I’m a 24F and I was hanging out with my friends let’s call them Candace 22F and Jessica 22F. I’ve only known both of them for about less than a year. I am closer to Jessica and I am the one who introduced her to Candace. We have all formed a community knitting and vibing together. Today, Candace texts our group chat to hangout and we all agree and she picks us up. I should mention Candace brought a friend too let’s call him Tony (idk his age) who just so happens to create music. Jessica and I have met Tony a couple times so we didn’t mind and I asked Tony if we can create just to create.
As we settled Tony and I got really immersed to the music loop we were creating, while Candace and Jessica do their own thing. At one point we are all in one room chilling but then Tony has to go and as we are putting our music equipment away Candace asks me if I am going home. Which throws me off because she is my ride. I said no awkwardly because I’m confused and that’s when I notice a weird shift.
After not even 20 minutes or less as we are all talking Candace asks me again if I want to go home which I then ask if she wants me to go home and she says yeah then walks away. I ask Jessica what’s going on and even she has no idea. I follow Candace but before I can get a word in she tells me she’s too upset to talk and that she wants me to pack. I don’t force it and pack my things wondering how things switched up. As we are driving in the car Candace says “I’m sorry I’m too upset to talk but you are disrespectful every time we hang out” which is very new of me to hear. Our friendship hasn’t been long to have conflict so this is news to me. I tell her I’m more than willing to talk when she is in a better state but she tells me to “No you can think on it”. I get home and try to talk to Jessica but even she is being off telling me she can’t FaceTime tonight but as I look at her location she is still hanging out with Candace. I feel ditched and I don’t even know what I did or can do? I was thinking giving it a day and just tell Candace I have no idea what I am doing wrong but she’s coming at me like I will know and figure something out to THEN apologize. Any other perspective? I can answer the best I can on my view on the matter but this all feels weird.
EDIT: I do not think Tony and Candace have any romantic connection. They have always been friends from what I know of. Tony and I kept a healthy space and polite manner just throwing ideas for the music we were making.
I would also like to mention that last time Candace, Jessica and I tried to hangout Candace all of a sudden broke down and just dropped off Jessica at my place and didn’t talk to us for a bit. I wanna say that barely happened a week? Or two ago. Jessica and I never got the whole story but now I feel I should have pushed more for an answer.
IMO Candace has a thing for Tony, and she thinks you like him/you like each other, or it’s because you were spending time with him rather than with her. Maybe your other friend can clarify things later. She sounds like hard work, though, and friendships shouldn’t be a chore.
Candace likes Tony and thought you were making a move on him. Were you?
Might Candace have a crush on Tony and feel like you’re stepping in her toes?
I don’t think so but can’t say for sure. I’ve only started hanging out with Candace a couple times and haven’t really talked about love interests. If anything she’s very “I love being single” type of girl from what I’ve gathered because I personally have a romantic involvement with someone else which she knows about.
Could be that Tony is into you, or at least that’s what Candice thought and it bummed her out.
Nobody can answer this as we don’t know what the problem is, but I’d put money on Candice liking Tony and getting jealous that he is either interested in you or simply just not interested in her.
This isn’t going to change, btw. Candice is always going to resent you for it, so I’d call it a day on the friendship. I’d honestly just ghost them and hang out with other friends. If Jessica gets back in touch and is normal then great, but I wouldn’t chase her for it.
Yeah, it looks like Candace likes Tony and you talking to him might’ve triggered something inside her. I think just ask for clear communication since you have no idea what she might be really upset at. Explain how you’ve been feeling to Candace and Jessica about the way they’re been acting. My rule is that when I’m upset/hurt at someone for 24hrs I have to tell them in 48hrs once I’ve acknowledged if I’m really bothered by it. Also maybe cause Candace saw you talking to Tony she might think you like him so she’s talking and hanging out with Jessica to vent or smth along those lines. NTA, just clarify what happened and ask Candace why she’s been acting different.
Candace is in lerrrrve with Tony and she probably expected the two of them to predominantly hang out when she brought him with her. J already knew him and passed the vibe check with C’s crush so C feels more comfortable venting about it to J than you. Would be my guess.
Candace is passive aggressive and wants you to sit in the corner feeling bad and ruminating about something she won’t even tell you that you did, so she’s likely expecting you to come to her about it first. I would just text asking if she’s into Tony and that’s why she’s now calling you disrespectful. Go from there.
Honestly it sounds like something else might be going on. Maybe Candace has a thing for Tony and felt weird seeing you two get really into making music together. If that’s the case, she might have gotten upset but didn’t explain it clearly. You could try asking her directly if something about Tony or the music situation bothered her.
This sounds more like high school than a group of young adults, but, as others have said, it may be that Candace likes Tony.
What you might do is text her something like “i know you’re very upset, and i completely understand you think i know what’s upsetting you. But, as I tried to explain, i honestly have no idea. Obviously there’s been some kind of major misunderstanding, and I’d like to be able to apologize for or clarify it, but I can’t do either if I’m in the dark about what the problem is. I’m sure you can understand that. I value our friendship, so I hope you’ll let me know.”
No one here can tell you wtf she’s mad about. This all just happened? Yeah, wait til tomorrow and then ask Jessica again. Tell her you don’t know what Candice is mad about. She will probably tell you once Candice isn’t around. NTA I guess seeing as neither you nor us have any clue what she’s even mad at you for lol. But I’m sure you’ll learn more in the coming days. Like I said, Jessica is your best bet initially to get filled in on what Candice is upset about. So drop it for the night and check back in later. For now just take some deep breaths and try to not worry about it. If you could figure it out on your own you would by now. You’re gonna need to wait for more info before you can even begin to address any of it.
I will say my first instinct was maybe she liked the guy as well (because that’s literally the only thread of info to potentially go off of here), but if you say it’s unlikely you may be right. So if there’s really no other possibilities you can think of then you’re just gonna have to wait for more info. The people here are speculating with even less info than you have. No one knows why your friend is pissed but your friends.
This all just happened. I did go to Reddit soon but I wanted to speculate multiple perspectives. I’m thinking I will ask Jessica if she so happens to know more and then move accordingly with Candace.
Ah, the classic “If you don’t know the problem then I’m not going to tell you.”. I suggest you counter with “If you’re not going to tell me then I have zero fucks to give.”
NTA. I would posit that she’s pissed at you and Tony spending time together. They may not have any romantic connection but I’m pretty sure she wants there to be.