I, (14F) posted on this subreddit a few months back about my parents forcing me to look after my disabled brother (it’s my first post on my profile if you want context). i also mentioned how i was (and still am) homeschooled. the reason i started was because of how depressed i was because of school. my dad (51M) noticed this behaviour, and began homeschooling me. he would do work with me for around 2½ hours a day and i had another person tutoring me for 2 more hours a day. this person suddenly stopped teaching me.
after this, my dad would be the only one teaching me. then, we went on holiday, and when we got back, he suddenly stopped teaching me. he made excuses for things he had to do instead. and then we had summer, and then after that there were 2 weeks where i wasn’t taught, and then we went on holiday again. we came back 5 weeks ago, and he hasn’t taught me once. he’s made excuses and said he has to do this and that and i haven’t protested because who wants to do schoolwork, right?
timeskip to last night, me and my family were watching a movie and my parents had an argument over something and my mum raised her voice (she has a history of having very severe anger issues, which she’s getting help for. my dad also has anger problems but refuses to acknowledge them and thinks my mum’s behaviour is the only problem.) my parents argued again this morning over something else and my mum said to my dad that she wants a divorce (this is the 6th time they’ve said they’re getting divorced). they were talking in the kitchen and i tried to come in my but dad wouldn’t let me.
my dad caught me listening outside the door and my parents were still arguing until he suddenly turned to me and said that the reason me and mum haven’t been allowed to go out on saturdays anymore (saturdays are the only time im allowed to leave the house except 2 clubs i do. i am not allowed to leave the house by myself.) is because looking after my disabled brother all day is too stressful for him, so we can go out once every 2 weeks instead. i protested and said that i should be allowed go out on my own then.
he then said that i should go back to (a different) school then (which i am absolutely terrified of. i have so much trauma from my old school.), because he’s not teaching me anyway and i "sit up in my room until 1pm every day".
i replied with asking what i’m supposed to do instead, and he said that i should ‘educate myself’. i was shocked, because in my opinion, my education is his responsibility, not mine as a teen. and, i don’t even know where to start.
i think that i could have autism and adhd and i need alot of help with learning, which i’ve never been able to have. i really don’t want to go back to school, and i also know i would not be able to keep up with the work im supposed to be doing now. i also know i wouldn’t be able to complete homework tasks since whenever there’s a task i need to do, (such as homework) i physically cannot force myself to do it. AITA?
Uhh go to CPS.
You’re not going to school and not being taught at home school correctly.
Your parents are putting too much pressure on a child.
Cps is a broken system, the only one we got unfortunately but broken af
NTA. Your home situation sounds terrible, but you really should look into schooling if your parents don’t. Perhaps online school is an option? It also sounds like you would benefit a lot from talking to a psychologist. They can help with a possible diagnosis for autism or ADHD and anything else you might want to talk about. Do you have any adults around you that you can trust to advocate for you?
This is above reddit’s pay grade. Home schooling is hard and is actually harder to do if you have adhd/autism. Even harder still if you don’t have a parent to act as a teacher. I think you should go to the different school. I know your last one was traumatizing, but being at home all day is definitely worse. You are not getting the help you need at home, and honestly? Part of learning involves putting in the work and school gives structure that can help you be in “learning mode” while there. In reality you’re being failed by both your parents right now.
NTA. I am in the education field, you can’t be expected to educate yourself at 14. I would reach out to your local school district for alternative schooling options. Traditional school isn’t working, homeschooling isn’t working either. There are more options.
Do you have another trusted adult you can reach out to? A relative, a friend’s parent? A neighbor? They may be able to get you the proper education you deserve.
I also have a sibling with a disability. Your parents are not handling it well. I hate to say it, but I think your parents will not change their behavior regarding your sibling and their anger towards each other unless they have a big wake up call. If all else fails, CPS might need to intervene.
I highly recommend you look into alternative school programs in your district or email the counselor or social worker of the new school. Its not healthy for you to spend all day at home, not interacting with others and your education is now being affected.
Nta, give the new school a try and sit with the counselor when you go in to sign up. Explain your earlier difficulties and where you are with your studies. The people at the school went into education to help you. Try to see the new school as an opportunity to reset your future on a path you want.
I wouldn’t call you an asshole at all, this sounds very difficult! But I do recommend maybe calling your school district to see if they have any alternative schools to check out. For example, my state (VA) has Virginia Virtual Academy, which is a public school alternative for homeschoolers that meets the criteria for traditional learning. We also have Virtual Virginia, which offers advanced learning opportunities (AP, dual enrollment, whatever).
Being a minor makes this way more difficult, but if you email the principal, counselor, or social worker at your local school (or someone at the district level), I can’t imagine they wouldn’t be able to help you out.
I also worry about potential truancy issues; idk how that would play into all of this. But I can’t imagine it’d be an issue if you’re doing your best… at the very least, keep that in mind as you start reaching out to educators and admins!
As a mom myself, gods, I couldn’t imagine putting my child in this kind of situation, especially a neurodivergent child. It’s too much for you. I don’t want to be the creeper who might look like I’m soliciting a minor to reach out, but my DMs are open if you feel comfortable doing so. Idk how much help I can be, but I’m happy to try.
And good on you for even advocating for yourself like this! That alone will serve you well into the future. ♥️
This is actually child abuse. It’s illegal for your parents to allow you not to go to school and not to provide home schooling either. Do you have some extended family you can talk to about this? Smart caring people? Grandparents, aunts or uncles or cousins, etc?
NTA
I don’t know which country you are living in. Because you write “mum” I am assuming it might be the UK. In which case I think it might be helpful for you to contact [Childline](https://www.childline.org.uk/) as there seems to be a fair amount of neglect of you going on. Otherwise, you mention you go to a couple of clubs: is there anyway you could discuss this with a trusted adult there?
Your parents have a responsibility to educate you or to make provision for this. Expecting you to self-educate without guidance is AH behaviour on their part especially if they won’t let you leave the house.
Call CPS. Or find some adults you trust, and ask them for help. NTA
NTA
However. You’ve been dealt a really bad hand in life.
I would consider going to CPS for help. Your parents are being shitty parents. HOWEVER, some places have good CPS, some have decent, and some are basically child labour and/or s*x trafficking rings. So look for news articles and various Facebook/reddit posts about the CPS where you are. Do children disappear from foster care in your area? How are they treated? What do the adults who were in it say? Sometimes it’s better and safer to avoid CPS and foster care, sometimes it’s not.
Do NOT tell people where you are or comment on those posts. Note that admins of facebook groups can see who an anonymous poster is, it’s not completely anonymous.
You’re 14. And your parents are being very unhelpful. So, you need to decide what you want out of life. And figure out how you’re going to get it. Cause your parents aren’t going to be much help. It’s not in any way fair, but you’re going to have to be the master of your own life, steer your own ship.
Try and get into a doctor or licensed therapist (not your local pastor) and ask to get evaluated for adhd and autism. Tell them you think you need some medication to help manage symptoms. A psychiatrist or paediatrician would likely be the one to prescribe said medication. So you might be referred to another doctor. The medication will help with the ability to make yourself do things. (That’s called your executive function ability)
Then, you need to figure out education. Education is going to be your escape from your parents, okay? Otherwise you’re going to end up essentially their slave, taking care of your brother for the rest of your life. You need a way to get out once you turn 18.
What do you want to do for a career? Is there anything specific you want to do?
A lot of neurodivergent people enjoy coding. I would look into learning Swift for coding iPhone/ipad/macos apps. If you have an iPad, you CAN code on Swift Playgrounds, it’s easier on a Mac tho. You can’t do Swift on a Windows computer.
Kotlin for coding android apps, and can be done on a Windows, Linux, or Mac computer. Python is very versatile. A lot can be done by working from home too. And you can learn a ton as a teen and become very good at it even before you’re an adult.
Once you decide what you want to do, even if it’s not specific, then it’s time to work backwards and figure out how to get there. What high school courses do you need to take to get into that field? That bachelors 1st year program?
Look and see if there’s any alternative schools in your area, some are better for people who are neurodivergent. Look and see if there’s any online schools. There’s also stores, online and physical, that sell workbooks/curriculums. Some sell all-in-one curriculums, which means a whole grade with all the subjects – go for secular ones, not Christian or neutral. Some sell courses for individual subjects. There’s a lot of great podcasts too. For history, there’s “who did what now” and “this day in history”. For Christian history, there’s the “Misquoting Jesus” and “Data over Dogma” podcasts, as well as the Yale open course on the Hebrew Bible (old testament) and New Testament. Both free, on YouTube and Yale’s website. Sexpositivefamilies and Consentparenting websites have a lot of resources about healthy relationships, both of the friend type and boyfriend type, and family type. “Not Just Bikes” on YouTube is fascinating about infrastructure/history/planning/societal norms. “Sci Show” and Hank Green/John Green/Vlog brothers have great YouTube channels about many things.
Logic of English is a fantastic English curriculum, not sure how high of grades it goes to. There’s also UFLI which is excellent, and I think it’s free. Not sure if it goes to your grade level though. Singapore math is a great math curriculum, as is math u see.
It is absolutely your parents responsibility to actually homeschool you. But they’re not. So you’re going to have to decide if you’re just going to do nothing for 4 years, and reach 18 quite uneducated. Or, take control of your life and your destiny and educate yourself.
Do not tell anyone online your name or location, including your country or state/province. Even in dms. Don’t dm with people on Reddit for more than a day – that’s how grooming can start, and be wary of dms in general. Don’t talk to anyone that seems creepy at all.
If you’re on Facebook, here’s some groups that could be helpful in figuring out curriculum
Secular Homeschool Curriculum and Resources
Secular, Eclectic, Academic (SEA) Homeschoolers
Also search on Facebook “homeschool (your city or your state/province)”. Those city/town ones often have meetups and sometimes you can get curriculum from local people.