My (29F) friend Jen (30F) and I have been friends since childhood. We have always been very different in every way, our lifestyles, tastes, the way we think and deal with things, and I find it hard to relate to her. But as we shared such a close childhood and into our teens together our friendship bond remained in a way like sisters who you might not necessarily share much in common with but have a bond from growing up together.
Jen had a baby a couple of years ago and I gave her gifts and flowers. I took photos of the day I visited of ourselves with the baby and the gifts and sent them to her so she’d have the memories especially as she wasn’t able to take any photos herself. All very normal and standard things we always do with photos if one person has taken them.
This week Jen posted a photo on her Instagram and I recognised it as the flowers I gave her back then. It was definitely my flowers as they were distinctive and I don’t give big bunches like that often and none of my other friends have had babies, and it was definitely the actual photo I took as I recognised it and literally have the same photo in my camera roll. I made a comment saying “Aww memories, the flowers I got you guys when baby was born ❤️ Glad you liked them” to simply acknowledge the photo and reminisce about that moment in life.
Jen private messaged me specially to say “Is it? It’s my flowers”
I figured she doesn’t remember which is totally fine, you don’t remember everything everyone gave you and just said “Yes I remember getting them!”
Later Jen briefly called about something else and then brought up the photo and said the same thing as above and I said yes I remember as I took that photo and she said “It’s not, it’s my photo”
I explained they were photos I took and then sent her which is why she has them on her phone. The conversation got really awkward and she didn’t seem convinced or believe me at all and she seemed quiet and almost upset? And then said in an annoyed sarcastic laugh “I can’t believe you remember everything like that. Even what flowers you got me?” as if I was holding it against her or something. We had to wrap up the call but it felt so awful after.
I felt really surprised and hurt as I wasn’t *trying* to remember anything to remind her, but I can’t help that I do remember? Is it unusual to remember? And my comment was just meant to be a sweet one to acknowledge something she put up herself and reminisce as I assumed she was.
NTA Your friend is weird af. She is making an issue of something that shouldn’t be a problem.
NTA. She seems like she is being weirdly hostile about flowers tbh.
If you’ve been friends since childhood I would just ask her what’s up especially if it’s out of character.
Maybe there is more going on or she is annoyed about something else but it just seems odd.
No it’s not unusual to remember. She may not remember certain specifics about the day. She had a lot going on with a new baby. I would say No a holes. She seems to have misunderstood you and then felt weird/defensive about it. I would ignore this going forward tbh
NTA- I find this interaction very strange as well. You did nothing wrong. I’m just curious why she reacted upset that you were the one that sent her the flowers. I would had felt like you were such a good friend. I’m sorry she was so awkward and defensive about it. Again so weird.
The way you wrote it “the flowers I *got*…” reads like you received them. Not “ah, the flowers I bought for you…” She may have thought you were saying she was sharing a photo of flowers that belonged to you, not her.
And then, like too many people, when she realized she’d misunderstood, she just decided to double down instead of admitting it. NTA. I think it was a misunderstanding, and your friend made it weird.
I put my money on her being frustrated about all the things she’s forgotten about those early weeks, because motherhood LITERALLY changes your brain, and you do forget (or simply never remember) some things, especially during those days/weeks (depending on sleep).
People who have a worse memory are often weirded out by people who have a better memory. They don’t remember x, so they think you must be obsessing about x if you do remember it.
When I was going through menopause, my memory got terrible. I couldn’t remember anything and it was unnerving when people would recount in detail events that I didn’t even remember happening. It made me very freaked out and nervous, and I never knew how to respond.
They would be like “Yeah, we went there for dinner with Kaylen and Tim, wasn’t that hilarious what Tim said about his fishing trip?” and I would be trying to remember even being there. I imagine I looked stunned and unhappy.
Thankfully, that problem has cleared up a lot since then.
I don’t understand what she even means. Does she think she bought herself flowers when she had a baby?
NTA. Your comment was fine. Her reaction was weird.
At first I thought she was annoyed you said, “…the flowers I got” instead of, “the flowers I got for you and the baby.”
But then it went south quickly.
NTA
NTA. You were just reminiscing about a sweet moment you shared. There’s literally no reasonable reason for someone to take offense at that. Her reaction is really odd. Maybe she’s just thrown off by the fact that she’s forgotten that day?
That’s a weird interaction overall. Of course it’s her flowers, you bought them for her, but did she think it was from someone else??
NTA.
I have no clue why your friend is even upset. It sounds like you’re just celebrating the bond you two have. There are a ton of details I forget from decades ago, that my friends remember, or things I remember and they don’t. Sometimes when they mention one, it helps me remember.