"My(40+) wife(30+) placed clothes she was about to iron on our bed and then went to shower. I brought our six-year-old daughter into the room to put on lotion after I shower her. She got distracted, became playful, and accidentally got lotion on the clothes.
Now, my wife is upset with me, to the point where she is cancelling our trip, throws things and insults me saying it’s my fault for not moving the clothes when I saw our daughter playing near them. She feels that since she was in the shower, I became responsible for watching the clothes.
She has a lot of issues with me because of miscommunication which she only brings up whenever she gets the chance and her expectations of me are high in my role as the Father in the house. Just bringing it up to understand where her anger is coming from. And some of here resentments are from the past which she can’t move on from.
AITA and deserving of this kind of toxic and draining behavior?
Additional context:
I think I need to elaborate. My daughter is trained to apply her own lotion, which is why I allow her to do it by herself. She simply forgot to spread out some of it on her tiny arm. This unspread lotion then transferred to the clothes, a spot about the size of my thumb, which I immediately removed without a spot. I was just asking here because I think that over reacting like that is unnecessary for something that can be fixed, that’s why I wasn’t bothered too much because she wasn’t really playing with the lotion.
Obvious YTA. “She” got distracted, or YOU got distracted? You weren’t responsible for watching the clothes, but you were responsible for watching your fucking kid, dude. Like, are you serious? Your wife probably finds this weaponized incompetence toxic and draining.
This, have you washed the clothes or are you waiting for your wife to? Because lotion (anything oily) can be a real pain to get out of clothes.
YTA
You knew she needed to iron them and you had responsibility of your child while your wife was in the shower. You then allowed the clothes to get ruined. Yes, it’s your fault. I wonder how many other things get ruined or simply don’t get done because you don’t think it concerns you. I imagine that’s where the “miscommunication” comes from.
YTA I see you. Do better
YTA
why would you put lotion on a child on the bed? wouldnt lotion get everywhere and on the sheets/bedding?
yta because you started to perform a task before you cleared the area/prepped. AND for expecting your wife to explain every little thing to you.
YTA. So many places you could put lotion on your daughter, and you chose to do it in YOUR bedroom, right next to the clothes your wife had set out to iron? I’m having a hard time believing this wasn’t intentional.
If her expectations for you as a father are to watch the kid and not let her destroy stuff then they aren’t high at all, they’re just normal. YTA
yta
The fact that she can’t shower without there being an issue doesn’t paint you in the best light. Of course no details on the “And some of her resentments are from the past which she can’t move on from” seems a bit ominous as well
INFO. Are you the one who is going to clean the ‘fixable accidental mess’? Or is she going to have to? Are you adding more to her plate instead of taking responsibility of the fuck up?
I’m leaning towards E.S.H and Y.T.A. I don’t think her reaction was great, so that could be considered being an AH.
However, this doesn’t feel like the first occurrence of something like this. It feels like you may be breaking the camel’s back, hence the Y.T.A.
You were meant to watch the kid and supervise her to make sure your wife could shower in peace.
Why are you bringing the kid into the room to put lotion on? Why put the kid on the bed, with clothes you know your wife needs, and let her go ham with a messy substance?
It feels very willful ignorant. It just doesn’t feel like the lotion is the main reason for this reaction.
YTA for being so vague about why your wife is upset with you in the first place. “Miscommunication”? Resentments from the past?
Methinks this isn’t really about lotion (though wtf, how do you get to such a big age without knowing that lotion is notoriously hard to get out of clothing). If you don’t think this is a big deal, it’s because you’ve never had to fix it, and it feels like a pattern of not giving a fuck.
ESH. Throwing things is extreme and never okay in my opinion, but watching your child to make sure she doesn’t get lotion on someone else’s clothes is not a high bar at all.
YTA. You weren’t “responsible for watching the clothes”, numbnuts, you were responsible for watching YOUR CHILD and not allowing them to wreak havoc on your wife’s things. Are you really so pathetically incapable that you cannot manage that for all of 20 minutes? You reek of laziness, manipulation and weaponized incompetence.
YTA. It sounds like you chose an inappropriate location to put lotion on your child and you got distracted. How hard is it to tell the child no? Or move the clothes? Or pick a better location?
Lotion is greasy and can permanently stain fabric. Now you have created more work – clean clothes that have to be rewashed and still need to be ironed. How many more loads of laundry now need to be done? Are you a partner in this relationship or another child?