Hi. I’m 24 (she/her) and my friend is also 24 (she/her). English isn’t my native language, I’m sorry if my wording is weird.
This happened a while back but I’m wondering if I did the right thing.
It started in June: I called her with some good news and we talked for a bit. Since we hadn’t seen each other for a few weeks (we live an hour and a half apart), we planned for me to stay at her apartment for a week. In my country, the first day of summer is “la fête de la musique,” basically music day with parties and music everywhere. Since it was coming up, we thought it would be great to go together.
I get there; the first night is great. I meet some of her new friends and we have a good time. Things shift on the 2nd day: we go hang out with her bf (they had gotten back together 5 days earlier) and she ignores everyone except him. They sit at another table and barely talk to us. The only time she talks to me is to make a mean comment about teachers “always complaining” bc I said teachers bring work home (I’m at uni to be an elementary teacher).
It annoys me, but I don’t say anything bc she’s impulsive. I get over it quickly.
Next day is la fête de la musique. It starts great; we stay at her apartment with her friend and my friend’s bf before going. Then we’re off… and I get really annoyed. She leaves me with her friend and walks ahead with her bf the whole night, at least 3 meters ahead. We can’t interact at all. At a bar she only talks to him, sitting on his lap with her back to everyone. Near midnight she almost left with him because he wanted to go home. Her friends convinced her to stay. On the way back, we took the tram because our feet hurt, but she walked with him instead, and later sat on a bench with him for 40 minutes while we were waiting in her apartment.
It honestly ruined my night. I wanted to spend time with her; it was the main reason I came since I barely knew the others. I kept telling her friends I should talk to her because it hurt me, but they told me not to because she’d get mad. So I stayed quiet. After the party, her friend told her I was annoyed. I wasn’t even in the room, I overheard. I came out and admitted it, and it led to a big argument. She said I should’ve told her earlier (which I agree with). I apologized for that, but not for how I felt. We ended things unresolved.
I still had a few days there. We didn’t talk about it the next day, which is also when she left me alone for 5h to go talk to her boyfriend. The day after, we talked again and it seemed she understood. She apologized, I apologized again for not speaking earlier, and things seemed okay.
But since then we’ve barely talked. I sent her a few things but her answers are cold. It feels like she’s still mad at me. Should I send her something?
She’s always done this, forget her friends. Even at nightclubs she’d leave me to make out with random guys. But we’ve known each other since middle school, and I’m wondering if I should’ve done things differently.
Let me guess…her father is terrible. I had a couple of friends like this, daddy issues.
NTA – You were very gracious and gave her her space. You consulted with her friends and took their advice to not confront her and instead one of them told her. That was an asshole move on the friend’s part. However your friend also reacted poorly and it seems like she gets in a relationship and ignores everyone for it which is very unhealthy.
Honestly she does not sound like someone who is worth keeping a friendship with.
sounds like you just shouldn’t be friends with this person or at the very least shouldn’t be going out on multiple-day long trips to visit her. she was clearly prioritizing her boyfriend over you despite you being her guest. you definitely should’ve confronted her earlier, though. if you feel like you’re being mistreated you should speak up about it. if she blows up at you after doing that it says more about her.
NTA- had a long time friends like this. To the not I used to say “x isn’t my friend if she’s got a bf” to explain our friendship to people. It meant I became her go to friend when things went south and she needed a shoulder to cry on. It got to a point where I felt really used and eventually we weren’t friends at all.
Her only friends now are girls exactly like her. People who prioritise thier relationships to the detriment of everything else.
It’s no your fault. She just isn’t a very good friend
NTA, it is understandable you were annoyed. I think you are being too harsh on yourself for not bringing it up sooner. You spoke about it with her eventually and offered mutual apologies
>She apologized, I apologized again for not speaking earlier, and things seemed okay.
You can try talking to her about it once again, but if she’s still distant or upset afterwards, it is out of your control. I don’t think you did anything wrong.