context: me and my fiance are finally getting married after 2 years of being engaged (we had a baby and delayed it).after debating just going to the courthouse and celebrating ourselves, we decided to have a really small and VERY budgeted wedding celebration in a family’s backyard up in the mountain. she has a small yard and only one bathroom so we basically said 40 for our guest list is probably max amount we can host. this is already hard enough bc I have a lot of family I’d love to come and he has a lot of friends he’d want to invite but we just can’t So we’re sticking to whose closest to us. by budgeted I mean we’re trying to spend less Than 750 and we are getting some help. we’re buying and prepping all the food ourselves, our friend is ordained to marry us, my parents are buying my dress and all of our decor will be free to cheap. We also need to get a hotel and are telling guests they are more than welcome to get there own. it’s honestly more of a little party than a legitimate reception.
so now we get to the part of the planning where invites are going out And I’m already a little stressed about it- ik some people are going to feel left out and I hate it. but I hit up my close cousin bc I wanted her daughter to be our little flower girl and she was really excited! I told her not to say anything bv I wasn’t done with invites and she said okay. the weekend goes by and I’m going over my list to send out invites and she texts me that ‘our other aunt is excited to come out from out of state and to let her know an exact date so she can come help’. I’m devastated. I love my aunt ofc but we hardly ever see them or hear from them anymore and shes got a kid and husband who’d come with so it’s +3. To invite her I’d have to disinvite my best friend To keep from going over the guest limit. i essentially told her that I wish she hadn’t told her bc she wasn’t on my very small guest list and that I was already feeling horrible that other family membees aren’t being invited either. She gave me a really sour answer essentially saying “damn they’re gna be upset but it’s your wedding I guess so your choice”. I’m irritated as f\*ck now bc not only did she invit’s someone for me but went against my wishes to not say anything, made a hard situation even harder for me bc now I have to “disinvite“ them, and then is kind of being judgy and weird about my decision. my family basically says they see both sides but some agreed that I’m kind of the asshole if I disinvite them. so Reddit, I’m asking …
AITA for disinviting my aunt uncle and niece from my wedding?
Hell, no.
NTA. you aren’t disinviting them, they were never invited. Your cousin should not be inviting people on your behalf. Call your aunt ASAP and tell you’re very sorry, you would love to see them another time, but your guest list is extremely small and your cousin misunderstood. Point out to your parents you did not OK for your cousin to invite anyone else, you get she’s excited but she needs to not run her mouth.
no, you are not. It is your wedding. You had to make a very tough decision on how many people to invite to keep it small and within your budget and I would just tell your aunt that you’re sorry that she got told about it, but you could only invite so many people and you already have the people on your list that you’re really really close to and even though you’d love for her to come that it’s just not feasible.
NTA. You cant disinvite people that were not even invited in the first place. Your cousin is totally out of line by spilling the beans and inviting people to your wedding that she is not even hosting With a guest list of only 40 people and a budget of $750 you shouldn’t have to choose between your best friend and your relatives that you don’t even see that often.
The only people allowed to invite anyone to a wedding are the bride and groom.
i had a small wedding and only invited my closest friends and family, i invited the extended family to the afters, there was no issue. i made it clear what i wanted and if they had an issue its their issue and not to waste time arguing with me. its your day. do what you want and what will make it special and undramatic for you
~~NTA~~ YTA for putting up a post as if you care and then wanting to debate it.
You didn’t invite them, so you aren’t even uninviting them.
Two thoughts though:
1) I’d be tempted to uninvite the cousin who blabbed and gave attitude, this is her fault.
2) The functional difference between 40 and 43 is low. You can’t keep doing that, or you be at 75 quickly, I’ve done a wedding, I get it. But 40 to 43 isn’t really a big problem when there will already be a wait for the bathroom.
This is, sadly, the reality and the consequence of having a small wedding. People will not be invited and people will get upset. Your aunt would have been disappointed sooner or later. I’m sure there will be other people whose feathers will also be ruffled. That doesn’t mean you have to invite them, or have a big elaborate wedding. It’s just something you have to accept will happen as part of this. I’d like to think that most people would understand, but people can be tricky.
Categorising your cousin talking to your aunt as being the same as issuing an invitation on your behalf is a bit over the top though. I doubt that is what she did, I presume she did go against your wish and mentioned your wedding – she was probably excited about it, and about her kid being a flower girl, and they all assumed your aunt was going to be invited. I don’t think it is fair to be pissed off at her.
You have three options
1. Disinvite them, and be prepared for the hurt feelings
2. Find a way to squeeze the +3 in and just suck up the extra cost.
3. Or shuffle the list and ditch someone else to fit them in.
Personally, I would lean towards options 1 or 2.
There is no right or wrong answer here. There is no perfect option. You have to figure out what you can do, and what you can live with.
NAH
NTA
you aren’t disinviting them, you never invited them in the first place.
You don’t even have to say anything to them(the aunt and family from out of town), unless they actually ask.
NTA you’re not uninviting them since they weren’t invited in the first place. You asked your cousin not to tell anyone and she did. If they’re upset they can thank your cousin. I mean they were going to find out sooner or later that they weren’t invited to your wedding, but it is your cousin’s fault for getting their hopes up.
TL:DNR
NTA, but consider lowering the guest count further. 40 people using one bathroom is gross.
NTA
You didn’t personally invite this particular aunt, uncle, and cousin in the first place, so I wouldn’t look at it as you “dis-inviting” them.
disinvite the cousin to make room for your aunt and uncle
I hope you know that 40 people and one bathroom is not going to work out