My(F21) mother(F56) has been dating a man(M70~) for a while. Since I was in high school probably. He’s lived with us for a while now and moved with us to our newer home, where I live in a sort of apartment in the upstairs portion of their house.
The man, we’ll just call him Jean, has been having serious health problems for a little while now. Stuff like his leg not working, or constantly falling. It’s scary for my mother, whose father died back in 2020 after falling and hitting his head. He had refused to go to a hospital and by the time he got treatment it was too late and he passed away. She’s traumatized from this and Jean is also refusing to go a hospital, saying shit to her like "I’d rather die here than in a hospital" and complaining that it’s emasculating to go and get care.
Last night she took him to the ER because he couldn’t move his left leg and he was extremely lethargic and had problems seeing. But he fucking changed his mind in the waiting room and demanded she take him home. She did.
I keep telling her she needs to get him care whether he wants it or not but she’s afraid to upset him.
I’ve thought about it and I’m considering calling an ambulance and having them take him to make sure he’s not about to fucking die in front of my mother. Not for his sake, but for my mother’s. She’s fragile and I genuinely don’t know what would happen if he died like this.
Would I be the asshole for calling an ambulance against his wishes? Please note that money is not an issue as he’s relatively wealthy and is retired, which is something I’ve considered because I tend to prefer driving to the hospital to avoid the ambulance fees.
NTA but he’d still have the right to refuse service. Just cause an ambulance shows up doesn’t mean they have to take him or that he has to go (assuming he’s conscious and can communicate when they arrive).
This. He can refuse to let them treat him as long as he’s alert enough to talk.
So, unless he’s unconscious or otherwise delirious (fever, etc), there’s no point calling an ambulance.
So YTA if you do call “just because” and try to force medical decisions on him. The ambulances aren’t on call on demand doctors. They’re there for actual emergencies and emergency transport when it’s too risky/painful/immediate support care needed for a friend or relative to take the person to the er in their own vehicle.
Depending where you live, ambulances can be in short supply and need to be available for true life saving emergencies.
Honestly, when it’s his time he can go as he wishes. Respecting someone’s medical decisions for their care and end of life plans is the best thing you can do.