On Monday, I planned a dinner and drinks with friends on a particular day/ time (Sunday, 6pm), at a nice restaurant I’d been to with my work colleagues.
For context:
1. Unfortunately, my friends didn’t like the previous place I planned (too expensive/ quality was so/so) that we went to months prior.
2. I didn’t want to present myself as "Look at me, I’m so busy" so I didn’t mention I had 2 other engagements one in the morning, and another with family in the afternoon that sane day.
3. Conversations are happening via WhatsApp.
On Tuesday, two friends of the group agree to the day/time, but dismiss my suggestion based on the previous bad experience and say they’ll pick a better place and suggest 2 other restaurants. I’m a bit disappointed but whatever, the people are what matter to me, so we all agree on not going to my original suggestion but keep the same day/time.
On Thursday, I send a message asking for the plan on Sunday, as a restaurant hasn’t been decided on. My message is read (double blue ticks) but there is no response from any of the group. I don’t mention my prior engagements.
On Sunday, my 1st engagement/ meetup asks me to stay longer as we were having a lot of fun (video games, card games etc., chatting about University days).
I see my messages on WhatsApp still not responded to, so I assume nothing’s happening at this point and agree to extend my first engagement.
I call my family member and let them know I’ll be delayed to the 2nd engagement but promise to stay longer so we get as much time together as originally planned.
At 1pm, responses start coming through on WhatsApp, I didn’t see them till 1:30pm, altering the plan for the 6pm engagement eg. We should meet up at the friends house earlier to play games (2pm) then headover to the restaurant (3:30pm) due to their closing time on Sunday. (Note: the other restaurant of the 2 suggested was closed for all of Sunday)
At this point I can’t leave my family engagement early and message the group that I won’t be able to make it but that they should proceed without me regardless.
Now I’m being chastised as/ for in their words "skipping a meetup that I planned."
AITA?
NTA at all. The plans weren’t finalised, despite your efforts. It might have motivated your friends to sort something out sooner if they had known you were busy during the day but I don’t actually think that’s relevant. You had agreed a time, they changed it, and the new time didn’t suit you. That doesn’t make you an asshole. And why are they chastising you when presumably they all still got to go out with each other and have a nice time anyway? I get they might be disappointed to not see you, but again, they didn’t finalise the plans in time.
NTA to have other plans but communicate what those plans are so they are able to at least attempt to work around them. It would have been very easy to say “I won’t be available until X time”rather than bailing completely
It’s pretty much the same thing in different words… If the restaurant the friends chose is closed by the time OP is free, then s/he can’t make it. If it took them several days to even start discussing where to go, they wouldn’t have worked around it in time anyway.
NTA. Communication at 1:30 for a 2 o’clock meetup is plain RUDE and delusional. The day to communicate was Thursday, Friday and Saturday. All of them saw the message trynna make plans and they all chose to ignore it. They need to grow up tbh because not only did they assume you had no other plans, they got unhappy when it turned out you actually did. Your friends are the Assholes here for trynna make you feel bad about it instead of apologising for their lack of communication …
NTA. In what way did you plan the gathering? Your original suggestion was rejected. Your friends picked an alternative place and time. That you couldn’t make it is no one’s fault. Y’all need to move on.
NTA I would also have assumed nothing was happening since no one even bothered to reply to you. They can’t expect you to put your life on hold while they make up their minds.
NTA, but almost E S H. I would say you needed to give the clarity of why but not blaming. “I can’t move plans up several hours due to prior commitments on this short notice. Not blaming anyone, I should also have checked back in, but since I wasn’t hearing from anyone about a plan, I already committed to extend my existing plans where I’m at, so I will have to miss out on joining you this time.”
This is *way* longer than necessary. Why did OP need to say more than they did? Despite OP’s requests for updates, friends left OP hanging until the last possible second before moving the time up 4 hours without even consulting with him/her. OP has nothing to explain or apologize for.
NTA. How exactly did you make this plan? At best, you suggested a plan that was then significantly altered by other people into something that in no way resembled your original plan?
NTA. You can’t put your life on hold waiting for folk who decide to change the arrangements at the last minute. You didn’t skip a meet up you planned – you skipped a meet up others had messed up.
ESH. They shouldn’t have left it so last minute and then changed the times and expect you to be free to meet them earlier. But they had expressed an interest in going out in the evening and then you decided you weren’t going to go without telling them you were backing out. It’s a lack of communication all round.
Did you explain you had conflicting plans which is why you had suggested evening.
Not only did they not give updatea until the day of, you didnt skip the meeting that you planned (Sunday 6pm) lmao. You skipped their last minute, impromptu get together.
So no, you’re NTA.
NTA. Your friends were rude.