Not sure if this is the right place to post but recently just started this new job and I sit next to this coworker who has been really nice and helping me in the beginning. However over the past few weeks, when i ask for help, it would feel like im getting lectured or get yelled at. She would say "why would you ask me that." or "what do you think" in a passive aggressive tone. She would also pop quiz me out of nowhere in a condescending and patronizing way. Since I’m new and happy to learn, I wouldn’t mind it if it felt it came from a respectful place but instead it comes across obnoxious. But at the same time, I’m not too sure if im just a sensitive asshole about it or if its just normal in the workspace
NTA she’s being really obnoxious and condescending towards you
It depends. Are you asking her to help you with things she’s already shown you how to do? Do you check whether she’s in the middle of something before you interrupt her? How much of her time are you taking up each day? Is it her job to help you or was she being kind and going out of her way?
This
Since i just started, my goal early on was to ask a lot of questions to get a solid grasp of things, but now that I understand the job better, I’ve been asking less. I really just want to do my work well and be independent. When I do ask for help, I always make sure to check if they’re free first, no rush. Its technically not in her job description to help me, so she was going out of her own way and I was extremely appreciative of that for the first few weeks, but after, something just kinda changed.
She’s really nice and bubbly with everyone else, but with me, the vibe feels off. She’ll check in and ask if I’m okay, yet when she helps, it feels oddly hostile. I wish I could describe it better, it’s confusing, like I’m getting mixed signals. She offers to help, but when she does, her tone feels very “tiger parent” and condescending, like I’m being talked down to.
NAH. It’s perfectly ok to ask for help if you’ve already tried yourself, and it’s ok for her to ask you what you think, or try and get you to think by asking you questions.
If you’ve been there a while, she may be trying to get you to apply what you *should* already know to this new situation. The goal is to get you working independently to the point you don’t have to keep asking.
I had a colleague who asked what to do constantly, even after over 2 years, and I’d only been there 5 months longer than them. Asking “what have you already tried?” helped get them more independent.
When you ask for help, be prepared to explain what you’ve already tried for yourself, and what your line of thinking is. People will be happier to talk you through it if you’ve already made an effort.
No i definitely get what you’re trying to say. I’m coming up on 2 months but i don’t mind the method if it came from a friendly or respectful place but i do feel like it comes across patronizing and condescending.
INFO: How often are you asking your co-worker these questions? And are you blurting out questions when she’s in the middle of talking to someone else/on the phone/concentrating on a task?
I can’t call this honestly without knowing the above. I’ve seen both sides of this.
I’ve definitely had colleagues be mean to others for no reason other than they’re just not nice people, or feel like acting difficult will result in getting asked to do their job less.
But I’ve also had people ask me questions non stop and end up just relying on me to make all their decisions for them instead of learning their job role. Also just feeling entitled to my time whenever they need no matter how busy I am.
Your co-worker is A) A nasty person who likes belittling others or B) reaching a point where she’s had enough of being your all day sounding board and is endeavoring to let you know this.
I’m about two months into the role now. My goal early on was to ask a lot of questions to get a solid grasp of things, but now that I understand the job better, I’ve been asking less. I really just want to do my work well and be independent. When I do ask for help, I always make sure to check if they’re free first, no rush.
The strange part is that she’s really nice and bubbly with everyone else, but with me, the vibe feels off. She’ll check in and ask if I’m okay, yet when she helps, it feels oddly hostile. I wish I could describe it better, it’s confusing, like I’m getting mixed signals. She offers to help, but when she does, her tone feels very “tiger parent” and condescending, like I’m being talked down to.
Ok I’m veering a little more towards you’re the new person and she’s belittling you to feel better about herself then.
It’s a fairly common behaviour trope in the office environment unfortunately. Who knows why people do it… to cope with their insecurities? Doesn’t matter really.
You can either ignore it and act like she’s being nice and helpful with no subtext, match her energy, or just avoid communicating with her whenever possible. Whichever works best for you.
Yeah that what i feel at times too, belittled. A part of me can’t wait till i understand the majority of my role, so i no longer need to ask, but lately i’ve been going to other people for help instead. Its also kinda weird since she sits next to me too
Do you ask fir knowledge that you could think of or find out yourself if you tried a bit harder.
NTA being asked random questions is honestly a bit annoying.
NAH. It sounds like you’ve just run her nerves down. Asking the same person, who isn’t in charge of training you, over and over for help every day is draining. You’ve been there for 2 months, you should be mostly independent by now. Her responses sound like these are things you should know or have already asked before.