just for some context, I (18F) have BPD, occasionally if someone does something to trigger me i go into this split which just makes me completely hate them no matter who they are, after a few days or even hours, i generally just forget what caused it and completely go back to being normal. I have this friend (18F)who we’ll just call Amy, her and i go to the same college/university; one day i saw a girl walking by and just completely loved her style n everything so i went over to her and that friend came with me to talk to her, lets call her Beth. the three of us hit it off and we’re friends and stuff and we all would hang out in college. a few weeks passby and im texting Beth and she mentions that her and Amy went out together, and i didnt even get an invite. that moment made me split, so i hid both of them from my story because i did hate them but if i just blocked them itd make a whole big scene n everything so i just hid my stories since i knew id get over it sometime later.
After a few days, i forget about it and i bring them both back, then i find out they both went out without me AGAIN, so i do the exact same thing, except this time i forget to undo it. Later on Amy texts me to ask “why’d you hide me from your story” so i respond really confused since i had forgotten that i hid her, as im explaining, she leaves me on seen and never replies again, i call, i apologize, i explain, etc no response.
the next day, i go up to her in college and i ask her “hey, do you need some space?” she says “yeah actually i do” so i understand and respect her space but i also tell her that im sorry for what happened.
a few more days pass by, and she had completely removed me from her account, nothing said nothing done just completely removed. am i the asshole here?
P.S: Amy also has BPD
I don’t really understand how you can hide your friends from your story on a whim and want to block them but you’re mad she removed you from her account
im not mad, it just seems a little excessive, i gave her space i apologized she couldve at least told me she wanted to remove me and i wouldve just understood from that, but now i dont understand what the dynamic is, are we still friends are we just taking a break from each other i dont really get it. and the other thing is how come when she makes a mistake nothing happens but when i do it blows up in my face
YTA
Your reactions seem a bit extreme and out of control. If you are damaging your relationships because your friends go out without sometimes, you should probably seek professional help to learn how to handle your emotions better.
I’m going to refrain from judgement, I’ll just say that you must learn how to talk to people when they upset you. It’s not an easy thing to do at any age, but your current strategy will always have the potential to cause problems.
Telling people they’ve hurt you will give them an opportunity to make amends, or show you that they don’t care much about your needs/boundaries. Sometimes ypu may even learn that you were being unreasonable.
Again, I’m not suggesting that this is easy or straight forward, but it is part of having an adult relationship. Best of luck 🖖
Okay, so for future reference just because something explains your behavior doesn’t mean that it excuses it.
Second this. “I have BPD” affected nothing here, not the judgement, not whether or not the actions were ok.
Acts like an arsehole repeatedly then throws up the hands to declare “mental illness!”
ESH, you’re both being a bit childish ngl.
I know you say you have BPD, but you need to get your emotions under control. Your behavior is childish. Please learn to use your words and go and see a medical professional to help you with learning emotional control.
YTA. It’s hypocritical to have one set of rules for you and how you deal with things and then be annoyed or angry or whatever it is you are exactly for someone else when they respond in a similar way. It’s childish also. Your friends are allowed to do things without you.
And stop blaming your reactions on having BPD. Not everyone with it acts in such a manner. If you want any chance of them wanting to be friends with you, you need to stop doing that and apologise for acting like an asshole.
OP, you have a mental health condition but you can’t use it as crutch for unhealthy behaviour. You seem to be able to reign in your responses in the moment as you chose to ‘block them’ just from your stories and not do a complete block from your account. It shows you are still capable of having some type of rational thought in challenging emotional times for yourself.
If you could decide to do that in this scenario, then there is nothing stopping you from being able to emotionally regulate and learn healthy responses in situations that arise in life that cause emotions like hurt and anger for you. I really think you’d benefit from seeking out help to learn healthier boundaries and coping mechanisms in challenging situations.
You are at school doing a degree and you will be seeking a job after you graduate. In a workplace you will come across far too many people and situations that make you want to scream in frustration and wishing you could ‘block’ people for a few hours. You can’t do that in a workplace and you need to learn to regulate yourself more emotionally because it will cause issues for you at work and in life, time and time again.
As for your friends, they don’t want to be your friends you anymore. Blocking you is pretty much their way of saying so and avoiding a confrontation. Respect their wishes and use this as a opportunity to learn the important lessons of life.
Please also try to understand the irony in your post. Your friend did the exact thing back to you which you feel was unacceptable and hurtful but can’t see that your choices and behaviour caused the same feelings in her. Treat others how you want to be treated and understand that you can’t live by ‘rules for thee and not for me’ without realising that there are consequences to double standards.