AITA for convincing my mom to stop sending money to my brother in-law and nephew to supposedly "feed" my nephew? For 5 or 6 years the BIL has been terminally under or un-employed. Sister is on full disability and has no income and does not pay child support, and he lives with her. In that time, she has sent him over $20,000 in $20-$30 increments, for "food for your grandson" or "we need toilet paper" or "i need gas to get to work". Lately, it has been EVERY DAY $30 requests, and to make matters worse, my nephew has learned to play this manipulation game. "Grandma, can you send for bread im Soooooooooo hungry"
The problem is, both the BIL and nephew are habitual liars- lying about jobs, and money coming in soon, and saying we need food when really they needed cigarettes and soda. Nephew is 210lb 15 year old, the boy is not starving.
AITA for telling her if she cant control her "sending" and falling for these sad manipulations of her heart strings, then we need to block his communications and route his communications through his mother instead of directly to her?
I have a good paying job, but I’m now partially supporting my sister, my mom, and on top of that, the BIL Leech, the loser girl he lives with, and my nephew. I suspect my nephew is partially if not completely complicit with these games, but Grandmas heart is breaking.
Do I just let this go on and figure out how to pay it? Or put my foot down? Or call CPS?
NTA. $20K over 5-6 years in daily $30 increments is financial exploitation, and your mom’s generosity is being systematically abused.
NTA!
Go ahead and call CPS if only to prove that this “child” is potentially overfed!
The fact that they abuse your mother financially is disgusting…..
DO PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN. If no one else is protecting your mother, you need to adult and be the one who won’t allow other people to have the ability to abuse her!
NTA. You need to to do what it takes to protect your mom. They are using her. She needs her money to survive.
How old is your mother? If she’s a senior, this is elder abuse on the form of financial exploitation. Report it to adult protective services
She is in her late 60s- She is mentally sound, and my dependent. She receives social security income at a fixed level but it pays her mortgage and thats about it.
NTA. However you can’t stop your mom from sending the money and you can’t stop the begging.
You can discuss this with her, you can ask your BIL/nephew to stop, and you can withhold your support of your mom. But you can’t control the way they act or behave.
Definitely block them on mom’s phone, and on all social media. Delete all cash transfer apps from her phone. Take mom to the bank and put your name on the account. Have them set up the account so you are texted for approval before any transfer or withdrawal can be made.
Remind your mother that the 15yr old is well fed and could get a Mcjob at anytime. The adults can also find jobs, Uber and DoorDash always need drivers.
Worse case scenario, buy mom a new sim card or phone with new number.
Remind her that she is not responsible for feeding, clothing, housing or entertaining anyone.
NTA. Stop financially supporting all of them, and tell your mom that you don’t have control over her finances so you can’t stop her from doing anything, but you will NOT be financially supporting her or bailing her out, and she will not be moving in with you.
Tell your mother that if they need food, they can go to the food bank or whatever churches are offering free food, or she can decide what she wants to add to her grocery cart to ensure they have some fresh fruit and veggies, but she needs to stop giving them money.
NTA. Absolutely put your foot down! She needs to stop sending money she dies not have!!! Stop supporting your sister, bil, and nephew! All that upsets are doing is enabling their behavior. If they really need food they can go to social services and a food bank. Sounds like they are using drugs or gambling! Block communications. You sister is no better letting them take advantage! Give them the number to a food bank!
This is a form of elder abuse.
NTAH
NTA put your foot down. This is called elder abuse. Put a stop to it. When mom is flat broke, destitute, will BIL help? Of course not. Forget CPS report him for the elder abuse and tell Sonny he’s next, the bank of grandma is broke and closed.
NTA. They’re taking advantage of your mom at this point. And, if you’re supporting your mom, that means you’re technically supporting them because the money you’re helping her with is going to them.
I don’t know about COS, but i definitely think you should put your foot down. Grandma’s heart may also break when she cannot close her eyes anymore to the knowledge that her family is manipulating her, but her heart will heal.