M (21) here
So a bit of context, I got a little nice apartment in the center of a big town about a year ago when I started my company because profit allowed so and I was going insane living with my mother, when I got the apartment I gave her the spare key to my house in case I ever lock myself out in any way or in case I’m traveling abroad and there’s stuff that needs to be done in the house (e.g. watering plants).
I moved out mainly because I was so inefficient in anything I wanted to do when living with my mother that I felt I’d make the company fail if I didn’t have my own space.
Now what happened is, lately my mother randomly shows up at my house unannounced and stays for hours with the excuse of having to clean the house (btw I’m obsessed with keeping things in order so what she cleans I don’t know, she mostly moves out perfectly organized things around in different places with different organization which confuses me every time making me spend 10 minutes to find something that I knew perfectly where it was before she moved it).
But not only that, she asks me questions, extremely simple questions like maybe she downloads an app for parking and she has to insert the license plate of her car and the app asks her "Insert the license plate of your car here:" and she comes to me asking "what do I do here?", extremely simple questions with extremely simple answers that take no more than 10 seconds of thinking to reach. I don’t mind helping others so I give the answers and it wouldn’t be really much of a problem in normal conditions, but I feel like she’s overdoing it, I’ve started keeping track of 2 things:
What came out is
Before moving out:
6 – 17 interruptions per hour
25 – 40 minute wasted per hour
After moving out (when she started appearing here):
100 – 240 interruptions per hour
43 – 54 minute wasted per hour
I really cannot work or live like this, it took me 2 hours and 55 minutes to eat lunch (two plates of food not even too full), while watching a single 20 minute episode of an anime, the rest of the time were constant questions and interruptions, and my lunch break was supposed to be 30 minutes, I own the little business I made but I’m a programmer as well so I need focus to work both on the legal documents and on the code of what we’re developing, and the team awaits instructions from me, which I’m not able to provide when she’s around.
Also it would be kinda fine if she listened to the answer after asking but, she asks, I answer, and she doesn’t respond until I give her the answer at least 5 times, then she says that I have to wait because she’s doing something else, and then she asks me the same thing again because she didn’t listen.
She’s offended that I want to give the keys to my father because he’s always working and almost never present for me and she says she’s always there for me, but like, after a certain point I feel like the presence is a bit too much…. AITA or is it a fair crashout tho?
Nice try, but as obsessive as your mother is she’ll have the keys off your Dad within the week. Change the locks. You’re a big boy now, no one needs a spare key. NTA
Second this. Nobody needs your spare keys. You’re an adult.
Yup change the locks, and make it clear via text or email so there’s written documentation that unless it’s a **dire life threatening emergency** no interruptions while working.
She’s directly affecting OP’s work and therefore livelihood.
NTA but change the locks and give the emergency key to a trusted neighbor or sane friend.
You moved out to get away from your overbearing mother and then immediately gave her a key to your new place? How smart of you.
Stop giving people keys to your apartment.
ESH, because you did it to yourself.