We live in an area with no public transport and nearest train station is a 30 min walk along a 50mph road with no pavement. For 2 years I’ve been able to do the school run for my DD in yr 9. I’m also 8 weeks PP with baby no 4 who has had medical issues and hospital stays.
Due to the increased COL my family needs me to work full time as soon as maternity is over so I’m going to struggle getting my DD to and from school. We have tried different ways for the past couple of months but all have caused issues including her being followed by a strange man at one point which resulted in a female driver stopping and staying with her until my husband could get there. There is a school closer with a free bus that’s picks up and drops off. With my DD starting her gcses next year she has to choose her opions so we decided to move schools early so she has time to settle, pick her options and focus on her exams. She is a top set student.
My mother doesn’t agree with us moving her coz my DD isn’t happy. She knows why but is upset about leaving her friend and has complained to my mother about it.
The day my baby had her jabs I was at home and my mother came in and started shouting at me that she doesn’t agree and I’m out of order. I tried to explain we have reasons why we made this choice but she wouldn’t listen. She just kept shouting she is an A* student and I’m damaging her education. I told her about the man following her but she still wouldn’t listen and kept shouting.
I have an older DD in college and gets average grades but she does her best and we are proud of her.
My mother pointed in my face and said I already have one child who is thick as pig s**t and now I’m damaging another.
I told her she was out of order, she shouted im out of order. I said she needed to leave and my dad was next to her, when she wouldn’t listen I asked him to take her. I was holding my baby and pumping milk at the same time.
They left and I haven’t heard a word since. My DD was there and heard her, my oldest DD is devastated her grandmother thinks that about her.
My mother has spoken to my siblings and said she shouldn’t have said it and she was in the wrong but hasn’t contacted me.
She’s told my sister that I’m in the wrong for kicking her out. She’s said because I kicked her out she can’t come to my home again ever and she’s old school so can’t even drop me a message to clear the air.
It’s been a month now and I’ve not heard from her but instead she’s posting pics of my siblings with their children doing all fun events that we don’t get invited to. It’s her birthday in a couple of weeks and will cause issues if I don’t acknowledge it.
So AITA for telling her to leave my home after she insulted my oldest DD?
DD – dear daughter
NTA, your mom sounds… very troubled.
Anyone who thinks of your kids like that and has the audacity to say it out loud, should not be in your home. Your kids need a safe haven in you and in your home. Please don’t let her back in. NTA
NTA. She was insulting and needs to stop trying to control your family’s decisions.
NTA, she’s the one who attacked you in your home, said horrible things about your child, and refuses to accept accountability. I also think it was unkind of your younger daughter to tell her sister what her grandmother said about her.
NTA: It doesn’t really matter if you were “right” or “wrong about moving the kid, your mom is a loon. I am wondering why your daughter went to this other school in the first place if it’s a hassle to get to?
NTA The fact that your Mom is family doesn’t give her a free pass to insult you or your daughter. She messed up and it’s on her to correct her behavior. She isn’t a good person for your daughter.
Your mom can have an opinion, but to come into your home, insult your oldest is beyond my comprehension. NTA and she shouldn’t come back until she apologies to your oldest in person.
It sounds like she’s made a choice and it’s not one of responsibility and kindness. Do you really want to deal with her for her birthday? I couldn’t do it until she took responsibility for her words. Not to your siblings or other relatives, but to those she harmed.
NTA for kicking her and YWBTA for allowing her back end after disrespecting your daughter without a conversation first. Your job as a mom is to stand up for your kids and she shouldn’t be allowed to graze over the disrespect. She also appears to be manipulative if she’s conveniently posting fun activities that you and your children are not invited to.
NTA. Your mother’s behavior was unhinged.
How you raise your children is not her business. Where your child goes to school is not her business.
She comes busting in your house. Screaming like a lunatic. Insults your oldest child, who heard her insults. All which is terrible on its own but she did all of this while you were pumping and hold your baby.
”…She’s said because I kicked her out she can’t come to my home again ever…”
This is her choice. There mothers like this in every culture. They think that because they are the parent they can disrespect their adult children. They demand respect but don’t give it. Refuse to apologize and expect their kids to come crawling to beg their forgiveness. Now she’s being petty and posting pictures of your siblings and their kids. This is all designed to hurt you. Her behavior is despicable.
Leave her to her adult tantrum. You don’t need the toxicity especially with four kids and one who is has health issues.
To bad the rest of your family are going to events where she is excluding you and your family.
A granny who says that her granddaughter is “thick as a pig” right out where your children could hear her? This isn’t just bad behavior, it’s disgusting behavior. If I were you, I’d keep my children far, far away from her.
Asking a woman who devastates her beloved grandchild with such cruel,, heartless words to leave is not out of order; instead, it’s 100% the right thing to do. And to call what she said “out of order” is to minimize its undermining, heartbreaking impact on your oldest daughter.
There is no air to be cleared here. There should be a grandmother wracked with guilt and begging for forgiveness, trying to do everything she possibly can to repair her relationship with your daughter. There should be deep and sincere apologies.
Instead, you have her going nanny nanny foo foo and posting photos of events to which your family isn’t invited because apparently your siblings don’t take seriously the harming of a teenage child by her grandmother.
Sorry, engage in other fun events with your children, but keep them safe from a woman who would do such an ugly thing and then not apologize and ask for forgiveness, and the relatives who exclude a family because a mother did what she had to do to protect her child.
NTA. You get the Mama Bear award!
Your mom has already caused issues by saying that about your older daughter. NTA for kicking her out and she owes you and your daughter an apology.
You awknowleding her birthday depends on if you want to sweep this under the rug and get back in contact or continue standing your ground so to speak. Doesn’t seem like your mom will extend the olive branch first though.
NTA
Her being “old school” doesn’t mean that you have to smooth things over. If that was true, disagreements would never be settled unless the person who was wronged apologizes to the person who was actually wrong. She has options. She chooses to be petty and childish. I am guessing she doesn’t want to face the grandchild she insulted, doesn’t want to address her actions with you, and doesn’t want to apologize because she doesn’t think she is wrong. Discuss that with your sister who is happy to play messenger.
> My mother pointed in my face and said I already have one child who is thick as pig s\*\*t
What kind of grandparent would say that about any of their grandchildren.
NTA
Why are you seeing the events she’s posting with your siblings? Why put yourself through that? She’s deliberately trying to upset you, and it seems to be working. You did the right thing standing up for your child and removing your mother from a toxic situation before she could make bad manners worse. Yout mother is not willing to accept accountability for her own actions, so therefore, she does not deserve to have any involvement with you or your family until she apologizes sincerely. You are not obligated to give her birthday wishes, especially under the circumstances. For your own sake, as well as your children You should just block her and any of your siblings who seem to be taking her side. What matters most is your children. They need to be protected from their toxic grandmother and you did good. Keep up the good work and eliminate your toxic mother from your life.