My boyfriend (20sM) and I (20sF) have been together for a little while. We are both college students at the same university. I live on campus while he lives at home, but he is on campus everyday because he also works as a campus facility worker.
For the past few months, he has been driving a coworker (30sM) to work everyday. I didn’t think much of it before recently, when I found out that this coworker was the same facilities person who was found hiding in a bathroom stall in the women’s bathrooms last year. The bathroom he was in was in a building where I had class, and he made all of us feel uncomfortable that had classes in that building. I told my boyfriend about this, and he has been very understanding with me being uncomfortable about this man.
Things have escalated recently when I found out that he has done this more than once and is still making women feel uncomfortable to use the bathroom in that building. I have made a report with the university about the situation and it has been very emotional between a lot of us right now.
My boyfriend has also told him that he will not be giving him rides to and from work on Mondays and Fridays anymore, and the coworker is upset about it. He has also been taking advantage of my boyfriend’s kindness. My boyfriend has to go out of his way to pick up this man. He also has to wake up an hour and a half earlier than he would have to wake up. And sometimes when he gets to the coworker’s apartment, he is not awake and it ends up making my boyfriend late to work. This has also been a major factor in how I’ve been thinking about this.
I just want to know if I would be an asshole if I asked my boyfriend to stop giving this coworker rides to and from work completely.
NTA, sounds like he was using your boyfriend. 1.5 extra hour every day.. your boyfriend should stand up for himself.
Clearly not… NTA
NTA but the fact that your boyfriend is willing to give rides to this man, essentially facilitating his access to the campus, is a huge piece of information about your boyfriend’s character. He can’t say he takes your safety seriously if he’s continuing to physically put this man on campus.
if the guy’s known for hiding in women’s bathrooms he can figure out the bus schedule too
Please ask your boyfriend why he is okay giving lifts to a man who makes women feel uncomfortable. Your boyfriend chooses, for whatever reason, to accommodate this man. However, the biggest question is why he is happy to enable someone whose behaviour appears to be questionable.
NTA. Sounds like the coworker may be coercing your BF for the rides in some way. You should ask him about this in a non confrontational manner. He may need help and is afraid to ask for it.
NTA. The fact that your boyfriend is essentially enabling a predator to access campus by giving him rides should be more concerning to him than losing sleep. Someone who hides in women’s bathrooms repeatedly doesn’t deserve anyone’s kindness, and frankly your boyfriend should have stopped the moment he learned about this behavior.
NTA. Does your bf just… not have a spine? Most people’s basic decency would kick in here without needing to be asked.
NTA…it sounds like your boyfriend is a nice guy who’s being manipulated. I wouldn’t get up an hour and a half earlier for anyone.
If behavior is a language, your BF is telling you he doesn’t care already. You can absolutely ask. We all know what the answer will be, and I wouldn’t want in my life a man who enables another man who makes women feel unsafe and creeps on them.
Why does that guy still have a job? Hasn’t he been reported to the police or something?
NTA but before the co workers inappropriate behaviour, you didn’t find it strange that your boyfriend took an hour and half at least out of his day to facilitate this guy?
Why is this man got your boyfriend running around after him like a chauffeur?
NTA. If it were me I would stop driving him for the other stuff alone (being that far out of my way, routinely not being ready when I come to collect him) but he’s also a sexual predator? No way.
NTA
Why is this guy still employed at the place he committed felonies
“I’m not going to drive you to work any more. I’m not comfortable knowing what you did to make women feel unsafe. I don’t owe you anything, that’s explanation enough”