So some context, I am 21 and throughout my entire life my dad has been an emotionally absent father. He wasn’t even there for my highschool graduation, my parents are separated and my mom lives like 3 hours away but she still showed up and I lived with my dad and he didn’t show up at all. I moved to my moms a couple of years ago and have a good job and everything now, but he literally only contacts me when he needs something. From doing his online cpr classes for him to even asking me today to do a 6 hour class module for defensive driving required by his job. I was literally doing my college work as he called and I thought he would call to ask me how I was but it was just another task for me to do for him. Now he does not speak English too well, but he has had like 20 years to learn it, and I am genuinely so frustrated that he only calls me when he wants something. I have helped him with many things before hand and he has bought me things as well so I feel guilty all the time but I just don’t want to be a phone number for him to call for anything he doesn’t or isn’t willing to do when I am his son, I answered another call of his about a week or two ago and I explained to myself that I’ve been ignoring some of his calls but I’ll try to be better and the entire time I could just feel he was trying to brush everything off while giving me another task to do.
NTA. He treats you like a tool. Pointing it out is completely fair.
NTA, you need to start calling him to ask for stuff too
NTA.
Your dad didn’t show up for your graduation but expects you to do 6-hour courses for him? He’s had 20 years to learn English and your whole life to be a father.
You’re his son, not his personal assistant, stop doing his work for him… of course the guilt is normal, but you’re not obligated to keep being used… Next time he calls with a task, just say: “I’m not doing your courses anymore. Call me when you actually want to talk to your son.”
You’re done. That’s not being an asshole… that’s having boundaries and he should respect them
NTA just change your number and don’t give it to him.
NTA- he’s not going to be independent and do things on his own if you keep doing them for him.
Let him figure it out and set that healthy boundary for yourself. Surround yourself by people who call just to see how you are and want to see you happy.
>From doing his online cpr classes for him to even asking me today to do a 6 hour class module for defensive driving required by his job.
Please tell me you didn’t do his CPR classes.
And please tell me he only wanted HELP with his defensive driving class and not you doing it FOR him? Omg.
No no, he wanted me to do like the entire course for him and he wasn’t going to touch a single thing
NTA at all. Him occasionally buying things for you doesn’t give him the right to throw that in your face when he needs something. If a friend treated you the same way, would you still want to be friends with them?
If somebody does a nice thing for you just so they can use it against you later, they’re doing it for the wrong reason.
Don’t feel guilty for one second because you aren’t the problem here. The way you describe how you’ve been treated sounds like you’d be better off distancing yourself from him. If he doesn’t want you in his life except for when he needs a favor, that doesn’t make you TA.
Not only that, but the things you are naming here are things that he needs to be doing himself and you are doing them. That is fraud
My dad only calls me when someone dies. I had to yell at him about that too. Nta.
NTA. Stop helping him. Call him if you only need something too. Or if he wants you to do something for him, ask him a favor in return and how you’ll only do so-so if he does things for you. If he wants to treat you like a transaction then return the favor.
NTA lemme tell you this.. GOOD JOB. Seriously. GREAT JOB. I’m 46, and my sister and her daughter ONLY call me when they need something, and 90% of the time, it’s usually stuff they can Google themselves, but don’t, or don’t know how. My mom does it too, but she helps us out, so I kinda look at the dumb stuff I do for her as repayment. (today it was “why did someone send me 3 cents to my PayPal? Yesterday it was “why does my talk to text not catch what I’m saying” [talk slower mom] 😅) so I get how you feel.
Good for you for stopping it early. You are worth more than a human Google or butler. Your TIME is worth more. Next time, you can do what I’m learning to do now. Tell him you’ll help, but you have to take time off to do it, so you need to make the money back. Charge an hourly wage for whatever you do. You’re grown. You aren’t the kid who has to come when beckoned!!
NTA
It sounds like he’s asking you to commit some kind of fraud or deception, so I would definitely say NO to all of those kinds of requests to “help” him.
Not your fault he struggles with the language. 20 years is plenty long to learn English, even if he might have started from a totally different language as his native language. I’m from western Europe and can probably learn Mandarin if I have 20 years to do it, lol.
“Dad, you’ve asked me several times to take classes/certificates for you that are required for your job. This is a form of fraud, as YOU are the one who should learn these things so that YOU know this info to use in YOUR job. Do not ever ask me for something like this again. I am also not your translation service: you’ve lived here for 20 years now so that’s plenty time to have learned English. If you are still struggling, please look for language classes at the local library or college.”
And then if he calls and you answer and it’s clear he’s asking for another “favour”, just shut it down immediately: “Dad, I already told you I can’t help you with stuff like this. Bye.” then hang up. And repeat as needed.