I (23f) met up for dinner with Sarah (23f) . Sarah had taken a year out from her studies and so it had been a year since she came back. We were in a friendship group so Sarah asked me how all of them were doing. After asking about everyone else, she asked me how Lara (24f) was doing. Lara and Sarah had an argument three years ago. They both describe it differently and to be fair would rather be friends with both of them.
Sarah mentioned how she had asked Lara for help in the computer room with something as it was urgent and she felt that Lara had reacted very uncomfortably and asked me if Lara still had bad feelings towards her. Sarah explained that the past three years were tumultuous and she realised she had bigger concerns. I explained that Lara still was not quite over what Sarah did. Sarah seemed quite annoyed and asked me what Lara claimed she did as she felt that she was the one who had been isolated and left out due to Lara. In summary, Lara had organised a games night and told Sarah the wrong time and location so Sarah thought she could not make it. Lara then made a separate groupchat without Sarah to organise the event. Sarah recounted this and asked her what she did wrong.
I explained to her that they had both told me stuff that I would not tell each other and that Lara’s recollection of events were different. I reiterated I did not want to get involved Sarah got more annoyed. I always thought Sarah had thought I had chosen Lara’s side as I moved in with her and had her at parties She confirmed this she asked "why then were you telling me to apologise to Lara instead of telling Lara to". The energy got cold and she just changed the subject
The subject came up again because Sarah was telling me that another friend had told her a girl who I knew to be a pathological liar had been telling people I hate Sarah and Sarah asked if I had heard this and laughed. I said maybe she meant that Lara hated you. Sarah asked if Lara hated her and if she still talked about the incident and I told her Lara talked about the argument once during a deep chat with friends but doesn’t tell everyone she meets. Sarah got annoyed and said it was not an argument because it’s not like she got an opportunity to say or do anything. Lara just left her out and again I repeated there were two sides to every coin
I told my friend this and apparently I was the BF for choosing sides and then invalidating Sarah?
Edit : Lara’s version
I think Lara and Sarah had an argument before hand and Sarah went back to her room saying she didn’t want to talk it out thag moment. It was Sarah asking if a comment Lara made was why a mutual friend was ignoring them and Lara getting annoyed and telling her she can’t say that to her because she was stressed out. Sarah said they were all stressed out. Lara says Sarah gathered her things declining Lara’s offer to talk it out thag moment.
That was when the groupchat was made. Just before Sarah found out what Lara did they had gone to a prebooked nom- cancellable dinner ehere they were seated together and Lara said it was so awkward because Sarah kept talking to them. After this Sarah found out as she texted me asking if gamesnight was still going ahead as the chat was empty. Afterwrads she just started avoiding Lara and ignoring her hi
I have so many questions. I need to ask what they’re saying about each other? How does Lara’s recollection of events differ from Sarah’s? And was *did* Sarah do that Lara is so upset about? Without the info it makes it hard to make a judgement call, but I do feel a little bit like YTA. The hatred between the two of them seems very one-sided coming from Lara and it feels like Sarah just wants to be included. Unless what Sarah did is just really awful, it feels like Sarah just deserves better friends than both Lara *and* you.
It’s simple: Did Lara actually lie to Sarah about the event location? Did she organize a separate group chat to exclude Sarah?
YTA because from an outsiders perspective it very much DOES look like you’ve chosen a side despite you claiming that you “don’t want to get involved”. You chose Lara’s side, especially when you asked Sarah to apologize and NOT Lara.
Based on what you’ve said in your post, I fail to see exactly how there are “two sides” to what happened between them.
Is it true that Lara intentionally told Sarah the wrong day/time of the game night to specifically exclude her?
Is it true that Lara then set up a separate group chat, again intentionally excluding Sarah from it, to actually organize the game night?
Both those actions firmly put Lara as being the one in the wrong, yet nowhere in your post do you say that you told Lara that she needed to apologize to Sarah. Exactly what did Sarah do wrong that justified Lara’s actions, in your mind….especially since Lara is still apparently holding a grudge against her 3 yrs later.
Info: so was the argument that broke up their friendship about the game night? Your summary of it was that Lara gave Sarah the wrong info and deliberately left her out of the group chat. Is that Sarah’s version? Lara’s? Or was it something else entirely and this was just something that happened afterward?
This sounds like a soap opera!
Looks like you’re on Lara’s side tho
Look, this is *exactly* why you don’t talk behind people’s backs. “Idk you’ll have to ask her.”
That’s it, THE END.
Info: You said Sarah said it started with something in a computer room. What did Lara say happened in the computer room as Sarah said she asked for help and Lara didn’t want to? And then later Lara lied about where a game night was and when.
Never get in the middle of someone else’s spat. “I don’t want to get involved in this” is all you ever have yo say and then NEVER talk about the other person/people when in company of others. When you mention the event or person/people, even in passing, tou are basically stirring a pot of shit tou don’t want dumped on tour shoes. Therefore, NEVER talk about Sarah to Lara or Lara yo Sarah or the inciting event ever again if tou don’t want the drama.
If you enjoy drama, continue to have these absolutely useless discussions.
So Lara says she’s too stressed to talk about it at the moment, so Sarah went back to her room. So when did she “decline Lara’s offer to talk about it in the moment?” Lara just said she was too stressed to talk about it.
And Lara’s issue with Sarah, that she’s still upset about three years later, is that Sarah kept trying to talk to her at an un-cancellable dinner where they were seated together? Apparently it was “awkward,” as if directly ignoring the person directly next to her wouldn’t have been awkward? It sounds like Sarah was mending fences and Lara wanted nothing to do with it. It’s totally reasonable that Sarah would take away that Lara doesn’t want to talk to her, so she avoids her.
To repeat Sarah’s question, what did she do wrong? What was so egregious that Lara is still not over what “Sarah did?”
edited for verdict YTA. Even when telling “Lara’s version,” you’ve said nothing that Sarah should apologize for. The fact that you think she should makes you AH.
(deleted to put verdict in first level comment)
YTA as well as Lara plain and simple