I’m 22yrs old and the oldest in my family, and honestly, I’m exhausted. My younger siblings are 17F and 15M. have always had attitudes, but this past year it feels like everything I say or do sets them off. They talk back, ignore men and mock me under their breath, then act like I’m dramatic when I get frustrated. I’m saving money to move out, so I’m stuck living around this behavior every day.
It has gotten to a point where I wake up tense in my own house.
The part that gets me the most is that no one outside the family ever sees this side of them. Especially my friend 23F. She comes over often, and the second she’s in the house, my siblings flip into these perfect little angels offering her drinks, joking around, helping clean up, acting thoughtful and mature. None of that is for me. Not even a little.
my friend genuinely thinks they’re sweet kids who get misunderstood. which honestly stings because it makes me feel like I’m the problem. She has told me more than once that I should lighten up and be nicer to them, and every time she says it, it feels like someone pressing on a bruise I’ve been trying to hide.
Last weekend, after a particularly bad morning where my brother yelled that I nag like I’m 50 and my sister told me to get out of her face for asking her to lower her music. but when my friend came over they switched into their company personalities. laughing, helping, offering her snacks.
my friend looked at me at one point and said, See? They’re not disrespectful. You’re too hard on them.
And something in me just broke. I wasn’t yelling, but I could hear my voice shaking. I told her she has no idea what they’re like when she’s not here, and that I’m tired of being treated like the family punching bag while everyone else gets the good version of them. I told her it hurts that she dismisses what I experience every day just because she doesn’t see it herself.
She looked shocked and said I overreacted and made her uncomfortable. Later she texted saying she didn’t appreciate being dumped on emotionally.
Now I feel guilty because I never wanted to unload on her I just wanted someone to understand that I’m not imagining the disrespect I deal with constantly. But now she’s distant, my siblings are pretending they’re clueless, and I’m left wondering if I was too emotional or if I finally just reached my breaking point.
NTA your friend is an asshole. It’s out of line for her to say that you’re overreacting to your siblings because she doesn’t live with them. It’s ridiculous that she said you were “emotionally dumping” on her too, because what you said isn’t even all that much??
As a fellow older sibling I understand what it feels like to be ridiculed and treated like crap. When my sister was in her late teens, that was the absolute worst for us. Your friend has zero clue what you are going through and she should’ve just kept her mouth shut. Stop inviting her over.
thanks i appreciate that
you might want to create some video of your siblings mistreating you and show them to your friend, but the legal/7privacy implications might be complex
Honestly I would have told my friend off the first time. They didn’t believe me. Not the asshole. And let your friend know that if she can’t take a 10-minute conversation about what you experience everyday then she owes you an apology. NTA
I mean, sound like siblings being siblings.
Especially when one finally becomes more mature and forgets they were young once.
Keep saving up, ignore them and dont get drawn into silly arguments.
Youre the adult now and its difficult to be one. This will be a learning curve.
Even if you out on an act around them like they do with your friend. Should annoy/freak them out enough.
NTA, girl said you were wrong she started that. Also I fear it’s common knowledge that most people are different when around people that aren’t family.
INFO: What is your actual relationship with your siblings like?
Do you spend time with them as peers (hobbies, talking, doing fun things), or is your role mostly supervising, correcting, or managing them?
From the way you describe things, it almost sounds like you’re in a caretaking or authority role rather than a sibling one.
Where are your parents in all of this?
NTA- Sounds like you need to make a new friend. If she’s a real friend, she’s not going to mind you emotionally dumping on her. That’s literally what friends do. You support each other, even if you don’t necessarily believe in what they say. I support my best friend even when I know she’s in the wrong sometimes.
Disengage with your siblings when they turn into AHs. They have made you the bad guy, or like a parental figure. Where are your parents during all this?
NTA, it’s not anyone else’s place to comment on your family dynamic if they’re not in it and weren’t asked for their opinion.
I thought it was common knowledge that families are different behind closed doors, and it’s generally inappropriate to pass judgement on those relationships – even if I *agreed* with my friend that their siblings were being assholes, I wouldn’t say so unprompted because they’re not my siblings.
NTA! You are being tormented in your own home by your siblings. Instead of your friend letting you vent, she dismissed what you are going through and is no better than your siblings. You need to get a new friend and dump this particular friend. Real friends will recognize their friends’ emotions and show empathy.
I tend to NAH.
You seem to be stuck in a caretaker/authority role for your siblings that you never chose and were never prepared for.
Of course you’re exhausted, you’re doing the work of a parent at 22.
Your siblings are just acting like teenagers.
Their behavior tracks perfectly for their age and the situation: they’re pushing for independence, and since you’re not their parent, they probably resent your authority even more.
Your friend, on the other hand, doesn’t have the tools or context to understand this dynamic.
You dropped months (maybe years) of frustration on her in one emotional wave.
It makes sense that she felt overwhelmed and uncomfortable She has no way to help you.
Honestly, the only real assholes here seem to be your parents, for leaving you to manage two teenagers on your own.
Definitely not enough info here. What exactly are you saying that they’re “talking back” too? Why do you believe you have authority over your sister’s music? Have you talked to your parents? The fact that you didn’t share their two cents makes me think they agree with your friend.
NTA. video tape your siblings and show it to her. Shes and asshole for not letting you vent and always judging them as angels and making out you are doing wrong and being too hard on them.