Hi all,
I (20f) don’t know how but, I am trying to show my Mom (54F), step-dad (52M), and Grandma (80F) the severity of what my brother (26M) said to me.
I do not have a great relationship with my family. A lot of trauma, childhood problems, death in the family, and being the youngest made me really a troubled child and I was the one bullied by my siblings and bio dad.
After a lot of trauma, I ended up not caring about myself (not anymore, thanks therapy <3) and living to serve others and just… make other people happy despite my own health. Except, when I grew older I got closer and closer with my brother because he was the only person I really knew. Being homeschooled until I was 12 really doesn’t do you well in that regard.
Due to my family being very close-minded and all the trauma, I ran away after discovering who I really was. This led to a long long fallout between me and my mother because she couldn’t understand my own choices about my own body, so I moved multiple states away at 19.
After a long time fighting going low to no-contact with her and her fiance, we reconciled, she accepted me and vowed to go to therapy after she saw the effect it was having on me. Mostly with me ending up in the hospital. We’ve somewhat made good on the past mistakes that were made but it still feels strained and thats honestly by design. She just… is hard to get along with sometimes.
Out of respect and good faith, I went to her wedding last September. Everything went great! She cried when she saw me, called me beautiful and held me in her arms, and my aunts and grandma were all super happy to see me.
This all was great until the night before the wedding where my brother and I sat down and played some board games alone. He got a bit tipsy and broke down crying on me. I’ve never seen him cry in nearly my entire life. I got concerned and asked what was wrong to which he told me a lot of things that were making him extremely sad. Losing friends, getting kicked out, and at one point he stopped and said "no… I shouldn’t say that…"
Out of fear I asked him what he was talking about to which he said that he… wants to sleep with me… and that if I said yes to sleeping with him, he wouldn’t have any regrets about going through with it.
I… freaked the fuck out. Got up and stepped back away from him and planned an escape route. Got to a friends place and didn’t go to the wedding. I told my mom and grandma and neither of them knew what to say.
Now, months later, they still keep him around and my mom is trying to convince me to live with him and her back home despite what he said.
I’ve been so tempted to yell at them all for not being disgusted at what he said. They just don’t seem to understand the severity of what he said.
TL:DR
My brother told me he wanted to sleep with me and my family doesn’t really seem to think its all that big of a deal. I don’t know what to do besides be upset at them, AITA?
Is this an AITA question? I feel like it’s more a question of self-preservation.
You can’t get your family to see the severity of your brother’s actions – because they’re probably the people that have created whatever is going on in his mind. You got out and are mostly doing OK. It sounds like your brother didn’t and is very screwed up.
Your dysfunctional family aren’t going to react in a healthy way. You’re doing a great job of saving yourself. Keep going!
NTA
It can be so hard to know if I am even doing the right thing. I don’t want to lose all of them but I don’t think there’s a way to save this without in some part sacrificing my comfort levels. I really want to see him get better but I also know that might just be wishful thinking at this point. This feels like something you never say to family ever, I’ve never once even ever had thoughts like that before. I’m trying to do whats best for me but I’m praying there might be some godsend here I just don’t see yet.
Thank you, I nearly broke down seeing this reply. I’m trying my best to be the best me I can now. <3