I was recently going on a date night with my wife & we were walking on a pavement a man cycled passed us, screaming to move. In response I said, "there is a bike lane there for a reason, use it", he didn’t like that so we got into an essential shouting match. My wife was telling me to leave it & go but I did not, eventually he cycled away (whilst shouting him & his brother will ‘sort me out’).
He finally left & now date night is cancelled & she is not happy with me.
After calming down I realise I shouldn’t of escalated but at the same time if someone is being disrespectful to me, I will not back down from that.
Any advice to get passed this?
Also, turns out the guy (little 5’6" middle aged man) lives in the building next to us, so that will be fun!
Edit: Altercation, not alteration.
Edit: Context, based in London, UK, we were walking on a pavement (or a pedestrian area, walkway, sidewalk, depending on where you’re from)
YTA. Take actionable steps to get your anger under control because you sound unhinged. The world does not owe you respect, you need to get over that asap. You don’t say where you were walking/where he was improperly riding, but it doesn’t matter. Even if he was wrong and you were right, there was zero need to respond to him telling you to move, much less engage in a shouting match with him afterwards. Get your shit together, man.
Men and women have different experiences with being on the street.
Women have to put up with catcalling, ogling, harassment – just for existing.
That man could have followed you both. You could have gotten into an altercation and been attacked, hospitalised, killed. He could have found her by herself at some point, followed her and attacked her — because you disrespected him.
She didn’t want to experience the worst thing happen. It’s scary. She asked you to let it go, to be safe, and you ignored her.
You won’t back down use someone challenges you — but you are a man in a man’s world.
YTA
##yesallwomen
(fucking Reddit, that’s meant to be the hashtag)
Turns out the guy lives right next to them so now she gets to feel unsafe at home too. But OP is still more worried about being “right”.
ESH.
The biker is the bigger AH, but you escalated a situation to the point your evening out was cancelled. Was the shouting worth it?
>if someone is being disrespectful to me, I will not back down from that.
This screams toxic behavior. Bikers even in my area can be an entitled lot, but that isn’t an excuse to prove how manly you are by shouting at them. Yes, he was in the wrong, but so were you for keeping it going after your wife told you to stop.
YTA
You need to have priorities. Not being disrespected is of course important generally but, you just told your wife it’s more important than a date with her. That’s why she is mad and I think she is right.
this screams toxic masculinity lmao yes YTA.. what was the plan here? to show you can also yell loud? Protect your lady and move on.
Out of you and your wife, YTA.
There are a lot of people in jail and in the grave because “if someone is being disrespectful to me, I will not back down from that”
We’re tired of this chest beating nonsense. Especially as the world gets more unsafe and your show of ego potentially puts your wife in danger.
Learn to let things go. This was a nothing rude interaction you could have chosen to walk away from. I promise, it wouldn’t make you “less of a man”.
YTA, escalating the situation was stupid and unnecessary, even if the cyclist was in the wrong. Be the bigger person.
YTA. Your inability to let a silly thing go ruined date night. Apologize to your wife, and consider not going to war over every little thing.
YTA and what a terrifying position to put your wife in.
A lot of women don’t like confrontation. A lot of men think confrontation makes them appear masculine.
You should start by asking her how she felt. She was probably scared. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t think you’ll protect her, it means she thinks you brought conflict upon her unnecessarily.
Remember that life is experienced much different in women’s perspectives when it comes to aggressive men on the street.
>if someone is being disrespectful to me, I will not back down from that
Most of the time it’s not worth engaging when someone is a jackass. You absolutely should get on with your day instead of investing emotionally in every negative interaction, is it really worth it to feel like a tough guy for a minute?
Beyond that you probably shouldn’t escalate generally, you never know when someone is dumb enough to throw their life away over some nonsense. Have to remember that stupid people are often incapable of thinking about consequences, their entire world is how they’re feeling right now. Additionally from a legal perspective it looks a lot worse if you get into a public screaming match just before a physical confrontation. Even if you don’t get charged with a crime it can be an expensive headache.
Basically you’re acting like a teenager and it’s understandable why your wife would be upset. Since this is between you and her, YTA.
I have a feeling this is not the first time something like this has happened and that is why your wife cancelled..yta.
YTA.
“If someone is being disrespectful to me, I will not back down from that.”
Because you care so much more what a stranger thinks of you than your wife?
Because you’re so triggered by a stranger not treating you the way you want that nothing else matters until you get satisfaction?
And they say women are too emotional.