I know I might get heat for this but AITA: I am 33 (f) and I have a 18 y/o brother who thinks he’s an adult until he has to do adult things. He’s know for 2 weeks he needed to figure out why his car was losing coolant. He refused to listen to our parents and take it easy on the car until he took it to the shop. Today he shows up at my house and ask if he can borrow my extra vehicle. I asked him why. He said his car is overheating. I asked him why hadn’t he taken care of it. He blamed our sister 30 yo, it’s her car, she was supposed to take it to get fixed. I asked him does he make the payments he said yes I said then it’s your car your responsibility. He said nope it’s her crap car. She needs to fix it. I asked him how long has it been like this he said a couple days. I called him out and told him I knew it’s been at least over a week. He still blamed our sister.
I asked him if why not have dad look at it and that turned into an argument. Next I said ok why not have dad walk you through how to fix the car. He the said nope. Wont happen. Him and our dad always gets into arguments because we’ll he’s 18 and thinks he knows better then everyone.
I told him he needs to figure it out and call the auto shop and talk to them. He said no why would I do that when I can work smarter not harder and call our sister. She’s the easy button.
So he then calls our sister and she goes into mom mode with him. Then tells him to ask me if i will let him borrow my extra car. I tell them both know. He needs to grow up and start acting like an adult. She basically came to the rescue and is now gonna get it fix for him and he’s going to borrow our mom’s car to get to work.
Basically he instead of figuring it out on his own and relied on our sister once again.
NTA because at 18 he should not be blaming all of his problems on other people. Unfortunately it seems like he won’t grow up until one of these problems can’t be easily fixed. You did all you could and he just refused to learn, so you’re in the clear here.
NTA. If he wants a car to drive he needs to take care of it. Also, you can literally buy a huge thing of coolant for like $20 to top off whenever you need to drive. By chance I’m having a coolant leak right now but can’t get to my mechanic until Tuesday. I have a big bottle of coolant and just check the level before driving and top off as necessary. Unless it’s a major leak or shouldn’t be that big of an issue. If it’s a major leak or should be very obvious what the issue is and he can probably order the part and watch a YouTube video on how to replace it.
If he’s unwilling that’s on him. Being an adult means dealing with these kinds of things. Stand firm and tell him if driving himself is that important he’ll deal with the car. If he won’t deal with the car then it’s clearly not that important. And also tell him you don’t want to talk about either car anymore so if he doesn’t have something else to say don’t bother calling/texting.
NTA
If sis and mom want to enable his behavior that is their problem, not yours
He’s never going to learn everything if they keep babying him, but again, not your problem
True! And she won’t let it become her problem, because she is not going to let him treat her car like that and beat the crap out of it and tell her to fix it.
Your family is ruining his personality
My younger sibling needed the thermostat replaced in the car my dad gave him. Sibling went out, bought the part but didn’t know how to replace on it their own. My husband offered to replace it for them since they had loaned us the car a couple of times. Sibling said no, they’d get Dad to do when they got a chance. A month later, the car overheated to the point the engine block got cracked and had be towed home. My husband and I got blamed because we had driven the car before. Nevermind that hubby offered to replace that thermostat months before and that the thermostat was still sitting in it’s box waiting to be installed. Somehow, it was my fault.
Wow families suck sometimes. I am sorry this happened. SMH. Its like they take us for grant it and then we end up somehow being the villain in their story.
NTA, and the way he’s acting you’d expect to get your spare car back trashed if at all.
NTA… Your brother is an entitled person of Ill repute that society generally dislikes in general.lifes gonna come at him hard and fast. If your sister wants to be his court jester in flaming underwear, that’s her problem , not yours. His problems are also not your problems. Keep trucking on your path, and leave the drama in your rear view mirror
NTA, he has shown he doesn’t respect sisters car that he is paying for. Why would he show any more respect for OPs car?
He is actively choosing to not learn or do anything for car maintenance I would never bower a vehicle to someone like that.
NTA. They will be bailing him out forever. At least he may be getting the picture that you don’t plan on being part of that. They are not allowing him to grow up.
He is an adult, legally, so he should be trying to act like an adult.
You’re not his mommy, but for some reason you want to act like his mommy and lecture him on what you think he should be doing.
If you really don’t want him to use your car just say no, that you have seen the way he cares for cars and don’t want him around yours. And leave it at that.
**Damn OP. Your sister is setting him up for failure as an adult.**
>*He’s not learning responsibility or consequences if someone is always there to bail him out. I’m glad you stood your ground in saying no.*
*I wish the rest of your family wouldn’t enable his behavior. In the long run, it does him no good.*