I’ll try to keep this short but I (21F) have been friends with Serena (21F) (fake name) for 5 years. It’s hard to sum up so much of whats happened.
We met when we were 16 and were inseparable since.
Serena was an artist. She used to sketch with charcoal, she was bright, read books.
I transferred to her university from mine a year and a half ago, she was happy. That’s when I met her boyfriend who I’m going to refer as loser. Yes, he sucks that much I wouldn’t give him a name.
I immediately disliked loser and his friend group, they were the typical group in the university that don’t study, don’t attend classes etc
They would also make me and other women in the university feel uncomfortable by making inappropriate jokes and stare, point etc.
I couldn’t believe Serena was dating someone like loser. I might sound mean here, but I thought she had standards. I tried to get along because I was new in the university plus this was my best friend but I felt like I didn’t know her anymore.
I found out later that Serena stopped doing art, whenever I would ask she said that she’s shit and she doesn’t care anymore. She stopped reading and worst of all, I found she was flunking classes cuz she wouldn’t attend any. She didn’t study.
Where was she? With her boyfriend. She stopped all her hobbies, interests literally even her taste of music was what he liked.
I tried to talk to her, make her understand that she was throwing her life away. She had no friends in the entire world, not in uni or outside because she dedicated herself to loser.
She said I don’t wanna work or study, my boyfriend will support me after I marry him. At this point, I didn’t recognize her anymore, who she was and how someone could change so much.
The last straw was when loser disrespected me and I told her that her boyfriend doesn’t respect women, she said, he doesn’t need to respect women, he just has to respect me.
After that day, I told her I didn’t want to be associated with her anymore.
She would come crying to my friends who she didn’t want to talk to at first because they looked like bitches saying that the girls in her class were bullying her which now I don’t believe.
Simply because she’s not a reliable narrator. I don’t trust her judgement.
Onto my last straw, she texted me randomly during the summer asking for a favor. She asked me to log into a Snapchat account and send a snap of something from uni to a specific account. I said no, sounds shady.
She acted strangely like she was trying to intimidate me then said, you’re such a pussy. I said I literally don’t want to be associated with you or anything you do and blocked her.
I found out later on that she was dropped from university due to her academic record and I feel so relieved. I feel like an asshole because I never wanted her to deprived of her education but I’m glad I don’t have to see her. I actually don’t ever want to see her again but this used to be my best friend. I’m torn.
NTAH, you clearly put value into your friendship with her, she did not reciprocate and instead had her boyfriends concept of university hardwired into her own mind, she chose to remain on the sinking ship where as you opted to get onto a life raft.
It’s a shame your friendship ended but it’s a blessing in disguise really. You keep doing you OP you got this 👍
NTA. You’re not relieved she got kicked out, you’re relieved you don’t have to watch your friend throw her life away for some guy who doesn’t respect women and turned her into someone you don’t recognize.
NTA. She deserved that. You did what you could. It’s not your fault she ruined her own life by devoting herself to a mediocre man.
NTA. “As you sow, so shall you reap”. She made the decisions that lead to these consequences…….
NTA. You’ve done nothing wrong. It’s understandable that you don’t want to be associated with her. And you were right to say no to the odd Snapchat request.
But consider letting her know that you’d be there for her if she needs to leave the loser. Women in abusive or dominated relationships can end up staying in them because they perceive that they have no choices. You could be her off-ramp. But only if you can do that without hurting yourself.
Yep sounds like she got sucked into a bad crowd, and the behaviour of her bf….he’s manipulated her into a position of reliance where her happiness is solely sourced from him, he’s isolating her, taking her power away, her autonomy and self-respect…there’s always a next step.
I’d just say, if and when she wakes up, if and when she reaches out, I hope you’ll be open to a reconciliation.
But don’t get sucked back into any messy drama. If that happens, say “let them” to yourself, and turn back away lol, it’s just not worth the aggro.
This. But in my experience it takes a long time for them to wake up and then they’re too embarrassed to associate with anyone who knew them before or during.
You were so mature in this situation and I have to applaud you for not settling with this relationship. It’s hard to let friendships go but you’re so strong in your morals and that’s something to be really proud of. Your self respect is so nice to read about. Sorry if this reads as condescending, I just don’t know if I would’ve been as strong at 21.
You tried your best to help her see sense but it sounds like you were talking to a brick wall. I can imagine the relief of not having to awkwardly run into her and all that so I think NTA.
Sadly I’ve seen my fair share of bad friends, what particularly got me with her was her giving up any shred of her identity so easily. I couldn’t watch.
I totally get it, like that’s not your friend anymore, that’s someone you don’t know. It’s just so disappointing. I’ve had shit friends but I let my two best friends overstay their welcome. It was when I was in hospital and neither gave a shit so I cut it off saying I expect more from my friends and I expected more from them. Like I finally had the respect for myself to not let them treat me like that any longer.
Dude this reminds me, she ditched me at a random mall once. She didn’t want to come. Should’ve been my first sign 🙁
NTA. Sucks to watch friends vanish like that 🙁
Run for the hills on this one… and stay there. No Backtracking! Zero contact, baby.