My inlaws asked my husband to go on vacation with them and said they wanted it " just them and thier kids" aka him and his 2 younger brothers. My husband claims they guilted him into it. Meanwhile me and our 3 children will be left at home and i will have to take on all the responsibilities of them. I work fulltime. And during that time our daughter has surgery on her eyes. Ive been angry with him for 3 days now for agreeing to go. He thinks i should be over it by now. Is he right?
If it were me he’d come home to his shit packed and divorce papers.
Edit: forgot to include NTA
Im trying to decide how mad i should be, but truly i feel disgusted. Thank you. He’s making me feel crazy for being mad so i didn’t know if i was over reacting.
Your child is having surgery and you work full time plus there are two other kids .
He AND his parents are assholes and I’m betting this isn’t the first instance of it either.
Your husband gets to choose – you and his kids or his parents.
If this were in a movie the reviews would be dragging the writers for making the husband and his parents too awful to be believed. Like it’s so wildly terrible there’s no way it’s the first time he’s being a shit parent (which he clearly learned from his own parents). I don’t know if there’s any coming back from him even considering the trip, let alone agreeing.
Going on a family trip without his spouse: not great, but I could see mitigating circumstances
… Leaving her to full time care for their kid alone while working full time: sucks, but maybe there’s something logistically causing the issue. Would start questioning his interest in parenting. Hoping there’s support people to help.
*3 kids: ok fuck off dude – he’s running away from parenting
When his kiddo is scheduled for surgery: Holy shit, man, wtf?! Do you hate your children and being a dad so much that you don’t care what happens to her or how your wife n other kiddos are handling the stress? Are you such a bad dad you can’t imagine your daughter wanting her dad when she’s going thru something scary?
*On her eyes: Ok, I would call this man the devil, but devils understand contractual obligations like marriage and parenthood. Dude is trash and he’s taking himself (out his awful parents are taking him) to the curb. And they have no right to call themselves grandparents.
The big mad should be at him willing to not be there for his daughter when she has surgery. For just a fun vacation – that’s borderline unforgivable to me.
I think i agree. Thank you all 😭
I disagree with the person above. I wouldn’t let him come home to divorce papers. I’d put them in his luggage to find when he gets there. Ruin his vacation as he knows the whole time what he’s coming back to.
And OP? I know people like to jump to divorce. But God damn does your husband suck here. If your daughter wasn’t having surgery, this is something you could make an arrangement for. You get a holiday later kind of deal.
But this? Damn. Does he even love his kids or you? Because his actions say no.
Your in-laws are terrible but your husband enables them and allows this. Your husband is far worse. Guilted him? Waaa. He needs to stop sucking his moms tit. What a baby. He needs to step up for you.
NTA. 11 days and he didn’t even run it by you before agreeing? Did he even apologize for agreeing without consulting you? Even if he felt pressured by his parents to accept, he could easily have put them off by saying, “I’ve got to check with OP- I’ll get back to you after I talk to her.”
I think he’s a lot happier about this turn of events than he wants you to believe. Stay mad. I really don’t think I’d stay married to a guy who pulled a stunt like this.
He should have put them off by saying – “No, I can’t go, my daughter has surgery during those dates.” period… end of conversation.
Honestly, it’s one thing to leave when times are good, but his daughter has surgery. What if there are complications? As your partner, this is beyond uncool, this is a dealbreaker for me. Also, how are these grandparents taking care of their grandkids by whisking away their support system? NTA
They have never helped with our kids anyways. I wasn’t expecting much from them. But i did expect him to tell them no.
I think I would divorce my husband for going on such a trip. WTF is yours thinking?
And your inlaws are just evil.
NTA. Ask him why you should be over it. Has he done anything to change or ease the situation he’s leaving you in? Had he planned relief care, has he meal prepped, arranged for friends to come by and help, organised more support around the surgery? Or does he expect his selfish shitty choices to be ratified by the mere passing of time?
Alternative question. If guilt tripping is now how he’s controlled, with no independent will of his own, is it not your responsibility to guilt trip him even harder to show up for his immediate family? Given he’s devoid of free will, and his first responsibilities lie with his wife and children, wouldn’t be a dereliction of duty on your part if you didn’t pull him back to the light? Remember, he’s a helpless pawn.
This!!! Thats what i was thinking. He just keeps saying its been 3 days. Im sick of you being mad i said im sorry, like okayyyy?! And ?!