hi all! i know this might seem really immature and kiddy but i genuinely feel bad and would love to know how to go about this.
so i (17f) am not allowed sleepovers. i think since i was around 7 both me and my older brother were banned because we asked for them too much.
as i got older, my parents agreed to let me have one sleepover a year (excluding new years). this year has been pretty tough for me in the friend department, so when i finally got close with one, and she invited me to her sleepover i really wanted to go.
i told her that i’m not sure if i’d be allowed (the stayover would be at a hotel) but i would ask. i asked both my parents and at first they said no (cause its at a hotel) but then they said they would want to speak to my friends parents first.
i sent over the name and number immediately (this was 10 days prior to when i was supposed to stay over). because my friend really wanted me to confirm asap i reminded my mom once a day to call her mom. sometimes it was multiple times.
every other day she would tell me shes calling her today and she wouldnt.
anyway, yesterday, when it was time to go, i asked her and she said no cause she hadnt had time to call my friends mom and now it would be embarassing to call.
i honestly wouldve understood and preffered if she just said no instead of doing all that. i felt rlly bad because i was so excited for once. i decided to ask my dad when he came home and asked why i wasnt at the sleepover.
he told me its fine i can go so i packed my bags and stayed over.
when i came home this morning my mom and dad were fighting and my moms screamed at me for ‘going over her head’ and ‘not respecting her’ and now shes silent.
im really not sure how to understand this, please be as honest as you can. AITA?
NTA
It sounds like your mom was just stalling to create an excuse to deny you. If she really didn’t want you going, she should’ve given you a flat no from the start.
You’re still young, but you’re old enough that your parents shouldn’t be playing these types of games.
NTA, you wouldn’t have to ask if your mom had done her job.
If someone has a requirement, it is their job to do the work to fulfill the requirement.
NTA, parents had enough time and I’m glad your dad allowed you to go
NTA
Next post from OPs mum, why won’t my children speak to me
NTA. He’s just as much your parent as she is and to be honest you’re almost an adult. Are you planning on living with them after you turn 18?
NTA at all when your mom strategically kept ‘forgetting” and stringing you along.
NTA
If your mom regards going to your dad as going over her head, there’s a fucked up dynamic between your parents. I expect that’s what your mother is REALLY angry about.
She did bring it on herself however, by being immature. If she didn’t want to let you go to the hotel with your friend, she should have said that, instead of trying to do a backdoor denial by not calling your friend’s mother.
“Going over her head”? This comment identifies the problem, I think. What you have in place of a parent is a petty potentate. She sounds exhausting, unhappy.
NTA
NTA. Your Mom was Stalling. It’s not actually your fault that your Dad basically made an executive decision here. You did nothing wrong, you are 17, you shouldn’t be having to beg to have a sleep over, in under 12 months you’ll be a legal adult and your parents won’t get a say anymore. I suspect your Mom in particular is likely to have some real issues adjusting to the reality that you are about to be an adult with the right to make your own choices. Your parents clearly have some communication issues but that is a Them problem.
NTA. Your mother created problems for you and your friend and your friend’s parents by refusing to tell everyone what was going on. Your father is your parent too and it is perfectly OK for him to make decisions about parenting. Don’t feel guilty about the argument. Your father is old enough to stick up for himself.
If the sleep-over was at a hotel then your friend’s parents and/or your friend would have needed to know how many people would be attending in order to order food and get a room with enough space.
Your mother is being immature. No one older than about 10 should be giving anyone the silent treatment. It is what people do when they know they don’t have a valid point.
The thing is, you’re still under 18, but you’re old enough that you should have some freedom. If you don’t, then you’re going to have no idea how to be an adult. Your parents may have valid reasons for not liking sleep-overs. Maybe something bad happened to one of them at a sleepover. Who know. But they need to discuss those things with you given that you’re nearly an adult, not simply say “no.”
You did nothing wrong. If your mother says anything, I would tell her that you’re sorry she is upset but she left you no choice because she didn’t respect you or your friend or your friend’s parents enough to tell you all what was happening. Your dad is your parent too and he is easier to deal with. Frankly, I’d remind her that freezing you out and being unreasonable is not going to set you up for a good relationship later on when it will be your choice to interact with her or not.
You did nothing wrong. You’re nearly an adult and adults have to take matters in their own hands when people are dragging their feet. She was not being a parent when she didn’t do her due diligence, and that was her bad, not yours. There’s no rule around asking mom to call them first. You asking your dad was more than fair and him agreeing without asking her means he was in the wrong, not you. Remind them that, next year when you’re 18, you won’t even have to ask 💅
NTA
Explanation…. Your mom did not want you to go and her REFUSAL to call was just so she did not have to even consider allowing you to go. Why would she be embarrassed calling another Mom who was already allowing a hotel sleep over on the day of? Because she did not want you to go.
She could have been honest and said no. “Going over her head” implies she did not want you to go and it had NOTHING to do with being embarrassed.
NTA, your dad asked and your told him why, that’s not going over her head. Going over her head would have been you being told no from the start then you going to dad to try and reverse the decision.
That being said one or both of your parents are failing to parent right. When things come up like this it should be a closed door discussion, an agreement made and both keep to it. So if they agreed to let you go then your mom passive aggressively sabotaged it thats on her. If they agreed to keep you home dad shouldn’t have asked about it then let you go.
NTA. Going over her head? You asked your father who in a healthy relationship is an equal partner and parent.
Your mom sounds extra and exhausting. In a few years she be wondering why her adult daughter doesn’t talk to her or why she’s not invited to any milestones on your life.