There is a guy in my uni class that has been trying to make friends with everyone in our class for months, he will dm everyone about the most random stuff and respond to stories to make conversation. It’s not like he is alone during lectures or breaks, but he doesn’t seem to have a solid friendgroup to always be with, just kinda floating around between people. I have never spoken to this guy, he sent me a facebook friend request but I just ignored it. I was talking to my friend about how he is kind of weird and comes off very strong. She told me that the first week of classes he told her and a bunch of other people how he has (or had?) an intellectual disability. She told me that his brain didn’t develop as quickly as it should have as a kid and he had to retake a year in school. I noted this and continued with (I think) alot more sympathy and understanding towards his "weirdness".
Fast forward a month or two, he came in to the store I work in with his girlfriend. They were lingering for a good 5 inutes infront of where me and my colleague were talking. I didn’t recognice him at first so when me and my colleague were done I greeted them with my usual customer service voice and continued walking past them. He looked kind of offended/irritated and that’s when I realized who it was, but I just continued walking away as I didn’t feel like talking to him and it felt like it was too late to turn around and acknowledge that I recognize him.
So what does he do after this? He follows me around in the store. Wherever I go, he and his girlfriend are there and he is trying to catch my eye. I notice this and go to stand with my back towards him, rearranging items. When I turn around he is just standing on the other side of the room already watching me intensly. I quickly look away but a minute later he had walked up next to me, I just walked away. Every time I’m trying to locate him in the store he is already watching me. I go tell my colleauge that I’m getting pretty uncomfortable and she goes to see what’s up, she comes back saying "yeah he is over there looking for you". I **really** didn’t want to talk to him at this point and I had gotten super uncomfortable, so after putting up with this for a solid 15 minutes I hid in the back of the store until he left.
I feel kinda shitty for not talking to him, because he obviously wanted to. But I don’t like his vibe and I know that if I were to start talking to him he would continue doing so every time he saw me at school. Also knowing that he probably struggles with social codes, maybe I was stupid for being uncomfortable and avoiding him in the first place.
Edit: I changed the wording because it seems like alot of people think that I completely ignored him and his girlfriend, I didn’t. I greeted them like I would any other customer, I just didn’t make any conversation with them after that.
NTA you’re at work and it’s not like you guys are besties and he DOES sound weird stalking you around the store
NTA.
\*Especially as a woman\* Being friendly with a guy who lacks social skills and weirds you out \*is not your job\* even if he does have a disability. You are not required to be friends with everyone. It sounds like he is not that socially isolated either as he has a girlfriend and talks to other people in class. You do not have to be friends with someone who is weirding you out. Its also very normal to not recognize someone from one context in another place and hi hanging around for 15 min with his girlfriend to talk to you is very strange behaviour- you are there to work not to chat with random acquaintances from your class. Having an intellectual disability does not make someone a good person and if you are getting bad vibes you are absolutely ok to keep your distance.
This, this, this.
NTA.
NTA.
You don’t owe ANYBODY a friendship (or more) just because they have “issues.” If he confronts you, you don’t have to insult him. Just say you’re not interested in getting to know him, and that’s all you’re going to say about it.
Eh, you’re not obligated to talk to anyone. Plus if someone was following me around my work I’d neeeever want to talk to them. NTA.
NTA bc WTF?? having a disability does not make excuse to being actually weird by stalking you–not to mention, with ill intentions as well. confront him and tell him this so he cant use the disability card.
and no friendly way kind of talk. you guys arent kids anymore. do a business kind of conversation where you speak to him like he’s a stranger, just as he’s practically one to you. that will make him realise you don’t contribute to being his friend, just bc he can’t–or rather, doesn’t bother to socialise better, considering he stalked you and got irritated for jot being acknowledged.
if people won’t agree with you, then good riddance. they’ll change their mind if they met him, probably.
NTA. You don’t owe him a friendship or anything. He’s being nice sure, and you are nice back with pleasentries, etc. But following you around like your attention and whatever else he wants is expected … is odd
Am I the only person who read that she DID greet them in her “customer service voice”? It’s not like she ignored him .
NTA because if you said hi/hello and moved on following you around the store is very much weird and creepy.
I just changed the wording of that part because it seems like alot of people think that I just completely ignored them, I didn’t, I just greeted them like I would any other customer that I don’t know
NTA. You said hello. He got pissy you weren’t excited to see him and stalked you around the store. If he’s abled enough to attend university, he’s abled enough to understand what “no” means.
NTA. Disabled people deserve respect and dignity regardless of their differences. They deserve to be treated like anyone else, and if this was indeed anyone else, would you have responded the same?
Just imagining the whole following you through the store thing made me so uncomfortable. I wouldn’t want to be friends either, and it has nothing to do with disability. “They didn’t know better” will never be an excuse.
NTA. I think the YTAs in the comments are ignoring the fact that you \*did\* say hi to him. You just didn’t follow up later. I work in retail and I usually just look and smile at guests if I pass them by. If someone kept following me after then I too would be freaked out.
NTA. I’m not doing the extra friendliness thing anymore after the guy followed me to the fucking bus stop. Good luck getting away now that he knows where you work; we had to ban a guy from our office because he wouldn’t leave us alone.
NTA, this is about a guy being intrusive with a girl and getting stalkery at her place of work. His brain developing slower is not an excuse; some social behaviors don’t come as naturally to some people, but if he can attend uni and get a girlfriend, he can learn boundaries and not to be creepy.