AITA for telling my brother he needs to find his own childcare for his kids. I 28F have been babysitting my brother 25M boys since his oldest was born (almost 4 now), I switched my work schedule to be able watch the boys after my overnight shifts and to better help him so he and his wife can still work and all was well for a bit until they decided to have a second kid and I was getting super burnt out with hardly any sleep as sometimes they wouldn’t get home until 4-5pm and I had to be up for work by 8pm leaving me 3-4hrs of sleep a night.
I tried to set boundaries but ultimately caved to their pressure along with my parents on their side. There solution was I come home nap then go over to watch the boys before going home to sleep some more (5-6hrs a day) for $100 a month to watch both boys, and I gave them a 2 year timeline and told them if they had a third child I would be done watching them.
Well recently I lost my job and I’ve been out of a job for almost 2 months, I’ve been applying for full time and part time work for all shift/hours and I finally got hired. The issue is I have 2 days of orientation this month and I don’t start part time day shift until the end of April, maybe end of May. I told my brother and his wife I’d have orientation for 2 days this month and went to remind them again yesterday only for everything to blow up. I was basically told I’m a major fuck up and disappointment that needs to grow up because when our parents pass he’s not going to keep bailing me out or helping me like I do, and that no one will be able to take those two days off and I have to watch the boys. Plus he claims I never told him it was a day shift job because that won’t work for him and fucks everyone else over, meaning they won’t have someone to watch the boys.
After a lot of tears on my part and arguing I told him I can’t pass up a job that’s willing to pay when I have no other job prospects at the moment and that I will be going to the orientation those 2 days this month and he has until the end of April to find alternate childcare. Now neither he or his wife will talk to me, other than to ask when the baby last had a bottle when walking in the door because they now have to figure out childcare, AITA?
NTA – you have to take care of yourself.
Did I read correctly that they only pay you $100/month to watch 2 kids?? That’s insanely cheap. Also, how exactly is he continually bailing you out?
Snag the job and don’t look back. Congrats on the new gig.
He’s referencing the fact that I rent from our parents and they haven’t let me pay them rent until I get a new job, so he’s saying when they pass he won’t help/bail me out like they have been for me while I was job searching, not that I’ve EVER asked him for help like that nor have I ever needed help like this before.
Yeah $100 a month for both boys, mind you it’s only 5-6hrs a day not a full day as my mom gets their earlier than I do to watch them until she has to get to work, then I go over and watch them until their parents get off work.
HE is bailing YOU out? That’s laughable. Once he sees how much childcare costs for HIS children, he **might** see how much you’re bailing him and his wife out.
These are not your children. You don’t have to watch them ever, at all. He and his wife chose to have kids, they are responsible for them 100%. Their scheduling conflicts belong to them. If they cannot afford childcare, they can change their job/schedule to something that works for their family. Notice how I didn’t include you in any of this? The kids have 2 parents.
Agreed. Figure out the going daycare rate for 2 kids for 6 a hours/day 5 days a week. Throw that number in his face and ask who has been bailing who out for 4 years.
Honestly he’s just panicking because he has a family he can’t afford. Or at a minimum, will have to significantly tighten up the budget and lower his lifestyle. But taking that fear out on you is grossly unfair.
BTW, If your mom has also been babysitting for free, she’s been bailing him out too. How is that any different than what she’s doing for you? Your brother needs a reality check.
You do realize for anyone hiring a nanny for 2 kids you’d be paid more like $100/day for your 5-6 hours and it’d still be on the lower end.
5-6 hours per day. For ease of calculations, let’s assume this is weekdays only and there are 4 weeks in a month for 20 weekdays/month.
6 hours per day x 20 days is 120 hours. You are looking after 2 small children for cents per hour. That is appalling.
I’m sure you love these children, but their care is not your problem or your responsibility. Your brother and his wife need to sort their lives out and be responsible for their own children.
Your brother wants you to stay unemployed because it suits him. Virtually free childcare suits him. He does not want you to succeed in life or be anything more than you currently are. He is selfish and disgusting.
NTA, f*ck your entitled brother.
If he wants to pay you a full time salary then sure. I can’t believe even for a second that anyone would agree to 3-4 hrs sleep. He’s NOT helping you. He’s using you. And when your parents are gone, you’d be better off without him. Hon, you need to build yourself and your bank account so you never need that asshole. NTA. Put a contract together if you ever watch the kids again. It’s NO from here on out because whatever you do isn’t enough.
NTA. They are taking advantage of you, and have been for years. They should be thankful for what you have done for them instead if acting entitled. Too bad if your day job “won’t work for him” … I’ve never heard someone sound so selfish. You have the right to have your own life. They need to deal with their own kids for once. I would stop babysitting immediately if they won’t talk to you.
Easier solution. Don’t watch them starting now.
I’m all for doing my family a solid whenever I can, but I’ve had it blow up on me a couple times. As soon as that happens, it is done.
>$100 a month to watch both boys,
Talk about insult to injury here. NTA.
Your brother chose to have kids young, he chose not to find a sitter and rely on you doing it for basically nothing, then tries to belittle you? FUCK. THAT.
OP, please grow a spine here, tell him to shove his attitude where the sun don’t shine, focus on your life, and go low to no contact with him, his wife, and anyone else who supports this nonsense. Family is not free childcare. HE chose to have kids, YOU did not. YOU are not responsible for his needs.
First of all – NTA. OP the only one bailing someone out here is you. Daycare expenses would be thousands of dollars a month for 2 kids. You’re giving him a HUGE discount/savings. They are angry as they know their gravy train is ending. Congratulations on the new job and enjoy your well deserved sleep!
NTA.
100 a month? He’s taking the mick.
I don’t see where he’s helped you or bailed you out; only where he’s expected an awful lot from you for very little.
Instead of dealing with this, you should be celebrating your new job.
‘Now neither he or his wife will talk to me, other than to ask when the baby last had a bottle when walking in the door because they now have to figure out childcare’
I’d tell her where she can stick that bottle.
$100 a month?! YTA to yourself. That is insane. Take care of yourself first. Your brother had kids so they are HIS responsibility.