I (19m) am mixed (My dad’s Haitian and my mom is Sri Lankan), but I have always been told I look "ethnically/racially ambiguous"
Whenever someone asks me the “where are you from” I like messing with them a little because I think it’s a little funny especially when people look all confused because they expected something different and don’t know what to say, and I think people need to just start asking what people are ethnically/where their parents r from instead, when that’s what they really mean, and IM not even from those places.
I was out with some friends and there were a few people there I don’t know, and this one girl I didn’t know there asked me where I was from. I, like always messed with her a little and said “Oh I was born out in Dallas but I moved here when I was real young, like still a baby”
She then hesitantly asked the “no but like where are you from from”. I said “ohh, I’m from the bay, but I came down here for college”.
You could see her pause and I laughed and told her and she just said oh okay. And then we didn’t rlly speak the rest of the time and she kept her distance from me
After, my friend (19f) told me that the person I was messing w was autistic and has social anxiety and I made her really uncomfortable with what I said. I said why I was just messing with her. She then responded that she got scared I thought she was racist or something and that she just didn’t like it.
I didn’t know she had those issues and I didn’t see anything wrong with it at first but now I’m reconsidering and feel bad for making her uncomfortable
NTA.
>she got scared I thought she was racist
If it can occur to her that she could be racist for asking then she shouldn’t be asking.
She thought she was being racist and SHE didn’t like it? The question itself is so racist. NTA.
NTA and in situations where you would definitely not discuss the whereabouts of ancestors of white people, it’s quite rude if they try to force you to explain your ethnicity.
NTA. “Where are you *really* from” is a racist or at least xenophobic question. People need to stop quizzing everyone on their bloodlines. You weren’t messing with her because she is autistic, you were messing with her because she asked an invasive question.
Exactly.
I love [this old sketch](https://youtu.be/DWynJkN5HbQ?si=MuKSl01_UZchU4MP) cause it explains it perfectly.
I am autistic. Asking anyone where they are really from based on their appearance alone, is super ignorant and racist, especially in the US.
NTA. You had no way of knowing she was autistic and that question is annoying as hell when people won’t just ask what they actually mean. She got uncomfortable but that’s not really on you since you were just doing what you always do. Your friend filling you in after the fact doesn’t retroactively make you an asshole.
NTA. You’re not responsible for the feelings of people asking intrusive questions, autistic or not.
Just bcz one has autism does not mean she can’t be racist. It was a racist question. It also occurred to her that the question could come off as racist. So she has some understanding. This may be surprising but she’s racist. This would not be a question that would have occurred to her to asks a white person.
Now if she was going around to every person, including white people, asking them this, then I would have a different answer. However, this was not what happened. You’re NTA
NTA. And asking someone where they’re “from from” IS kinda racist
She was being racist – “where are you really from?” – come on man, she used being autistic as an excuse
Except she was being racist. That question was textbook racist micro aggression. She’s way too old not to know that you do not ask that, and if spheres parents didn’t teach her that then someone else will have to show her that that question is not something you ask a stranger.
NTA.
“But where are you really from” is never a good/polite thing to say, no matter what you’ve got going on. NTA.
NTA. Autistic people, like the rest of us, should learn that “where are you *from* from” is a racist question.
“Where are you from” means where are you from. “Where are you *from* from means please explain why you are not white.
I think your phrasing in your post is poor here, you aren’t messing with people, or making a joke, you’re answering their actual question truthfully, you are from the places you’ve actually lived, your ethnic heritage is entirely different. When people insist on knowing where you’re really from it implies you don’t belong where you are living just because of your ethnic background, and that’s racist. They might not mean it to be, but it is.
You aren’t messing with anyone by answering their question in a truthful way and if they feel upset at the implications, that’s 100% on them. You don’t owe people comfort, especially when they are trying to make you uncomfortable.
I cannot believe anyone is telling you that you were wrong here. NTA.