I (26F) and my husband (26M) are butting heads, or as he likes to put it, “a difference of opinion.” The friend is one of my husband’s closest friends, however I am not a fan. My husband’s friend was his best man for our wedding, which is where the problems begin. First, we couldn’t go to certain suit shops, also we knew that best man wasn’t super financially secure and we were understanding of this as weddings can be expensive for those in the party, which led to more issues for us. Originally we had wanted to do separate bachelor/bachelorette but decided we should do it together because our friend group is really close and we like having both girlfriends and boyfriends together. I honestly believe getting the party organized was 20x harder than organizing the actual wedding that’s how chaotic it was. Let me tell you all, that was probably the worst bachelor bachelorette of life. Basically everything we had planned was either too much for the best man, not quick enough, or not something he did so he didn’t participate. Anyways the big nail in the coffin and the biggest problem was that I was at the end of my rope with all the sly comments and horrible attitudes, I felt so bad for my husband because he wasn’t getting the experience he should have gotten. Long story short a few choice words were said by me where the best man misheard what I had said and got into a fight with my husband and told us we need to figure it out before the wedding. At this point I was so upset because I hate confrontation so I was in my room crying, but from my husbands explanation the best man said he would not sign our wedding license if we didn’t figure stuff out. We ended up telling the best man that he was not allowed in the wedding party after the altercation. We did still extend the invite to our wedding and we were told they would attend. However, they ended up no showing when they had told us they were coming.
I personally believe that if they don’t want to be there for our celebration of marriage they don’t deserve to be part of our lives continuing. We bought a new house and I refuse to have them over, they keep asking to see the new place or if they are allowed over. My husband is very good and understands how I feel about the situation. He is upset himself and hates that it happened but he doesn’t want to deal with the problem forever and is on the side of moving on and putting it behind us. I just feel like I can’t. I get he is friends with our friends and we see them still, but I don’t get a hello from them and I don’t give a hello. I am civil and keep my distance, but I want nothing to do with them. They showed how they feel about us and I don’t want them in my life anymore. My husband doesn’t see the ex best man as a best friend anymore but feels because he is friends with his friends that we should just move on and not dwell on the situation.
INFO: What “choice words” did you say that were somehow misheard? Because this sounds like very important information.
IIf you want to control who your husband can be friends with, are you willing to give him the same power over who you are friends with?
There’s far too many missing pieces to this story. Too many glazed-over conversations where the best man in the bad guy.
> Long story short a few choice words were said by me where the best man misheard what I had said and got into a fight with my husband and told us we need to figure it out before the wedding.
This is sort of the meat & potatoes of the story, but you’ve glossed over it.
INFO: what actually happened? We don’t know if BM was justified or not.
INFO: Can you elaborate on the actual problem? What do you mean can’t go to certain suit shops? Like designer? And are you saying the bachelor party was too expensive? Details please. Please clarify because when you say “you feel bad for your husband because he wasn’t getting the experience he deserved” it sounds like you wanted a huge blowout and his best friend was on a budget. Am I reading this right?
INFO Why would the best man need to sign the license? Was he also the officiant? I’m confused?
Impossible to vote with the terrible story telling.
“I was the one who said something first which technically caused the entire situation“
so…what did you say?
without that info, this is just gobbleygook
Need more information. You’re leaving out all the important details.
YTA your husband chose his best man and he didn’t meet your standards or taste for what your husband “should” have gotten ie a fancy suit and some non traditional (mixed bachelor party) activities that you decided were essential. Not being able to buy a fancy suit or participate in certain activities does not an asshole make. He heard you complain about it and said something and you disinvited him from his role as best man. That’s hurtful. You are doing your best to isolate your husband. You are definitely the asshole and I feel sorry for your husband and his former friend.
Didn’t quite follow the story but it doesn’t matter because your husband is grown and should be able to be friends with whom ever he wants. He’s not 12.
YTA for this dramatic yet vague story. I’m guessing you’re being intentionally vague because you caused the problems and now you want Reddit to be on your side.
So so so so many words but it’s still lacking an actual story. I feel like we didn’t get the experience we all deserved.
YTA because it seems like you’re purposely downplaying anything that could potentially make you look bad (you literally didn’t explain anything or provide ANY actual details from before the wedding that explain your role in anything, you just gloss right over those details) or anything that could make him look more sympathetic.
The most concrete and specific thing you said was that he skipped your wedding, but we still don’t know why.
That’s not how AITA ideally works – you need to provide full context into your actions, the other party’s actions, etc.