(This post isn’t about my relationship)
So I (19f) planned a weekend visit for my boyfriend in my dorm. I have a roommate, she lives a 4 hour drive from our uni, she had told me that she was going to visit her boyfriend at his uni and be gone for the weekend. The reason I planned my boyfriend visiting that weekend was because I knew she would be gone.
For context: Im a very private person and I don’t like having my boyfriend over when my roommate is present, it’s really awkward for everyone involved. Also my roommate is in our room practically 24/7 on the weekends so I never have alone time. I also can’t drive until further notice but I’m working on it, so I have no way to visit him rn otherwise I would be visiting him.
Anyway, she flaked out last minute and decided she didn’t want to visit him. So she would stay the entire weekend 😬. I wasn’t having it and asked if she could go home this weekend, she said she couldn’t bc she didn’t have enough money for gas to go. Which, in hindsight, was probably her just trying to decline; however, Im a problem solver so I asked her how much she would need for gas for a round trip and paid it to her plus some extra for the trouble. I was a little pushy with asking but she could have said no and refused it without me getting mad at her.
Sure it’s annoying that I get no alone time and would have to spend time with my boyfriend with her sitting literally 5ft away.. but I wouldn’t hold a grudge.
She took the money and was gone for the weekend though. And she came back mad at me. So now we have a meeting with the RA. Was I the Asshole?
Info – is bf allowed to spend the night in the dorm?
Yes, he is allowed in the dorm in all capacity
you weren’t in the wrong for asking initially, but being pushy about it was where the line gets drawn. your roommate has just as much of a right to spend the weekend there as you do. it’s fine to be disappointed your plans changed, but there’s definitely a power dynamic when someone you live with 24/7 is repeatedly pressuring you into not spending time in your shared living space. whether intentionally or inadvertently, you made her uncomfortable to share a space with you. is there any reason why your bf can’t pick you up for a weekend since you can’t drive to him? maybe during the RA meeting you can come to an agreement about you getting some alone time in the dorm, however.
To clarify this was the only time I have ever asked her to leave the room. She doesn’t leave the room for anything other than classes. My boyfriend has visited twice in the entire year. He doesn’t visit often and his car was totaled so he has been taking the bus and walking from the bus stop.
You should never ‘ask her to leave the room’.
You should leave the room of being with your boyfriend there makes you uncomfortable. Go get a hotel.
This. Op wants privacy. Go elsewhere.
Roommate pays for the dorm just like OP.
She has a right to stay and probably felt forced out and unwelcome in her own space.
Had a roommate like that. Found out since the beds were so small that they pushed our beds together so theyd have more room.
I was so disgusted I threw out the sheets disinfected everything and then got a new dorm (private one but had to pay more unfortunately but it was better to make sure my stuff wasnt messed with)
Thats awful, we keep our room very divided minus a shared tv and fridge. We stay on my side only and don’t touch her stuff at all. Im so sorry you had that experience though
i mean, you two are probably going to have to spend the rest of the year living together. if she’s spending so much time at the dorm and not really leaving, she’s probably a bit lonely. why not try getting to know her better, if you haven’t already? it’d help ease the tension caused by making her uncomfortable and also potentially make you feel more comfortable having your boyfriend around.
To clarify: she has no problem with my boyfriend being there. My boyfriend has no problem with her being there. It’s incredibly awkward for me. She doesn’t leave to eat and on the weekends only leaves the room to do laundry or use the bathroom so i get maybe a few minutes by myself on the weekends. If I could get a hotel I would but I live in the middle of nowhere atm so there’s no hotels in a safe walking distance.
YTA for pressuring your roommate to leave her own dorm room just so you can fuck your bf in privacy. Make other arrangements.
We weren’t fucking. Im waiting til marriage it was literally solely because I don’t want to have to awkwardly avoid my room all day because she never leaves it.
Get a bed tent for privacy. Your roommate has the right to be there. YTA