Hello! My birthday is in a couple months and my parents have announced that they are taking me to another country for a couple days. I said that I want to go exclusively with my mother, just the two of us. In my POV this seems like a valid decision since we will be able to do a lot of things and explore the city and do some good quality shopping.
However, there is an issue. My grandmother is a super sensitive person who took my decision regarding my birthday plan to heart. She keeps trying to guilt trip me for apparently ‘hating on her and not needing her in my life anymore’. This is not at all true, and I’ve decided not to take her with us simply because I know for a fact that all she’s gonna do on this trip is follow me and my mother around. Grandmother said that she can just wander around the city by herself which is not happening under any circumstances. She does not speak English or any other language except her native one , another thing is she doesn’t have data on her phone so she wont be able to use a translator or call me or my mom in case of an emergency.
My parents bought plane tickets for me and my mom last night and my grandmother has been offended ever since. She does not want to talk to me today and it’s making me question my decision.
I do understand that from her perspective it seems like purposefully excluding her because she’s not worthy of being on my birthday. But I can assure that this is not the case.
I seriously don’t know whether my decision was right or not and would love to hear some opinions.
AITAH?
Perhaps you could do something very special just with your grandma before you go on the trip with your Mom. Emphasize that you want to celebrate your birthday with her in a special way tay is just for the two of you. This may ease her hurt feelings.
Your NTA. Her trying to guilt trip you is cherry on the cake tbh. But the fact that she doesn’t have translation things, data and would be alone. I think that would be unsafe.
NTA. Travel is something that is not an open invite. Varying levels of cultural competency, different interests, activity levels, mobility issues, temperaments, all of those are really big factors in traveling with someone. It’s okay to not want to travel with your grandmother. Let her know you just want quality time with your mother but that you’ll happily bring her something back from your destination.
NTA, and grandma’s attitude isn’t going to make anybody want to drag her along. Go enjoy your trip with mom. It isn’t about excluding anybody, it’s about spending time one-on-one with your mom and there isnt anything wrong with that.
Since your parents bought the tickets and apparently agree with your reasoning, it seems that they also believe grandma is being ridiculous. So NTA and I wouldn’t worry about it.
Some people are going to be mad and complain no matter what you do. So just do what you want and what makes you happiest. You’ll endure complaining either way.
I will never understand people who think they are entitled to other people’s stuff. Sometimes it’s just a “no”.
She’ll get over it. Have fun.
NTA. It’s your birthday and it’s your boundaries as well. She has to respect them.
NTA, your reasoning is sound imo and she shouldn’t be guilt tripping you. However a couple years ago my grandpa died with no warning (he just fell down dead in the kitchen one day) and I completely regret not doing more things with him while he was here. It’s haunted me for years. So maybe try and do something with her as well (not the trip, something small like dinner or a day trip).
Why don’t you to tell her that you planned a special day just for you and her another day? It doesn’t have to be elaborate or fancy. Your grandma just wants to spend time with you. I can think of some very unloving grandparents who don’t want nothing to do with the grandkids…show some gratitude.
This birthday trip is not about her! It’s your trip and you can go with whoever you choose. She’s behaving in a selfish way.
NTA.
Old school guilt trip. She’s not capable enough to navigate such a trip, with or without your help. She’s a liability and will do more guilt tripping once she’s in a position to realize she can’t just do what she’s claiming without assistance. She’ll get over it. Whichever parent she belongs to should set her straight. Not you.
Overall I think NTA, you’re not obligated to take grandma on this trip and the guilt trip stuff gets her an AH vote.
I have to ask though, when you say:
>I’ve decided not to take her with us simply because I know for a fact that all she’s gonna do on this trip is follow me and my mother around
What’s wrong with that?
NTA. Your grandma is immature. If you don’t know how to put your foot down with her, then moving forward tell your parents to not announce things beforehand. Tell her only the day before or after the trip has passed. She’ll sulk but at least she wont be badgering you trying to convince you to include her.