Me and my friends were on discord playing a party game, and were teasing a specific friend we’ll call A. At one point in time, the group jokingly kicks A from the lobby. Nearing the end of the night, everyone logs off and A confronts me, saying that I was going too far with the teasing and asked for an apology. They were being vague about it first, so I was asking for more information, and when I finally got the gist of it, I apologize with a simple "sorry". Thinking the mood was lightened, I send a few gifs and reaction photos and they respond with such as well.
all good? wrong.
later, around 2 hours later, I get voice messages from A and they are chewing me OUT. they were PISSED, saying that they were so upset, they couldn’t sleep and talked about how I was being "really fucking annoying" and listing out every small action that i did that pissed them off. the tone of their voice was incredibly hostile. I apologize again, but this time I’m more sincere and genuine. I apologize for how I acted, and how the teasing went too far, and I think I owned up to it the best I could. However, I added that the tone of his voice messages were too hostile, sounding like a personal attack rather than being constructive and addressing my flaws and that I would never address my own friends and talk to them in that way, even if I was upset.
A retaliates, but I expected them to and I’m not surprised. They (kind of) apologize for their tone, but they reiterate the points that made them upset, and I own up to it the best I can. I don’t try to defend myself and apologize. But the reason why I hold a grudge against them is because they proceed to compare the way they were treated to a friendship falling out I had a few years ago that I am still sensitive to. They basically compared that game night to one of the lowest points of my life, and even went as far to claim that the way they were treated was even worse than I was.
as a gross oversimplification, i was kicked out of a friend group with my closest friends without a clear explanation, even when i pretty much begged them to talk it out with me. a few months later, i found out that they were purposefully lying to me, excluding me, and talking shit behind my back.
Me and A are pretty close, and arguments arise here and there, but I think it is so disrespectful and underhanded of them to use that kind of personal attack against me by comparing that game night to the friendship fallout I had. I know that it wasn’t right of me to go that far with the teasing during the party game but i don’t know if i should stand my ground and not tolerate this behavior from a close friend risk tension in the friendship or brush it off. I know that if I brush it off, however, I will still harbor some sort of resentment against them because I just don’t think I can "forgive and forget" that sort of disrespect.
We haven’t talked since then. A is still upset over the incident and I don’t think I can talk to them like nothing happened after they made that kind of remark and didn’t apologize clearly for it.
What do you guys think?
NTA, you apologized. TWICE. Teasing and joking fun are well within the bounds of friendship. By the sounds of it you weren’t all immune to getting teased, he just happened to take the brunt of it this time. Not to mention, was anyone else called out for this? Being overly sensitive is one thing, and a forgivable thing within reason. But a sincere apology is all that should be needed, eh on second thought a day or two to cool down couldn’t hurt. The hostility and low blow is out of line, I would publicly brush it off your shoulder but do be wary of it in the future.