I (26F) and my boyfriend (25M) can’t figure out who’s actually being unreasonable here.
We don’t live together. I’m currently renovating my bedroom and, to make space, I sold most of my electronics.. including my console and PC. Right now I only have my phone, ipad, and a speaker.
That means I can’t play games with him for the time being. I also need music on while I’m working (it helps me focus), so if I’m listening to music through my speaker, I can’t really be on a call at the same time because I won’t hear him properly.
For context, I’m disabled, and I’ve been pushing myself past my comfort level physically to get this renovation done quicker.. partly because I know he misses gaming together.
The issue is this:
He gets upset that I can’t play games or call as much right now. But when I offer to call instead of gaming, he’ll say something like, “Well then we can’t play games for even longer if you stop to call me, so just go sort out your room.”
So… which is it?
If I renovate, he’s annoyed we’re not gaming.
If I offer to call, he implies I should just focus on the room so we can game sooner.
It feels like whatever I do is wrong. I’m either neglecting him or I’m not prioritising finishing the room fast enough.
From my perspective, I’m doing what I can with the situation. I don’t feel like I’m refusing to spend time with him I just physically don’t have the setup right now.
AITA for telling him to stop acting like I’m the problem here?
Sounds like he sucks
https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/
I scored 40 so, that was definitely eye opening. i appreciate this!
That’s really concerning
Here’s some resources
Is your relationship healthy?
https://www.loveisrespect.org
Why does he do that?
https://freebooksmania.com/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that-pdf-free-download-by-lundy-bancroft.html
He doesn’t care AKA weaponized incompetence
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/s/NsoxMseUn3
My partner doesn’t help around the house
https://zawn.substack.com/p/why-household-labor-inequity-is-abuse?utm_source=direct
This means so much to me.. I’ll definitely look into them when i have chance. Thank you 🫶
Why did you sell things you’re actively using? And once you finish the renovation where is the PC and console going to come from? Are you going to buy another one. Re the calling, do you listen to music while on a call? Why not turn off the music and sue the speaker? This whole story barely makes sense
…why didn’t you just. Move your things? To another room?
Maybe take a step back and look at the situation objectively.
Do you & your boyfriend often disagree over issues? Does he always put it on you to resolve them? Do you always feel damned if you do, and damned if you don’t?
Now ask yourself, is this the way you want to spend your life?
NTA, but you will be if you don’t change the dynamics of your relationship to something more fair to you.
INFO: How long has this renovation been going on? Do you all spend time in other ways together besides just gaming? How often are you calling him on the phone to talk or spending time with him otherwise?
It’s a complete renovation INCLUDING all the floorboards and fixing the pipes whilst that’s all ripped up! its been going on for 4 months by now? We try our best to see each-other in person as much as possible, but we are medium distance..? Around 1.5 hours drive! and between his work and university studies, that doesn’t leave a lot of time.. I’ve been suggesting a phone call at least three times a week, and every time i get the same response.
NTA you do not have to do what your boyfriend wants, you have to do what you want. Let him figure out how to please you for a change.
Renovate? Are you building new walls? Painting? It can’t take that long.
If you want to see your boyfriend, you don’t need to call, or game. You can go get something to eat and actually have a conversation face to face, then come home and keep… renovating.
It shouldn’t be complicated
How long has this renovation been going on? How much longer is it expected to continue? What efforts are being made (by both of you) to spend time together when you can’t game? Based on the given info NAH.
Since you have an ipad and phone, I am failing to see how you can’t do some gaming. You can watch a jackbox stream on one device and play utilizing the other. You can get on discord and watch him play games (I spend time with long distance friends doing this, watching each other play games and chatting).
NTA your bf is horrid. This is not a healthy relationship and not something you want to invest more time in.
INFO: That this project has already created so many conflicts is confusing. Why sell your console and pc to renovate? How and when are you going to replace them? If you live with your family and are remodeling your bedroom, are you putting in flooring, soundproofing and drywall or something more strenuous than paint/wallpaper? How long have you been remodeling so far, and how much longer is it going to take?
If all you and your boyfriend do together is game, what makes him your boyfriend as opposed to another gamer?