I am 24 and live with a roommate F25. We get along mostly but she has this habit of taking my stuff without asking. It is not big things but things like my shampoo snacks charger hairbrush and once even my hoodie.
Every time I mention it she says sorry or that she was going to put it back but she keeps doing it. I have told her nicely to please ask me first and she agrees but nothing changes.
Last week I came home from work and she was wearing my t-shirt. She said she spilled on hers and borrowed mine. That was the last straw. I told her I am tired of my things being used without permission and she needs to ask next time
She got annoyed and said I am too strict and making a big deal of everything. She even said because we are roommates and not strangers it should be okay
I do not mind sharing I just want her to ask first. Now she is giving me the cold shoulder and told a friend I am overreacting about small things
So am I the asshole for setting boundaries about my things
NTA
Info: how is she getting items such as your hairbrush, charger, hoodie, and tshirt? Is she just going into your room? That is NOT ok.
Definitely not the asshole
nah dude, if she can’t respect basic boundaries she’s the one in the wrong lol. roommates ≠ free stuff dispenser 😤
Just start locking your room
NTA. Once your roommate makes it clear that they don’t want you to treat their possessions as your own, that should be the end of the conflict. Most roommates don’t want a free for all with their stuff; boundaries like asking first are much more the norm. When you live with someone else, you generally live according to the stricter set of boundaries, rather than expect them to let you just keep trampling over their boundaries. People get to own their things and set the conditions for using them. It’s one thing to overstep (with an apology!) when you don’t know or have an emergency, but it shouldn’t be happening regularly in normal day to day life.
Get a lock for your room
NTA, but she sure is. Keep your stuff in your room and lock it.
NTA
Taking without asking is stealing. She’s a thief
If your roommate thinks it’s ok, give her a taste of her own medicine. It’s amazing how people’s attitudes change when it’s happening to them.
>Now she is giving me the cold shoulder
Good. As long as she is also giving a cold shoulder to your things, sounds like the problem took care of itself.
Next time say, “stop stealing my things. Take that off right now.” Tell that to her friends, “she keeps stealing my stuff! I wouldn’t have moved in if I knew it was with a thief.” Stop being nice as she obviously doesn’t respect you. NTA
>She said she spilled on hers and borrowed mine.
does she only own one shirt? that’s such a weird thing to do
get a lock for your room, and start randomly “borrowing” her stuff, see how she likes it
“Now she’s giving me the cold shoulder…”
Then maybe the problem is solved for a while.
NTA