Background: I do not get along with or talk to my paternal half sister. It’s not an actively adversarial relationship but we do not talk or spend any time together voluntarily since a large fight many years ago. My sister has a dog named Lark. Lark is a younger dog (maybe a couple years old?) that has received no training. She is weirdly aggressive, non stop barking and growling at new people (including me since I don’t see her a lot), hyper, and is very mouthy (not necessarily bitey but mouthy with fully grown dog teeth). She is constantly bothering and riling up other dogs around her. I see Lark because my dad will often watch her for my sister while she is at work so the dog isn’t stuck in a crate for hours while she is gone.
Cut forward to now. A few weeks ago my dad asked if I could watch his 2 dogs who are both very nice because one of the older ones is slower to warm up to new people (but he does love me) while my father and stepmother go on a short weekend trip. I said no problem I understand.
I learned yesterday that the trip is for my sister’s wedding. I am not insulted or bothered that they didn’t tell me and that I’m not invited (cause we are not close) but this set off alarm bells. I called him this morning and clarified I would not be watching Lark and the conversation went like this:
Me: btw when I’m watching the dogs for you I’m not watching Lark
Dad: I think you are
Me: no I am not
Dad: we will pay you some money
Me: I am not watching lark. I will watch(his dogs) only.
Dad: she’ll be fine once she’s there and calms down
Me: nope
Dad: it will totally be ok
Me: I am not doing it.
And he then got annoyed and said “fine” and hung up. If this dog was trained and less aggressive and annoying I wouldn’t mind watching her for my sister but as it is now the dog is a nightmare and I do not see that changing.
So WIBTA if I refuse to watch her dog too?
NTA. No is a complete sentence. Your reasoning is sound for why you won’t watch Lark. Is your Dad usually manipulative? From your story it seems that he knew you didn’t want to watch Lark and was trying trick you. Good job holding your boundary and watching out for further manipulation.
NTA
No one even bothered to be clear that they were asking you to watch your sister’s dog as well as the two you agreed to watch.
Your reasons for not agreeing to watch sister’s dog are not petty (though, even if they were petty reasons, it is still your right to refuse). Your reasons are about the level of effort and chaos you would have to deal with; it is more of an effort than you are willing to do.
If sis/parents are scrambling to arrange something for Lark (or all three dogs), that is the consequence of them not being absolutely transparent with you up front.
Tell them you are still happy to watch their two dogs; just to let you know for sure by X date so that you are not left hanging.
NTA.
>Me: btw when I’m watching the dogs for you I’m not watching Lark
Dad: I think you are
That already shows that:
1. He probably already planned on leaving Lark to you.
2. He doesn’t really care about your opinion/safety (esp if he already knows that Lark does not know you well and will misbehave as a result)
I would be concerned that he will still leave Lark over there when you go watch his dogs and pretend that he couldn’t find any other solution. So be careful OP.
This. At this point, I would tell them to find someone else to take care of all 3 dogs. Her dad was being deceptive, and there should be consequences for that.
NTA. The agreement was to watch your dad’s dogs. No one even asked you about watching Lark so it’s incredibly presumptuous of them (sister & parents) to assume you would also watch Lark. They changed the terms of the arrangement, so your prior agreement is rendered irrelevant.
NTA. Tell him to put Lark in a doggy overnight daycare type place. They can deal with that doggo.
NTA you agreed to 2 not 3. End of story.
NAH just put your foot down and suggest a kennel or something
your dad basically tried to sneak an untrained aggressive dog into the arrangement and hoped youd just deal with it once you were already committed, which is peak manipulative parent energy. the “shell calm down once shes there” line is what people say when they know theyre asking for something unreasonable and are hoping youll just accept it out of guilt or inertia. you agreed to watch two dogs, not three, and definitely not a dog that actively stresses out the other animals.
Hard to call but I have always thought the more dogs the better! I would train take Lark as well and use the time to train her.
NTA. I wouldn’t watch Lark either. Your dad was being deceptive about the whole thing. He didn’t tell you the wedding was the reason for going out of town (not that he had to), but he completely withheld the fact that you would be taking care of 3 dogs instead of 2. He already knew how you felt about Lark, so he tried to trick you into it. Fuck that.
Way to hold the line! NTA