I (19F) and my roommate (18F) met online about a day before the housing deadline was announced for my college. We decided to be roommates after a two hour conversation and we seemed to agree on all fronts. For the past year, we have been having tensions surrounding the cleanliness of my side of the dorm. I will be honest, I have a tendency to leave my clothes out, drawers open and messy. I DO make a note to make sure my side a.) doesn’t cross over onto hers and b.) does not interfere with her ability to access the heater/windows that are on my side. There is a very clear cut line where my side is and her side is because of the placement of my desk, dead center. She has been texting me randomly asking me to clean up my side, occasionally cleaning it for me (out of a good samaritian sort of attitude as I have told her honestly about my struggle with depression and how that does effect my ability to stay neat). I want to note that I NEVER asked her to clean my side, and acted thankful to prevent tensions (freaking out about her touching my stuff). Recently she has gotten more frustrated with the room situation, becoming passive aggressive and not talking to me. I think we both had different standards of cleanliness from the beginning, but time definitely made it more apparent. I dont want to beef with her, but she has expectations that I deem slightly unreasonable, especially since my mess doesnt interfere with her ability to exist in the dorm. I want to note that she often spends time in the dorm, doesnt really leave, and frequently has friends over. This use of the dorm definitely contributes to tensions she might be feeling about it. AITA?
Edit: after reading through the comments, I see how im in the wrong. Thank you all for your feedback honestly. I have to work on being more accountable and I now recognize that I really shouldve been pulling more weight in this roommate situation. I plan on apologizing to my roommate tomorrow and moving foward really making an effort to change my ways.
YTA. You don’t live alone, people have to be subjected to your dirt. Clean up.
Info: in your two hour conversation what was discussed about your respective cleanliness and standards?
YTA. If you had your own room that is messy that is one thing but its one big shared space.
Also i might get downvoted but don’t hide behind depression. A lot of people use that or declare they are autistic when they are in the wrong. Also a clean space would actually help depression.
Just clean your side of the room. Leaving drawers open? Clothes all over the place? Look, I suppose it is your side of the room, but your roommate probably doesn’t enjoy living with a racoon for a roommate. This is a great time in your life to build good habits and putting away clothes is an easy win for two reasons: 1) It looks cleaner! 2) Your clothes last longer/stay cleaner. Either something goes in the dirty laundry basket or it gets hung up to be worn again. But leaving clothes strewn about doesn’t help.
YTA. You need the maturity to respect that other people exist and your untidiness offends her. Keep your space clean. You share it.
YTA. If you don’t want her touching your stuff, tidy it away. You agreed to share space with someone and you’ve said yourself you leave things messy.
YTA
If you care enough to make sure your mess stays on your side of the room, then you have time to clean up, Even if it means lazily stuffing stuff in drawers. I get depression sucks but its not a get out of jail free card.
I think the point you are missing is that the dorm is a shared space, its not two rooms connected, its one area you share. your roommate doesn’t like it because she has to look at and deal with your mess, especially if you guys want to have company.
What expectations are unreasonable? cause I’m willing to bet they are not that crazy.
YTA. Just because it doesn’t bleed over into her “side” doesn’t mean she’s not living in a messy room. It can be incredibly distracting to be in a space like that, and you’re likely negatively impacting her ability to relax and even study.
It’s not that hard. Clean up your mess. Your roommate doesn’t like living with someone who doesn’t clean up their mess. YTA
YTA. It’s shared space. Clean up
Being depressed doesn’t equate to being a pig. Clean up your mess ya grub. YTA
YTA. It’s a shared space
Definitely grow up and clean up. Depression is ***not*** a get out of jail free card. Stop using it as an excuse to be a slob. If it *really is* a big issue for you, you need to see a therapist and get put on meds. If you’re on meds, then either they’re not working the way they should or you’re just being lazy. It’s not just your room. She can spend as much time as she wants in the room as she lives there too. And she shouldn’t have to tolerate a slob.
YTA.