I (19 F) have been friend with this guy for about an year, I’ll call him Arthur. He is a chill guy and I like his company, one month after we met I met his girlfriend, a cool girl that I vibed with immediatly since we share the same interests. Until then everything was fine, but since I met her every friend we have in common has been giving me weird comments. Like, when I ask "where is Arthur", they answer "He has a gf, he must be with her and not with you, obviously", and IT MAKES SENSE. I respect them as a couple, but since this comments have been happening I’m starting to think ppl think I like him. It´s very uncomfortable in general and I started to try to evaluate what I´ve been doing and if I´ve been acting weird. I’m never alone with him, we talk a lot about her cause he is so in love that he is always complimenting her, and I find it lovely.
BTW, I have been considering that I might be aromantic due to my lack of interest on ANYBODY, and I’ve never seen Arthur as more than a friend, and not even that close of a friend.
Now he presented me to this other guy friend of his, who also has a girl who I never met. Today the guy randomly sent me an instagram post, I commented it looked cool and he said "Yeah I sent it to my gf", and Im quite confused cause why is he giving me that context?
It might be obvious, but I’m an anxious girly and I don’t really see where they come from, and maybe I didnt explain well enough, but the comments are constant.
Even tho its hard cause we´re on the same friend group, im considering avoiding spending too much time with him just so I stop having to listen to this things. I know usually when ppl have this idea about someone they have a reason, but I really tought about everything I´ve been doing till this point and I don´t see anything but pure respect and a light friendship.
Avoiding him would maybe make him confused, but at the same time, I feel like he is the one who told our other friends that I might like him so…
WIBTA? (im sorry for the bad english btw)
Nta. Being heterosexual sounds exhausting
istg!
NTA
You haven’t done anything wrong. This sounds like other people projecting or making dumb assumptions, not anything you actually did.
From what you described, you’re respectful of his relationship, you’re not crossing boundaries, and you even get along with his girlfriend. That’s normal. The comments you’re getting are just people being weird about opposite gender friendships.
The other guy mentioning his girlfriend like that is probably the same thing. He’s just trying to make it clear he’s taken so no one misreads anything. It’s awkward, but it’s not really about you personally.
You don’t need to avoid Arthur if you enjoy the friendship. That just punishes you for something you didn’t do and might actually make things feel more suspicious to others. If anything, keeping things normal and maybe even being friendly with his girlfriend publicly shuts down those assumptions better.
If the comments keep happening, the best move is to call it out lightly like “why do you guys keep saying that, he’s just my friend” and move on. Most people will drop it once they realize it’s not getting a reaction.
You’re not the problem here. The group dynamic is.
Nta, it’s okay to avoid men with girlfriends especially if people around them (or them) make comments like this to imply you may be overstepping, its okay – some people are cool with it some arent
Thank you!! This acc helps a lot. I just dont wanna make them uncomfortable and at the same time I wanna be chill with everyone
NTA maybe just clear things up (I don’t have feelings for Arthur.) and carry on the light friendship like normal
NAH. Is there any friend that dislikes you(are you suspicious of anyone)? Sounds pretty much like someone is jealous of you and is spreading misinformation to the guys/other friends and that’s why they act like that.
Let me give you an example of my own: I’m a woman, I have a male co-worker we are pretty good friends with. He has a gf i have a bf but in our friend group it has never occured to anyone that we might like each other.
Enters another coworker that has tried to sleep with said male friend(before he got his current gf) and is jealous of our friendship, she gets mad at me for the smallest things. Now she does not ask about our coworker when he is not there, she just “happens to mention/point out”. So I would say asking where is xy, should not be treated like that.
Obviously it is a friend you like a lot and click well with so you would like to hang out with them.
Tbh I dont think anybody dislikes me to that point. What I do know is that one of our friends thinks their relationship is shallow bc they started dating right after one of them broke up from a toxic relationship (and I disagree with her and stated that directly to her face)
Just be you. People are stupid. Always thinking there is something going on behind motives. Roll your eyes and laugh at ignorant people. Go do stuff with your friends and make sure to invite the gf. The gf, if mature and not crazy will realize friendship is friendship. I had more male friends than female friends because a lot of female are nuts and shallow. Don’t give people like this your time. Maybe they are ones that can’t handle those kind of relationships. My best friend all my life was a kid I grew up with across the street from. We are now in our late 50’s and he will always be considered my best friend, after my husband of course. I’ve met his wife several times and his kids, and I’ve stated openly he has always been my best friend. They are cool with it. Stay away from ugly people and their meanness.
More than likely, the GFS have mentioned your friendship with their bfs, and they are just acting in accordance with the GFS wishes. 🤔🤷
Then I really should avoid him!!!! Thanks. I just wish she stated her boundaries directly to me instead of making everybody feel this way about me.
NTA no matter how you decide to handle this. If it were me, I’d probably try to address it with him directly, but you’re not the one who made things weird, and it doesn’t have to be your job to fix it.