I have a friend who don’t always check on me or even reply fast to my message when I check on him first. But if he needs something from me, he replies fast and always acts friendly.
Recently, he texted me asking for some help from me urgent. I saw the message immediately but this time I decided to not to reply to the message for three days because I felt tired of him remembering me only if he needs my help.
When I replied to him after the three days, he said I had ignored him when he really needed my support and now I feel bad because I saw his message and decided not to reply immediately.
Some how I feel justified for what I did because the friendship feels on sided and the other side of me feels like I handled the situation immaturely instead of just telling him how I feel.
AITA?
info: what was the urgent thing?
He didn’t mention it to me claiming I was late
Hmm, I get why this is a concern to you. “Friends” who are only friendly when they need something aren’t really friends.
I’d suggest reconsidering whether it’s worth keeping him around if he continues to behave like this.
NTA.
Yeah! That is true, he is a burden instead.
He got used to you being available for his needs whenever he pleased so now he is mad you made a boundary for yourself for your time and energy. You don’t want to be just used, you want to expend your time and energy on a friend who actually reciprocates and cares for you.
On a side note – You are one who answers back fast but not everyone does. You feel it shows your care but not all put those same emotions into messages or feel that same urgency. I had to learn that and stop viewing slow responders as some form of rejection or lack of care. There are lots of reasons for a slow response and generally none of them have to do with you. This person, on the other hand, has shown he only responds fast when he wants something which is an attitude problem.
A boundary is for you, not the other person. Telling him your reason may shame him into changing for a time, but if he doesn’t genuinely care, it won’t last. Podcaster Dr. John says “behaviour is a language”. If his behaviour has shown you anything, it is that you value friendship as a give and take, he values more of what he can take, less of giving. You get to decide how much this friendship means to you with that info.
NTA
I used to have the habit of instantly responding to people’s messages the moment I saw them and found myself being super frustrated waiting for a respond because no one ever responded as fast, some even forgot to reply at all :)). Now I just replied and continued doing what I was doing before their messages, never giving a thought whether they would reply or not, and it helped so much with my mental health.
Sometimes you just have to pay less attention and value yourself more.
Also in your case, he reaped what he sowed.
NTA.
NTA.
It sounds like the friendship has become one-sided. If someone only reaches out when they need help but rarely checks in or responds when you message first, it’s normal to start feeling used or drained.
You didn’t insult him or start a fight. You just didn’t prioritize responding right away this time. That doesn’t make you a bad friend.
That said, your second thought is also valid. Ignoring the message doesn’t really fix the underlying issue. If you want to keep the friendship, it might be worth telling him honestly that it sometimes feels like he only contacts you when he needs something.
Your reaction came from frustration, not malice. The real question now is whether you want to address the imbalance or just start pulling back from the friendship.
You were petty and ignoring when all you had to do was be honest with him
NTA
He’s holding you to standards he isn’t holding himself to. He doesn’t seem to respect you.
Do you not realize this friendship is over?
You decided that the moment you decided to ghost him for three days. Be a mature person and break up this friendship the right way.
If he’s a bad friend, then don’t feel bad about it. YTA because of how you’re going about this.
NTA for getting rid of users in your life.
NTA
If a friendship feels one-sided, it usually is. I would distance myself from this person, they’re not a good friend.
NTA. You treat people how to treat you.