So I (18F) have been dealing with a lot of situations in my family ranging from my father needing surgery to my cat slowly passing, and I haven’t spoken with many people in a couple weeks, which includes my best friend. (18F) We’ve only met in person once, have known each other for over a year and play a virtual game called VRChat to hang out. Yesterday I had gotten into the game and had requested to join the world she was in because I wanted to tell her what had been going on and figured maybe she was worried about me or was wondering what’s been going on, and got the response of “can’t invite.” I thought “okay, then I’ll invite her to the world I’m in so we can talk.” I continually invited her for a solid 5 minutes and never got any response, or even a text telling me why she wasn’t joining or inviting me somewhere else.
This happened one more time in the evening before I basically gave up. And that all leads to today. I decided to try one more time today. Surprisingly enough she invited me to an event world for a group she was in. when I joined the world it took her 5 minutes to come to the spawn point for us to talk. Keep in mind the world we were in wasn’t very private, so I asked her if we could go somewhere else and didn’t get a response. She started moving around doing a few things in real life, which left me sitting there waiting.
When she finally sat back I asked her if it was bad time and she said “I don’t even know anymore.” I said a tired “ooookay?” Waiting to get her full attention. when I looked back at the game after checking my notifications for a moment, she had walked away. It took me 10 minutes to try and find her in the massive world we were in, and when I finally did she was with another person. She started walking towards the entrance to the map and stopped right next to me. I tried to talk and she proceeded to walk away again and start admiring the person’s avatar. I stood there not knowing what to do at that point, waiting for her to acknowledge my existence.
After a few minutes I got fed up and walked over to her, asking “So are we going to finally talk or are you going to keep ignoring me.” She proceeded to say that she “didn’t think there was anything we needed to talk about.” And at that point I lost my shit. I told her that i had been trying to talk to her about important things the entire time i had been there, and she both walked away from me for 10 minutes leaving me to go look for her and blatantly ignored me for a couple minutes before i finally approached her. I said “I guess my dad needing to get surgery and my cat practically dying on my bed wasn’t important enough for you to not walk away for 10 minutes or ignore me.” I finally told her that i was going to go and that I would talk to her when she felt I was important enough to get her attention and closed the game.
I’m still fuming at this point, and keep in mind this isn’t the first time we’ve had issues between each other. So am I the asshole?
Of course you’re not but she’s playing stupid little head games. Is she really worth it?
Part of me is asking that question to myself right now too. We’ve had so many issues I just don’t know how to heal our friendship
So you ignored her for a few weeks but got angry she ignored you? I understand you’re going through a lot but it also doesn’t mean that it isn’t hurtful to those who you decided to not have contact for a few weeks. Sounds like she felt ignored by you and just gave you the same treatment. You should try and talk to her again but you also owe her an apology. Everyone has life issues and if your friend just stopped talking for a few weeks with no explanation and then all the sudden you pop up and want to talk about it isn’t fair either.
I messaged her periodically between today and this past Monday, but hadn’t updated her on what had been going on. There were multiple instances where she fully ignored me for days, and I had to talk to her boyfriend (who I’m friends with) and one of her other friends just to find out what had been going on. I tried being there through a lot of things she was dealing with but recently with things I’ve been going through she’s been distant
It sounds like you both might have some communication issues to work on. If you are truly friends, you’ll work it out. Friends fight, go through not talking periods. But you need to have a conversation with her and let her know that you’ve gone through a lot and will try and communicate to her when you need space. And request the same from her.
Info: can you not text or call her? Why are you trying to have important conversations in a video game world with other people around?
She rarely answers when I try to message her. Believe me I tried messaging her a few times last night to try and talk to her and got no response. Joining her in the game was my backup option and I tried asking to go somewhere else without people around but that was when she walked away
Happens, try to move on
She’s Just Not That Into You: Friendship Edition
For real though ESH but that’s the beauty of being 18, especially with only a year of friendship under your belt. You’re both very young, generally immature (no offense meant it’s just true for all 18year olds) and this is the best time to decide what kind of people you want in your life, what kind of energy you deserve and are willing to put up with. If you want friends that answer the phone on the first ring, whether you’re going through tragedy or just to talk, you deserve that. If you want friends that communicate “hey this isn’t a good time but I’m here for you, let’s find a time we can chat”, you deserve that.
One of my best friends I’ve never met in real life, we met through the bird app, she’s a single lady living it up in Cali and I’m a married mom of 6 kids, we don’t have a ton in common but we love each other, we support each other, and sometimes we go weeks without talking because we understand that life is crazy, but we communicate that with each other kindly and compassionately. She can send me a hundred texts a day and not expect a response right away because she knows I’m busy, but that as soon as I have the time, I will respond to every single one of them. And vice versa, I blow her phone up constantly with anything from angel numbers and memes to my sob story of the day or how I had the best coffee of my life for the 3rd time that week, but I don’t expect her to respond to every single text because she’s busy too. If either of us NEEDS each other in that exact moment, we would both do our best to drop everything for each other, or find the soonest time we can connect.
You get what you give in all relationships, and if at some point you find you’re giving more than you’re getting, it’s a great opportunity to look at yourself and then decide if that person is deserving of your energy, time, love and care.
Best of luck girly pop 🫶🏽💕
NTA, it seems like you both haven’t been very good friends lately. Might be time to just give it some space.