Im a 17 yo and a JR in HS, ever since I was a kid my parents have had a very strict bedtime for me and my brother however now it’s really getting in the way of my life. They are strict on the fact that we need to be in bed by 10pm or else all of our devises get taken away, and every night we have to put our phones downstairs where our parents can check them and make sure they aren’t with us. If we are caught being up any later than 10 PM we risk getting grounded, and having more restrictions put in place. This has been getting in the way of doing things like homework assignments and working (I work from home.) Its so bad that Im literally scared to get up to use the restroom or to grab a midnight snack or else I’ll be yelled at by my dad. I didn’t mind when I was younger but Im literally almost 18 now, the control feels suffocating and any time I try to talk to them about it they immediately shut me down.
Recently even worse issues have raised because of this, my dad added this thing to our wifi that shuts it off at 10AM but its been causing issues for me and my brother where it will shut it off randomly for us in the middle of the day while doing something and any time we tell our dad about it he gets dismissive and annoyed at us, saying theres nothing he can do even though he’s the one in control of the setting.
Im so tired of being treated like a 10 yo child and having zero control over my own schedule. My dad thinks I’m just overreacting but AITA for increasingly getting more and more upset and done with being treated this way?
(EDIT to add onto some things people were mentioning/asking in the comments) A lot of people have been mentioning going to college right after high school to leave the situation but sadly that w an option for me, as much as Id love to go to college Im unable to. My parents make too much money for me to qualify for anything offered by the state, and my parents refuse to pay for my college. Me and my brother are expected to cover the costs ourselves completely. So college isn’t exactly something I can afford right out of high school at the moment.
NTA
Part of preparing young people to leave the nest is to gradually give them more freedom and autonomy. Dad seems to have missed that part of the parenting class.
Second this. Feeling so bad for op. I’m sure these are the same kind of parents that will wonder why their kids go no contact as adults.
Nta, op. No, this isn’t normal and you’re right to be upset.
Being yelled at for getting up in the night is awful. Even without that you’re right that this is a wild level of control for a 17-year-old. NTA but given what you’ve written I don’t think you’re likely to get anywhere if you protest.
You’re seventeen and still a student. I think you should be given a bit more leeway and some degree of autonomy; but it’s still pretty important that you get a full night’s rest. As someone who fucked that up through out his life, trust me, you’ll really start feeling bad life decisions earlier than you think.
NAH but definitely room need for constructive negotiation and honest, open dealings from both sides.
OP isn’t asking to keep the wifi on so they can go on Instagram. They need it so they can get their homework done. There’s no “constructive negotiation” to be done when parents won’t engage. And being yelled at for going to the toilet after “lights out” is outright abusive.
Literally explaining that they need the WiFi for homework is the constructive conversation.
The parents are obviously abusive. They control when OP gets to use the bathroom. This isn’t about protecting the kids, it’s about control and power.
NTA. A bedtime is one thing, but treating a 17 year old like a prisoner over homework, work, and even bathroom trips is just control rules should prepare you for adulthood, not make you feel trapped in childhood
You literally wrote about my life. Like exact same. Phones had to be put on a shelf in the living room and in bed by 10p.
They tried to enforce this even when I turned 18 and graduated. I noped out a few weeks after graduating.
It created a lot of animosity. I haven’t talked to my dad in over 10 years. He wanted 100% control and he was pissed when I took away his control. He continued to be toxic so I went no contact and its peaceful.
I was in the same situation but I didn’t wait until I turned 18. I graduated school and moved out 2 weeks later.
I also eventually went no contact because resisting their attempts to control me led to my mother breaking into my apartment and attacking my partner for “taking me away from them”. I didn’t even start dating my partner until 6 years after I had moved out but logic doesn’t work with these people.
NTA. My dad had a great philosophy: no bed times. No matter what time we went to bed, we’d still have to go to school the next day. It was the best case of FAFO, we found out real quick why going to bed at like 3am was a bad idea
How long did that take? Because my 13 year old just turns into a giant asshole and doesn’t seem to learn a damn thing from staying up all night and going to school the next day…
I want to chime in that I never learned this. Started about age 11. Was a sign of adhd but no one knew that. Didn’t get diagnosed til 30.
I’d stay up til about 5-6am every single night and sleep about an hour and go to school. My mom could not get me to go to sleep bc she had sleep apnea and fell asleep before me. I often fell asleep in class.
I did this… forever? I’m in my 30s now and I make myself go to sleep by 1 or 2 most nights, but that’s really only bc I take ADHD medicine now lol
Community College or state school. You can still go to a state school and take on some tuition. It will only cost $10k a year for tuition and probably $20k for housing. But after 1-2 years you can get an apartment and you can work during the summer. It’s not ideal. You’ll end up with $50k in debt, but you’ll get away from your ultra-strict situation that’s holding you back.
Just APPLY to places. You never know what you’ll be offered until you apply and receive the offer. I was in a similar situation and it took me 10 years to go to college because I didn’t even try to apply. I had no idea there were so many scholarships and offers and schools don’t publish the real cost they publish the “before the discount price”, so it ends up being less than they claim.
But yea, state school. Just do it.