My bf and I have been together almost a year.
From the beginning of the relationship, I always emphasized that trust was the foundation of everything. There were times that I felt like he was lying or concealing facts from me, and I frequently asked/called him out about it. But it was nearly impossible to get him to admit things until a couple weeks or months later when he slips up with the truth.
For example, little things like saying he’d finished playing a game I was interested in or that he’d read my favorite book, just to impress me. All the way up to monthly complaints about being so hungry as his parents visited, ate his food, then left. But one day after multiple instances of this, his parents had left him food after all – it was just food he didn’t like. And I called him entitled for it (because he will literally go a full day not eating and just moaning about it. All that pity party and for what? Growing up without a lot of money, I used to eat whatever was served by my mom. There were also other reasons that I feel like are preventable such as running out of cash (he doesn’t really use online banking)).
Anyway, when I caught him lying recently and he gaslit me about it, I put my foot down and broke up with him. But he convinced me he would go to therapy right away to solve it so I gave him another chance.
He has since gone to therapy twice but hasn’t brought up the lying. And I caught him lying to me again and confronted him.
Now it is the day after that argument and I am trying to diffuse but he says he feels ill and doesn’t want to hang around me because he’s hungry and doesn’t want me to worry considering that “entitlement” conversation. (Note we are long distance and I can’t cook him anything or get food delivered, it is the middle of the night). This happens every time after an argument. He will apologize then mope the next day and I have to comfort him instead of seeing something change. Last time we argued he said “every week we have something to argue about, am I not enough? I’m trying”
I don’t know if I am too critical but I also feel like I am having to babysit his emotions and that we are going in circles talking about the same issues in different circumstances over and over again (lying and reliability). Help
NTA, you two don’t sound compatible in the slightest. he can’t give you what you need no matter what he does, and someone who lies about little stuff is going to lie about big stuff
No, just no – stop putting up with this. You caught him lying and manipulating you, now he’s deflecting hanging out with you because he knows he did something wrong again and is hoping you’ll just forget.
Are you ok being lied to, manipulated and disrespected again? If yes, by all means – take this guy back. If you want to be treated better (as you should be, we all should be – this behavior is fucking awful) then stick to your guns and break up.
Block his number for a bit so he can’t harass you while you get yourself sorted. NTA.
I’m sorry but I feel like you are way too mature to be dealing with this sort of behavior and you aren’t even physically close. Is this relationship worth your time? Maybe he has some qualities that make him lovable in your eyes, I don’t really know, this is up for you to decide. However from your post, it seems like you a playing a game that you can never win. He won’t change, he will just lie about changing. You deserve better so don’t lower yourself to accommodate his toxicity
NTA
“Entitled” isn’t quite the word that I would use, but it’s close enough. The real issue here is that he repeatedly violated your boundary about lying. (And a deeper issue is: why did you put up with it for so long?)