My Dad and stepmom just bought a new house. It’s in rough shape, they pretty much bought it on a whim from a friends parent because it has a nice pool. The inside isn’t great. The man that lived there for like 40 years smoked inside and had various animals. The home was not cleaned when he moved out or before they moved in. I was suggesting they get rid of the old nasty blinds that are almost brown. I also suggested to not use grey for every paint color in the house (before they sold their old house, they painted the whole place grey pretty much). I also suggested proper rug sizes for rooms, things like that. They became super passive aggressive and my dad mentioned I really pushed my step moms buttons, but she never said she didn’t want my recs or anything like that. When I saw my Dad again he freaked out on me basically telling me to be quiet and that he doesn’t care if things are dirty. I’m just feeling terrible and what think I could have honest convos with my parents about a new house, AITA?
YTA. That’s not an honest conversation, it’s forcing your opinions on them when they never asked you.
YTA
Unless you plan of buying the new stuff, stop giving suggestions
This is just complaining, it’s not helpful
If you want to help, go wash the curtains and other stuff
They can paint the walls whatever they want
YTA for giving a laundry list of all the things you think they should change right after moving in. Even in your own version of events, you just kept going on and on about it. That would annoy most people.
And most of it was like “don’t do the stupid stuff you did at your last house.” What did OP expect?
I can understand you telling them to get rid of the dirty blinds. But I can see how you saying don’t use this color and making comments about the rugs would push her buttons. Its her house and she will decorate or not as she pleases and some people just don’t want unsolicited advice or recomendations. She probably didn’t say anything bc shes your stepmom so to avoid drama she had your dad take care of it.
We used to renovate houses. Your parents are most likely totally overwhelmed and probably adding up the costs. Give them time to do what they wish to do in their own home. Your suggestions are good, but the very definition of a suggestion is it is an option.
YTA
I also suggested to not use grey for every paint color in the house (before they sold their old house, they painted the whole place grey pretty much
So you decided to insult them in a passive aggressive way and then just expected them to be fine with it and appreciate it because you are trying to disguise it as a suggestion.
It is there house, they don’t need your decorating opinions.
YTA. Even in your own description, your helpful advice comes across as insulting. Like telling them their shit’s filthy and wrong and how they did it wrong before.
Soft AH. They didn’t ask you for your decorating advice and it’s as irritating as parents always giving grown children unsolicited advice. Just bite your tongue.
If they didnt ask for your input, you overstepped
Yes YTA. Giving unsolicited advice to other adults is generally an AH move. Giving unsolicited advice that amounts to a criticism of how they live and how they decorated their last house is an especially AH move.
Pro tip: anytime you find yourself thinking or saying “I’m just being honest” you’re probably being an asshole.
YTA, they are adults who got themselves into the smoke and animal dropping mess, they can figure out how to get out of that mess.
I understand how hard it is to hold back. My in-laws made many bad decisions upon retirement that has left them basically $350k poorer and *technically* homeless (but in a safe way). Even after 5 years they wont talk to a lawyer. 2 more years and they wont be able to. If they want to avoid conflict to this extent, they can. We wont be bailing them out.
YTA. A conversation would have involved them asking you your opinion. Not only did you give unsolicited advice, you shitted on their previous decor. You need to realize that they want to decorate their house for them and not for some ideal you have concerning how a house should look.
YTA. Even though you don’t like grey walls, a lot of people do.