Once a year my grandparents invite the whole family to their home. We all go because we love them and it’s the only thing they ever ask us to do.
I didn’t go for years after I turned 18 because I wasn’t in contact with the rest of the family but now they asked me to join them again.
It’s my husband’s and kids first time coming here. My husband wasn’t happy when he saw that we have to share a room with our kids and asked me if we can stay in a hotel. I agreed to do this because their comfort is my priority. Now everyone is acting like I committed a crime and calling me "princess" saying I couldn’t handle living with the rest of "poor people" for a few days.
I didn’t tell them my husband asked me to do this because I don’t want them bothering him.
NTA. But I am also confused, do you book a separate room for your kids when staying at a hotel?
Maybe they only do hotels with suites that have bedrooms? Not out of the realm of possibilities judging by the “poor people” comment
let them be mad! you’re making the time and effort to be around and spend the time. where everyone lays their head at night is less than critical to a great family trip.
you’re the one paying… and you’ll appreciate being well rested
Honestly yeah your fam is doing the most. You’re not a princess for wanting your husband and kids to sleep comfortably. Y’all aren’t 16 at a sleepover anymore. A hotel is normal. They’ll live.
NTA. Kids change a dynamic. It’s very likely that what worked before k8ds were in the picture won’t work after kids are a part of it.
Trying to be mindful of how kids both affect the physical space and general volume, especially during early/late hours, is draining. Moving your family to a hotel and “just” spending the “good” hours with your family could be considered a gift to them. Especially if they don’t have kids themselves.
As a parent you gotta do what you gotta do to raise the kids you want to raise.
NTA. Dude, that’s ridiculous. You’re just trying to make sure your husband and kids are comfortable, there’s nothing wrong with getting a hotel room. Your family is being super immature for calling you names instead of just talking to you like an adult. It’s not like you insulted them, you just made a different choice for your immediate family’s comfort. They’re the ones creating drama over nothing.
NTA, but I would tell my family “Since this is the first time for my family to meet everyone I want to have our own place. We appreciate the invitation to come this year!” And move on. Half of them probably wish they had thought of it.
All of my kids will be here for the holidays but we are getting crowded. When my grandchildren get married and have their own kids I think I would totally understand, and maybe even be a little relieved.
NTA
It’s mentally healthier to stay in a hotel. It means you and your husband and kids will have time away. You won’t feel stuck. You will feel better and have a better time.
So how to handle the comments and negativity from the rest? Remind yourself it’s only for the weekend. Think of how nice it will be I. The hotel. And if you have it in you make jokes. They call you princess respond with agreement. “At least I left my crown at home.”
“My delicate constitution is not accustomed to waiting my turn to poop”
When you leave for the hotel explain how the servants are turning the beds down.
Bring mints and give them out for people to put on their own pillows.
Don’t be defensive. You aren’t doing anything wrong. You can choose to give an explanation or not. But again do not be defensive, do not take their bait. It sounds like that whatever you tell them they are going to challenge anyway.
No wonder you haven’t seen them in years, they seem controlling and judgmental. Of course you should stay at a hotel if you’re comfortable doing so and it’s just rude of them to try to make you feel bad about it.
And now we see why OP hasn’t gone in several years.
NTA. Let them know that you’re the Queen not the princess and you and your family dont have to be there. If they dont like it, then dont go to future events. I would never be obligated to family who expected me to visit and control my comfort level.
NTA Do they want you there or not? Cos they are making a great argument for “not” with this kind of behaviour.
NTA
I have IBS and will never stay anywhere if I have to share a bathroom with other people.
History is repeating itself.