My daughter’s boyfriend has always seem a very cautious, hard-working person. He owns his own house, his own car, no debts when it comes to any of this whatsover. He is very minimal and likes to save, not a spender at all. He has a stable good-earning job, not the greatest salary but a good, medium salary that certainly allows him to pay the bills and to save up his own money.
I am an accountant, when I found out through conversation over lunch that he indebted himself for a business deal, I was sort of taken aback because I didn’t take him for such a reckless behaviour. I do think he was a bit reckless especially if for some reasons things take a turn for the worst in the future when it comes to real estate business. He should have at least waited a few years, to save up so he wouldn’t have to indebt himself.
Since I am an accountant I started working through the numbers in my head, thinking up worst case scenarios, best case scenarios, and he really won’t be earning that much even if things go well so why he would even want to do this is beyond me.
Of course when I talked about it with him I kept it very professional and didn’t really go into my own personal opinions on what he did.
But when I talked to my daughter, I let it out that I didn’t know what he was thinking, that he always seemed like a very cautious person and I couldn’t for the life of me understand what he was thinking when he did this, that he’s not even going to profit that much even if things go totally fine in the future and there’s no worst case scenario. I don’t know, to invest with money that he doesn’t totally have, didn’t seem like something that he would do and it totally shocked me. I told my daughter that this has been keeping me up at night and such.
My daughter was quiet all through me talking about this but then she just said that this is exactly why she was hoping this wouldn’t be brought up with me because this was his business deal and that I am a pessimist and that I am pratically calling her boyfriend "one of my idiot clients that never knows what they are doing". And that she doesn’t want to feel like that, that her father thinks her boyfriend is an idiot because she knows that her boyfriend only did this because he saw himself capable of doing it, otherwise he is not reckless to the point of risking something with a high probability of things going wrong. She said she feels super uncomfortable with this, this is why she didn’t even want to tell us what her boyfriend did.
I do understand how mixing business with personal life can be awkward and I don’t want that at all, I just wanted to provide a heads-up, to warn them of what can go wrong and what can they except even if it goes right, and it’s not really looking great. My daughter says I always do this, I hide my judgement behind a layer of real concern.
YTA. His financial decisions aren’t your concern unless he asks. Your daughter’s right you’re treating him like an incompetent client, not family.
I am a CPA and regularly run numbers of family/friends mistakes. I get it. I’ve also learned to shut up because it’s not helpful. Some lessons have to be learned.
At 32 I was a quasi-employed goof ball who had failed out of colleges. I grew up. He’s well ahead of the curve, and he’ll bounce back. Just be supportive and help with damage control.
>and he’ll bounce back. Just be supportive and help with damage control.
It doesn’t actually sound like there is any damage, just the potential for losses if things don’t go well.
Dudes saying he “indebted” himself because it sounds worse and describing a business loan.
If he didn’t ask you for your opinion, YTA.
YTA
Sorry, this is none of your business.
I understand your concern, but keep your opinions to yourself unless asked.
YTA. Your daughter is spot on – you are masking judgement as “care and concern”. You have absolutely no business getting involved in this. It was out of line to mention anything to the boyfriend. If this is keeping you up at night, you have a legitimate problem and should speak to a therapist.
Idk why but the post read like he was looking for something to criticise the boyfriend on. It doesn’t even sound like this guy is in life changing amounts of dept, or that it’s frivolous dept like huge credit card dept on luxuries
Did I read it right – this guy owns everything outright and has taken on debt for (1) business deal? Or, is my understanding of the basics wrong. Sounds like the dude is a solid bet as a good partner and is taking on 1 risk? How is that so problematic?
YTA – no one asked you.
Your opinion and professional insight is not the end-all to be all. This is a grown man making choices that you may not understand, but it’s not for you to understand. Is he asking you for cash infusions? Is he borrowing money from your daughter?
If not, I think it might be time for you to consider minding your own business.
YTA
I can see why your daugther didnt want the topic to be brought up and your daughter is right. You judge hard while conceiling it as “concern”.
You wrote twice that you are an accountant. Do you think people reading this will have forgotten this after the first paragraph?
The poor guy made a decision for himself that doesn’t concern you one bit. Mind your own business and learn to treat people better. I have a feeling that your daughter stays in touch out of obligation.
YTA. Neither of them asked for your advice. You think you’re just being logical and reasonable, but you’re just conveying a lack of trust in him. It’s completely unhelpful, especially because it’s already done.
If I listened to accountants, I wouldn’t have the money to pay for them. I‘ve never met an accountant good at business.
YTA. And if this is “keeping you up at night”, you need to talk to a professional about keeping your misplaced anxiety in check.
YTA your opinion was not asked for. Other people’s money amd how they chose to invest it is none of your business.
>I told my daughter that this has been keeping me up at night
Dramatic much?