My partner likes to joke around a lot, she’ll constantly say brainrot words from tiktok and I’m more than happy to follow because I o find it funny, she makes jokes around every situation if she can find an entry, and I do really enjoy it.
Sometimes her jokes are situational, for example, a typo can mean something completely different and she’ll joke about that to no end, but oftentimes she’ll joke about something about me, like how I probably have so many other girls that she doesn’t know about (I don’t), or that I have a secret family (I also don’t), or that I’m a terrivle boyfriend (I hope I’m not), or even that I’m gay (I’m not), and I do play along, it’s fun and funny, but sometimes it goes on for too long, and sometimes she involves other people (she once showed our friends an out of context screenshot of something I said that sounds bad) and when she does that, I feel uncomfortable, I even feel like deep inside she really feels thay way about me.
Whenever I show discomfort or if I bring this up, she gets sad and tells me she’ll never joke about anything ever again, which makes me sad because I do enjoy her jokes, its just that sometimes it makes me uncomfortable. I don’t want her to feel like I don’t find her funny or that I’m limiting her expression, but at the same time I really can’t tell if she’s still joking or if she’s really trying to say something. AITA for telling her this?
NTA. This honestly is too much. Tell her your relationship is off the table for her jokes.
What she is doing is called emotional manipulation. It’s is *never* ok.
Yeah, this is the type of joking people hide behind so they can hurt you without looking like the bad guy.
NTA.
The part that concerns me is when you’re bringing up what makes you uncomfortable and she says she’ll never joke about anything again. This is a manipulation tactic designed to disarm you. You state a small boundary, she overreacts to it, making you feel like your boundary was unfair or controlling.
I would have a conversation with her about how you love her and you think she’s funny, but some of the jokes make you uncomfortable, and you have a right to feel that way. When she overreacts, you can say, “I don’t believe you. I don’t think you’re going to stop joking—which I never asked you to do. I need us to talk about why you’re okay with making jokes long after I’ve expressed discomfort.”
She sounds a bit immature. Or very young.
when someone does that ‘guess i’ll never do (thing) again’, i just calmly say ‘okay’ in an agreeable tone. usually after the second or third try, that tactic stops.
Omg she’s mean.
NTA but she kinda is
Anyone that says “I’ll never do anything ever again,” when you tell them their actions upset you isn’t a good person.
My dad does that. Me: “You hurt my feelings.” Him: “I’ll just never talk ever again.”
She jokes you’re a terrible boyfriend, you have other girls, you’re gay, she’s made you feel uncomfortable in front of your friends with her jokes.
She either sucks or is 13. This has absolutely nothing to do with your reactions.
NTA, though you are to yourself.
man, she’s bullying you. does she even like you.. at all?
if her jokes are at your expense, and it doesn’t make you laugh and makes you uncomfortable, why pretending that you’re ok with it? you should shut it down the first time it happened.
a joke supposed to make ppl laugh, not miserable.
tell her what she is, a terrible jokester.
NTA Joking around is fine. Making you (or anybody) the butt of her jokes is only fine as long as the subject is fine with it. You are not fine with it. She can get defensive about this all she likes. But is hurting the feelings of someone she loves really worth the schtick?
Also, when people in relationships do this to their partners for the benefit of others, it’s a pretty cringe look. I hate that awkward feeling of being in the presence of those couples. It’s very uncomfortable to watch someone be oblivious to their partners discomfort while they make joke at said partner’s expense. It’s embarrassing for both of them for very different reasons
NTA. Sometimes my partner takes the “I’ll never do X thing again”. It’s not taking responsibility and is a great way to avoid having to care about someone else’s feelings.
We’ve had some serious conversations about how saying this when I’m bringing up an issue is unhelpful and doesn’t do anything to address the problem.
In no world is your girlfriend going to stop making jokes. She’s using a defensive response that puts the blame back on you for trying to restrict her hurtful behavior because she doesn’t understand how to be caring while joking and learning feels insurmountable.
NTA. But when you bring it up and she reacts the way she does, that’s extremely manipulative.
Yes. She goes from joking to “I’ll never joke again.” Why can’t she just take it as you mean it. Girl, you took that particular joke to a place that made me uncomfortable. The end. Her extreme, to me, means that she wants full license to do whatever shenanigans her meangirl brain denotes at that moment. That’s just selfish.
NTA
Jokes are only funny if both sides laugh when its personal
NTA – you need couple’s counseling. If her go to is “I’ll never do any jokes again”, that’s emotionally manipulative. You can’t say, “I like it but there’s a limit” because her humor is her defense mechanism and she sees questioning it as an attack on her. She doesn’t lash out but she’s mildly defensive and that isn’t a good way to communicate.
The things you find funny or the things you’re attracted to at first, over time will wear on you though.
She is gaslighting the f**k out of you with the “I’ll never joke about anything again” BS … She’s being mean and then crying victim when she gets called out on it. Expect it to get progressively worse over time. I love to crack jokes and I’ve teased partners before but never in a way that could actually hurt their feelings. Jokes are only funny if the recipient of the joke is laughing.