AITA because my FIL and MIL are telling me and my wife how to parent. What happened was my FIL decided that he was going to stop taking his medication for his anger. He decided this after drinking for 3 days straight; in which he forgot to take his meds. The medication is Lexapro 20mg. He has been going off the walls at me recently but that’s a different story. My FIL and MIL absolutely adore my wife’s child, to which I am the step Dad of. We let them have " Fun Friday " with her on Fridays where they play board games and just do fun stuff with her. This Friday however went quite differently. My FIL picked her up from school and asked her where she wanted to eat. She wasn’t hungry and FIL just absolutely went bilistic yelling at her. We live close by and me and my wife get out recognizing something is up and our daughter is crying her eyes out. Real tears, very upset. My MIL thought that it would be a great idea to take the lead and threaten her with spankings for being disobedience for not stopping her " whining " when an adult tells her to. The issue is, she wasn’t whining, she was seriously upset and bawling her eyes out. That’s when I stepped in and told her that her feelings are valid. That if my grandparent went bilistic on me for not wanting to eat, screaming and yelling at me and calling me names, I would cry at her age too. She’s 7, so she does do the fake crying and acting out for attention a good bit, but this was not that. As I was managing to calm her down, MIL was still threatening her with some pretty extreme discipline. Which was making my step daughters tears worse, and much more upset. This is when my wife stepped in and said " Mom let op handle this " to which my MIL stormed off, in an aggressive tone saying " plaecating this kind of behavior leads to adults that act like children ". This deeply upset me, because as I said, she was not throwing a tantrum, she was basically verbally abused over not being hungry, and then getting punished for having emotions. We as parents to her do NOT allow for behavior that’s bad, like telling us we should get her a toy, ect. She is punished by having privileges taken away. Now onto why I ask AMTA. Today, my MIL came to our child’s room, and slipped a note in without contacting me or my wife. The note reads exactly like this except I’ll omit my daughters name and replace it with H " Gma L ❤️ ves H !!! Gma was firm + loud. Gma told the truth. H was fussing and grumping. H should have stopped when told to stop. Mommy said if you didn’t stop you couldn’t stay the night with Gpat+Gma. She was right ! Gma ❤️’s mommy and SIL. H needs to tell the truth instead of whine! ❤️ " AITA for telling my step daughter that she didn’t lie, that Mommy did not ever say she couldn’t spend the night ( H asked to not be with them that night herself ) and that this " apology " is horrible and basically gaslighting her ?
NTA
Grandma is a manipulative psycho, and grandpa is an alcoholic.
Losing your temper in the moment and yelling too much can happen. I’ve done it myself, but the normal response is to apologize to the child afterwards and explain that I just lost my temper, and it wasn’t their fault. Her response is insane and shows zero remorse or empathy.
I personally wouldn’t let them see her unsupervised and would probably think long and hard about them seeing her at all.
Those are deeply worrying people. I’d stay very far away.
NTA I wouldn’t let either MIL or FIL near the kid again. One is at best an alcoholic with anger issues, the other is gaslighting a 7 year old.
NTA – These people should be kept far away from children.
NTA but I think it’s really unwise that you and your wife are letting them around her alone.
You need to keep these two away from your daughter! This is verbal and emotional abuse and it appears had you not been there that it might have turned into physical abuse. If reported, your child could be removed from your care because you failed to protect her. Protect your child, your wife, and yourself by only allowing these people to be around your child when they are sober, taking their medication… and only with one of you present.
NTA, and they would not be around my child any longer if they acted that way. You are the parent, not them. Go NC with them and protect that little girl. She doesn’t need that BS from her grandparents.
The GF going crazy because your daughter wasn’t hungry. Holly smokes!! That’s like off the rails. And the GM defending him and making it seems like your child was at fault.
NTA and it’s very concerning that you have to ask. This child shouldn’t have any contact with them until they show that they are changing their ways, and then it should be ONLY supervised. No sleepovers. And she should be reassured as often as necessary that this has NOTHING to do with HER behavior, and everything to do with her grandparents’ bad behavior.
NTA, but how did this get so far?
Wow… if my parents of my in-laws ever did that to my kids they’d spend a long ass time without seeing them (if ever again) and only under supervision. This is absolutely unacceptable behavior and goes against the well being of your child.
You and your wife need to sit and have a talk about how to protect your child in situations like that. You need to be way more assertive in the future and get in peoples faces if it happens. Your child has to know you have her back!
No way in hell someone is threatening to beat my kid, specially in front of me and getting away with it. I’d be furious and let them have it.
You have an obligation to your kid. You are not responsible for the feelings of the adults around her. Set firm boundaries regarding how she is to be treated and maintain them. This gaslighting, threatening and shouting are extremely detrimental to a child.
NTA. That note is unhinged.
NTA.
Unfortunately, grandparents aren’t safe enough for unsupervised time with your daughter.
Those people would never have contact with my child again. That’s straight up abuse.
No more ‘fun Friday’s’. Supervised visits only.
Bro. If you don’t keep that child away from those freaking aholes, YTA.
Protect this poor child.