AITA After six months of not contacting her, I texted my ex again to get back in touch, and she rejected me several times. Then I accepted that being with her wasn’t right for me because of an argument, and when she learned I’d realized we weren’t really compatible, she messaged me on WhatsApp that I’d taken her for a ride because I’d tried to get back together a month earlier. Then I was in Japan for two weeks, and she started texting me affectionately again on Instagram and WhatsApp, and it seemed like she really wanted to hear from me and that she still cared. But when I returned to Italy, she immediately changed and became cold, distant, almost as if what she’d texted me while I was away had never happened.
From there, a kind of rollercoaster began that’s wearing me down: one day she’ll contact me, flirt, send me a video reel about her ex coming back, call me after I’ve spoken because she was "worried," send me messages, and then delete them. The next day, however, she disappears, liking posts about "liking someone new" or "situationship," or showing off on Instagram how "indifferent" she is. When I bump into her in person, she’s kind and seems to want to get closer. Many people who didn’t know she was my ex thought she was just trying to get close to me, or even my girlfriend. There’s no clear direction, and it’s as if she’s looking for me when she feels distant, but as soon as she senses normalcy, she shuts down. I’m trying to protect myself: I respond politely but without getting involved, and I’ve stopped watching her stories because they made me feel bad.
But I admit that all this inconsistency is exhausting me. I don’t know if she’s confused, if she wants attention, if she feels something and can’t handle it, or if she simply doesn’t have the courage to truly let us go.
I just want an outside opinion: is this a sensible dynamic?
Am I doing the right thing by distancing myself, or am I overdoing it?
This sounds extremely exhausting. Cut it off and move on
She’s playing with you. Drop your end of the rope. Get off her social media and stay polite when you run into her. You mentioned a girlfriend, she will also become an ex if you keep playing push/pull.
Yta if you keep doing what you’re doing
Dude throw in the towel, you are just hurting yourself at this point
Dude get a clue and move on
Sounds like she like to play games with you and some part of you enjoys being played with. Theres too much back and forth for this to be healthy or mature. Why go along with it? Why not just block her and aim for someone who is emotionally stable? Is this why you guys broke up in the first place? Plus after being rejected so many times, that would be more than enough for me to walk away and stay away if i were in your position.
Agreed, she’s manipulating you definitely. Block and cut her off completely, you’ll feel much better.
She is contacting me and I don’t want to block her or be rude. If she comes back again I’ll be direct but I don’t want nothing to do with her. I have met other people and I feel I can’t enjoy the best from them because of her
It does sound like she’s confused. I’ve been there and in retrospect have probably caused some similar anguish in the past. I absolutely get it.
However, her confusion is not your fault or your problem. That’s her shit to work through. You can care about her from a distance and it’s much healthier to do so. Cut contact with her. You can explain to her that you need space. Or you can just block her and move on. But you need time and space from her. It’s not healthy for either of you.
Three things stand out – “a rollercoaster relationship that’s wearing me down”, “I’ve stopped watching her stories because they make me feel bad”, “all this inconsistency is exhausting”. Is this how you want to live? With this girl getting under your skin? In your head? If not, then she is not for you! Time to let her go!
It sounds like both of you are confused. Big mistake no 1 was contacting her again. She may have gotten over you and then you reached out so she’s thinking maybe you still care. You are sending each other mixed signals and you are both bouncing off those mixed signals. If you want to try again, you need to communicate that. Then she should tell you straight out if she wants to or not. If she doesn’t, cut it off.
She told me many times that she doesn’t want to try again. Now I am also convinced that I don’t want to try, but she is draining enegrgies from me and I don’t know what to do
“Rejected you several times” sounds like you are the toxic person. REDFLAG and I hear you have a lot of excuses. Rejection does not mean continue to erode a boundary or the first Rejection.
Why don’t you ask her what’s going on directly? If she shuts the question down, that’s another reason to not deal with her. If she offers an explanation, go from there.