so i’ve had personally ups and downs with this friend for some time now. it didn’t always use to be like this but over the last two years now, i’ve constantly felt ignored by her/only comes to talk when she needs to share what she’s dealing with.
i’ve already spoken up and even had a whole sit down conversation about that stuff and nothing has ever came out of it. after like a year and half i’ve come to realize she tends to have a victim complex about things and never takes accountability which has made me place big boundaries because no matter what i could do, it doesn’t seem like it’ll change. (i know some of you guys are gonna be like: well why are you still friends with her but i just feel bad because we’re in a group and i don’t want to affect that)
anyways, when i had first spoken up about how i felt i was constantly being neglected, she didn’t take accountability but instead tried to find something to turn it around on me. which was her saying that she has a hard time understanding me due to the way i talk with slang and that i need to speak in a way she can understand. mind you, the slang i use is nothing crazy. its like girly slang words like slay, yas, things like that- nothing that isn’t where im speaking in a different language. i wasn’t gonna change the way i talk for no one so i was just like ok whatever.
time passes over a year and half later and ive noticed very recently that whenever i use one word either on my ig story or just talking in general she’ll use it. for example, i’d use chat in my stories and then i noticed she started using chat. like little words that i use on the daily that would be considered “slang” she all of a sudden starts using. idk it just really bothers me that a year and a half ago, i was opening up about how i felt hurt (also very nice about it as well) and then she doesnt take accountability and now using said “slang” to my face when i was told i shouldn’t use it when speaking to her??
and also btw, when i had a big in depth conversation face to face with her, i was very nice and trying to be understanding where shes coming from but she literally could not comprehend the fact that she constantly would just ignore me. and after that convo she has then almost seemed scared to talk to me. she use to want to hang out just one on one or text privately a lot more but now she’ll goto our other friend to ask about me asking how i am as if she’s not allowed to message me. it makes me feel like im in the wrong for speaking up about how i feel or because i spoke up, that im the bad person when in reality, i’m just trying to have a normal healthy conversation about the relationship. its just very frustrating all around because it just feels like bringing up any type of feeling = conflict & bad and she almost like freezes up the second a feeling is brought up.
am i an AH for getting upset over her using my slang now?
How old are you both?
im 24 and shes 26
Oh.
It reads like you’re 15 or 16.
Being immature doesn’t make you an AH. But unless the slang youre referring to actually involves slurs, her use of similar language sounds like something in which you should find humour rather than anger.
Spend time with other people in your friendship group.
Storm in a tea cup much.
You 2 are obviously not that close anymore for whatever reason so just let it rest. You are part of the same friend group but the only thing it means is that if you see her around, you need to be civil. You don’t have to be close.
She uses the same words as you but I am pretty sure you picked them up on TikTok, IG or around, which is the same as her picking them up from you or the internet in general. It also more importantly DOES NOT matter.
you’re not crazy lol, she literally told you “don’t talk like that” then turned around n started copy-pasting your whole vocab?? that’s weird girl behavior 💀
the way she suddenly acts “scared” to talk to you is wild. that’s guilt mixed w/ avoidance, not you doing anything wrong.
INFO – “anyways, when i had first spoken up about how i felt i was constantly being neglected, she didn’t take accountability but instead tried to find something to turn it around on me” Is this how you’re bringing up your concerns with her? It sounds very accusatory and like you’re holding her responsible for your feelings, like you may have a victim complex as well. You mention how nice you’re being etc but it sounds like you’re laying a guilt trip on her. If you want to bring up your concerns, use “I” statements instead of ‘you’ statements and ask for what you want instead of criticizing
it honestly sounds like your getting your knickers in a twist over very trivial things. who cares if she is starting to pick up the same slang words as you? you don’t get to gatekeep them. she might even be trying to in a way to keep up with how you talk. or maybe she has naturally picked them up by being exposed to social media. I don’t really see how it affects you. she doesn’t seem to using them to take the piss out of you so what’s the harm? you clearly don’t like her and your reasons may be valid but from an outside perspective this is a you problem.
You are allowed to feel bothered, we can’t judge you on your feelings so can’t see any interpersonal conflict here
Yeah you kinda are
Life is too short!
It’s not unusual for people to pick up on slang or other expressions that are in common usage. There’s nothing unique about the slang you are using. It’s not as if you invented it and she stole it. I don’t think you’re the AH but it’s weird that this is bothering you.