I’m (20f) inviting some of my friends over for the first week of winter break so lowkey about a month away. We’re roadtripping but we’ll stay the first day or two at my house and then set out.
My parents are immigrants, we’re a muslim family, so as far as my parents know i don’t drink, wear shorts, tank tops, go fratting/clubbing. Now, my parents have no issue with other people doing these things, obviously no alcohol in their house but everything is fair game for others. For me, there is no world where I would tell my parents I do any of these things, because my parents are funding me through college, they’re having a very rough time dealing with my siblings right now, and generally see me as their daughter who they don’t have to stress over. I don’t want to damage our relationship or break their hearts.
so i told my friends not to mention that i do any of that stuff, which i feel like is not a crazy ask , and also generally something you don’t even bring up to your friends parents. they’re all fine with this except for one of my friends (also 20f) who thinks that that’s kind of unfair? and that i can’t ask her to lie to my family, and that i need to grow up and tell them an adult and do what i want. i feel like she’s just being contrary for some reason. one of my friends agreed that i should just tell them, but that it’s not crazy to ask them not to mention it.
my friend is american, and she has also said before that she thinks i should just tell my parents i do these things because im an adult, this is america, its my life, and that it’s unreasonably toxic for my parents to expect me to abide by these rules. i’m not gonna say much on that, but I think it’s fair, at the end of the day i call myself a muslim and i don’t behave like one, and they’re generally extremely lax on actual strict muslim behaviors. I could’ve had stricter parents that didn’t allow me half the freedoms i currently have (live by myself, moved away to college alone, financial freedom and unconditional support for any career path, my parents love me to death and treat me like a princess). but she disagrees.
idk aita? i don’t feel like im asking for a lot
absolutely NTA. i have a similar belief and i’m hindu so my parents expect to do similar things. with that, my friends are either culturally diverse or are aware that i have different expectations. they shouldn’t expect you to tell them neither should they not lie for you. i’m sorry your friends think that “this is america” as if immigrants don’t have completely different expectations.
also if it helps, just bring over the ones that are okay with lying and not the ones that are snitching if that makes your life easier. i know it’s not the best thing to do but you can’t control their actions nor do you know what they will do if you do end up bringing them to your house. best of luck to you!
NTA, and honestly, revoke her invitation to your house even if she does suddenly agree not to say anything. She wouldn’t mean it. She’s more interested in making a point that ThIs Is AmErIcA and YoUrE aN aDuLt then being a good friend, and honestly, even if you weren’t muslim, this would not be a big ask. You’re right that it’s not something you would generally bring up to your friends’ parents anyway; plenty of atheists in non-immigrant families wouldn’t want their parents to know they drank or went out partying.
NTA Your “friend” is a fucking asshole. Disinvite her immediately. She will deliberately out you to your parents, I know the type. You are living your life as you please, you do not need to rub your parents faces in it though. Your friend is toxic AF.
NTA – Let your friends stay at a hotel for those first two nights; they don’t need to be around 24/7.