I am the family Organiser, the one everyone goes to for holidays, advice, support or just wants to rant to. I love and hate it equally.
I host all major holidays as my home is large and neutral to family drama (I refuse to get involved). Every Christmas we host upwards of 15 people and it is exhausting.
We are hosting this year again and I feel excitement and dread in equal measures.
Talking to a friend she was dating they don’t do a ‘Christmas meal’ just a normal lunch and spend the day enjoying their family time. It sounded so lovely I felt like crying.
So next year I have decided I won’t be hosting, we will either stay home and order takeaway or will plan a long trip over the holiday. My husband was shocked but agreed he would love a quiet Christmas.
I spoke to my parents & in laws about this in passing in our daily catch ups and the reaction was incredible. I felt like the grinch and the whole family is acting like I have cancelled Christmas for everyone. I’ve been told I’m being selfish, that I am “excluding us from our grandchildren” and ruining this years holiday too.
I have siblings who can host and everyone is able bodied and can cook for themselves.
So am I the AH? Or is it time to drop the rope?
NTA. You haven’t cancelled Christmas, you’ve chosen to celebrate in a different way. They’re not happy as now they have to go through the time and expense of feeding and entertainment themselves.
NTA
Other people can host Christmas too. You’re not the court appointed Christmas host.
NTA of course. Hosting should be on rotation if anything, And they should (absolutely have to) let you bow out gracefully.
Let them whine, just tell them that that is exactly why you don’t want to host, and they (with the guild tripping and complaining) just helped you confirm the decision. You do you next holiday. Peacefully
Turn it back on them. Wow so instead of being grateful for all the years I’ve hosted and cooked for you, spending time and money. You now feel so entitled to my labor, that you call me selfish when I make alternate plans?
Your attitude has only convinced me this is the right thing even further. You’re all able bodied adults who can cook so I’ve cancelled nothing, you’re just worried you’ll have to put some effort in.
NTA
NTA
So basically you’ve given them all a year to organise themselves for one holiday, and they’re claiming you’re cancelling the holiday?
I can see why you’re exhausted hosting them, from that response I bet they do the bare minimum to prep, serve and clean up the meal, let alone everything else that goes into hosting.
If you choose to take a holiday, think carefully and set boundaries early. I can just imagine them all jumping on the bandwagon, and you end up “hosting” Christmas on holiday!!
So how many holidays have you hosted over the years?
How much help do you ever get?
How many has everyone else hosted.
You are not the AH here they are. Personally I’d be starting that small Xmas this year if they are getting annoyed already.
NTA – if they want a big family Christmas they can do the work themselves
NTA, this is bullshit from your family tbh, stand your ground.
You’re not “cancelling Christmas” – you’re still hosting this year’s event, you’ve just given advance notice that you won’t be doing it next year. Grandparents and other relatives need to grow up and recognise that seeing their grandchildren/niblings on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day is not the end of the world – I remember as kids we LOVED this – it was like having two (sometimes even three!) Christmas Days with presents from the people we were visiting on ‘other’ days given on those days.
Any more pushback: do NOT apologise. Your response is “I’ve hosted Christmas X years in a row and have loved doing it, it’s time for me to have a rest from that next year: I hope to see everyone over the holiday season, I’m not going to be cooking for X people in 2026, happy to give any tips on catering for large numbers to any of you who want to host instead.” (or similar).
NTA. Woman, don’t give your time away to these time-leeches
Sod them and cancel this year as well. They seem like an entitled group of unappreciative arseholes!!!
girl you’re not the Grinch, you’re just tired 😭 like imagine doing project-management mode EVERY december… that’s not “tradition,” that’s unpaid labor.
book that trip. pre-order that takeout. let the cousins fight over who’s house is “big enough” lmao. they’ll survive.
NTA. Repeat to them that you haven’t cancelled anything, you’re just not taking on all the work. The grandparents are not being kept from their grandchildren because they can see them any other day of the year. Plenty of families don’t live close together and alternate the sides of the family they see over the holidays so this really isn’t a big deal. I recommend a trip if you don’t want them tot try to push it back on you.
NTA. Maybe try a potluck. We all bring something to our families.