I (F, early 20s) have always had a difficult dynamic with my sister. She has a very short temper and tends to complain to my parents about every tiny thing I do. Since we were kids, I’ve usually been the one expected to swallow it and keep the peace.
Over the past few months, she’s been in a messy on-and-off situation with a guy who isn’t even her boyfriend. Their relationship is really unstable, sometimes he treats her well, other times very badly, but she keeps going back to him.
Because of this situation, she’s gone through some very serious and personal things that our parents don’t know about. I’m one of the only people in the family who knows, and I’ve kept it completely to myself because I didn’t think it was my place to tell anyone.
But lately it’s been weighing on me a lot. I’ve started feeling like keeping this secret might actually be hurting her in the long run. If nobody in her life talks to her about what’s going on, I’m worried it could really damage her emotionally or put her in a worse situation. The guilt of keeping it a secret has honestly been keeping me up at night.
What makes this harder is that she still constantly criticizes me and complains about me to our parents over really small things, even though I’m protecting something huge for her. Sometimes it feels like she acts morally above me while I’m quietly carrying this secret.
I haven’t told my parents anything yet, but I’ve started to feel like maybe they should know so someone can actually help her or talk to her about what’s happening.
AITA for even considering telling them?
Info: is she over 18?
Yes Im 20 and shes 23
Have you tried minding your own business?
Nta. If you think your sister is in danger with this situation then you should tell your parents. Also, talk to your sister and ask her why she is always running her mouth to your parents and if she would like for you to do the same
I want you to think about this very carefully OP. Do you want to tell your parents in order to help her? Or tell your parents in revenge for the way she’s treating you?
To be honest, a little bit of both. I already was feeling very guilty over the secret for weeks now. Human nature to feel some sort of resentment towards her as well which is why I want a second opinion.
It’s difficult because no one here’s knows this secret and its implications.
I will only say if her safety is actually at risk, then you need to tell someone who can help her, even if she hates you forever. Better she be safe and never speak to you again, then having to regret the what ifs.
This here. Without context I can’t really give an opinion but I agree if she’s in danger or putting someone else in danger tell them.
Info: is he emotionally abusing her? Can you explain more?
Ask her if she would go to a therapist with you. Tell her that you want her to tell your parents because you are really worried about her. If he is abusing her, he may try to push all family and friends away and isolate her. If your parents do ultimatums with her, it could make it worse.
BUT you aren’t responsible for your sister or her actions. She sounds like she is being awful to you too. It is ok if you take a break from her for your own emotional well being too. You can choose to go LC and you don’t have to swallow your emotions any more. If she is awful or tattles on you, take a break from her.
Family dynamics are tough. Maybe find a therapist for you too, so your relationships are healthy going forward too.
Tell if you want to help her, not in retaliation to her other behavior towards you. If she’s being abused or truly needs help, speak out and ask your parents or a trusted third party for help. If you’re just sick of carrying her secrets and being treated poorly by her, distance yourself but keep her personal secrets to yourself or you’ll do more harm than good. You can always remove yourself but being her go to person and punching bag.
Stay out of it entirely. Anything else never ends well …
YTA for not standing up for yourself more.
“Mom and Dad I am tired of my sister complaining about me.”
“Sister, I am tired of you complaining about me. Grow up.”
If her health or safety are at risk, then you spill. Otherwise, you don’t say anything.
How old is your sister? If you think she is in physical danger from this guy, tell your parents and explain WHY you are concerned, using any actual examples you have. You don’t want to end up on some true crime show saying you really wish you had spoken up when there was time.
If she’s an adult and as far as you know, it’s “only” emotional effects, try talking to her during one or more of the bad situations and ask her if the highs during the good times is really worth the lows during the bad times. You may need to talk to your parents eventually, but work on her first.
If your parents say you’re just trying to get back at her, bring it up to them in front of her next time.
Good luck.