My sister in-law (44, divorced) is visiting us from India for a month.
Last week was her birthday and my wife picked a nice Japanese place for her Birthday dinner. We ordered some sushi as appetizers. SIL had the miso soup and she didn’t like it, she didn’t even try sushi, she said she doesn’t like sushi. She got really upset and said this was the the worst birthday. I ordered some simple dishes with chicken, fried rice, fries and she refused to try anything. She was enraged, we offered to order anything she would like but she refused. After dinner my daughter had to go to restroom so while we we waiting for her, she started yelling at my wife saying we are torturing her.
The next day, Thanksgiving, she stayed locked up in her room. In the evening I asked my wife to check on her and offered for her to join us for Turkey dinner, she refused in a very insulting way..
Later in the evening we had plans to go for a movie, I received a delivery for door dash for her (she ordered it and I didn’t know, I just picked up the food and brought it inside), I kept the food in the kitchen and knocked on the door. As she was coming out I said that your food is in kitchen and walked towards the garage.
She didn’t hear me and went out in the front looking for a door dash, my wife told me if I could tell her that her food is in kitchen. I was pretty upset with her by this time, but as a courtesy, I called out to her that her food is in kitchen. She didn’t hear me the first time and then I yelled again. She came in the house now, really charged and started yelling at me telling me why did I pick her food.
I got very upset too yelled at her saying that she is our guest and she stay as a guest. I could have stayed calm, but I just couldn’t. Now she took out her phone and started recording me on video, with the intent of having me arrested. I got very upset at that and yelled at her that I am doing her a favor by picking up her food.
As things were heating up, my wife asked me to leave and go to garage, so I started walking out, and the she started saying really mean things to my wife and accused me of showing "true colors". At this point I told her to go back to her \*\*\* place, now I regret saying that. Then she yelled some more, but we left for the movies.
In the meantime she packed her things and left for another relative who lives nearby. The she started messaging my wife really really mean things, from past to present. She lived in our house for a month and knows a lot of internal things.
Now my wife is super upset and she is going back and forth blaming me for this incident.
Please tell me how to handle this.
Edit: Thank you for all the responses and understanding, I have been under so much stress and haven’t slept for 2 nights. Thank you for understanding and your support.
NTA
Your sister is not a well woman. Your wife needs to block her number because she seems to be getting the brunt of the verbal abuse and you need to be the one dealing with your sister.
Edited because it’s very early and I read it as OPs sister not his wifes.
So wifes sister is not a well woman. Wife still needs to block her because verbal abuse is unacceptable. With further context (OP mentioned she’s divorced) it sounds like she’s actually trying tp drive a wedge between husband and wife here. Her behaviour is unacceptable.
yes, she did. My wife kind of feels like SIL is still her younger sister and her responsibility. Also, because she got divorced, there is no one to take care of her. She wants the best for her and did a lot for her in this trip, including taking her to NYC, Monterey, Napa. We have 2 high schoolers and have been very busy with them and despite that she did so much for her.
Remind your wife that she’s 44 lmao.
Your wife needs to realize how unacceptable her behavior is and that she doesnt have to put up with it. Sometimes that realization takes time.
She also needs to put her spouse and kids first. Allowing her sister around when she acts this way is disrespectful and harmful to everyone.
She’s an adult, she can take her of herself. I know it’s not really what’s done in Indian culture but your wife’s sister is abusive and there’s absolutely no reason for your wife, or you and your children, to have to put up with this kind of behaviour, especially in your own home. Our wife needs to see her sister for who she really is, her behaviour was completely unacceptable and honestly, I would have thrown her out long before she packed her own bags.